A Case For Not Attending My 20th Reunion

As some of you know, I was bullied quite badly when I was younger.  Even though time heals the wounds inflicted emotionally by others, it isn't a time I have simply forgotten.  By the time I was in high school I had established a group of friends who were more like me than when I was younger.  The bullying continued, but I was preoccupied with my interests to let it bother me.

Fast forward 20 years, and what do you have?  A class reunion.  I never saw myself attending another reunion after the completely uncomfortable five-year.  So I won't surprise any reader by stating the obvious: I am not going to attend the reunion dinner nor the family event the day after.

I have been reorganizing the Martin home, and I found Jim's yearbook.  Even though he graduated from a different high school, in a different city, a year before me, the people seemed to be just the same.  It was almost uncanny the similarities in people.  It was amazing how two separate situation could produce the same groups, cliques, etc.

I thought I would be a bit more specific to why I am not going to attend the reunion festivities.

Here are my reasons:

1. Social Networking
Facebook has completely eliminated the need to wonder what "insert name here" looks like or if "insert name here" ever went bald, grew fat, and/or changed.  With a very simple search, I can voyeuristically answer any question I have clinging to a balloon in my mind.  I can be in control to what others see, who can search for me, and catch up with old friends.  But what used to be reason to see classmates at a reunion (curiosity, unresolved issues, etc.) can be easily achieved by social networking.

2. People Never Change
I am not referring to those individuals who quit smoking, or decide to try a new hairstyle.  But it is naive and oftentimes heartbreaking to believe people can change their immature behaviors.  Popular then?  Still popular now with the same crowd of people.  To prove my point, we have a Facebook page commemorating the reunion.  Initially we had people posting pictures of high school stuff.  I am in one - from my dear friend, Jahna.  But in every other photo (over 100) I am in none.  Why?  Because I was not part of the parties, the get-togethers, the dates.  I was part of another group of friends, most of which left before me (see below).

Now there is information regarding the venue, price, etc. on the Facebook page.  Since then people are posting when they send in their checks.  Currently "Team Football" is winning.  Is this a surprise?

3. Friends Come and Go
I was quite close to the students who graduated a year before me.  When they graduated, I made friendships with underclassmen.  I had such difficulties trusting people in my class (from years of bullying), that I found peace with individuals who were younger or older.  I have a few close friends who I have had since high school: Dana, Jahna, and Joe from my class, and Rachel from a year after.  I also have remained in contact with other friends, but I have not lost contact with anyone I hold dear.

For me, high school was a season of my life; one of which is nicely packaged in a black and white box.  I am perfectly happy keeping the box wrapped and move forward in my life.

I Dreamt of My House Again...

....but this time it was different.

This time I was able to make the negative energy leave, and I was finally able to enter the attic without panic.  It was as if I finally got to the place I have been hoping to visit all this time.  

Maybe I should start from the beginning.  

Since I can remember, I have had dreams about a house.  Sometimes I am driving to find the house, sometimes I am walking to find it, and other times I am in one of its many rooms.  For awhile I was able to bring different people into the dream with me; almost as if I was lucid dreaming.  I often find myself traveling through the rooms and saw the Gothic decorating scheme.  However, it didn't matter if I climbed the red velvet staircases or if I took the elevator to the top level, each time I was met with adversity. 

Sometimes the adversity was ghosts, sometimes it was me waking up, and sometimes I spent too much time in other rooms to care about the attic. Quite often I am driving to locate the home; and I can see it's exterior before I awake.  In the dream I am very familiar with this home, and I have come to the conclusion I have lived there in another life.

However, the other night I dreamt of my house again, but this time I was able to fight the negative energy and make it up to the attic.  I made peace with those whose paintings hung on the walls, and I was able to view the land outside the gabled window.  The crazy thing is at the end of the dream I flew out the window over the land and looked backwards at my home.  I was at total peace, but also kind of bummed because I could have rather hung out in the house.

I looked up an analysis for these reoccurring dreams.  Here is what it says about dreams of an attic:

Attic
To see an attic in your dream represents hidden memories or repressed thoughts that is being revealed. It also symbolizes your mind, spirituality, and your connection to the higher Self. Alternatively, it signifies difficulties in your life that may hinder you from attaining your goals and aspirations. However, after a long period of struggle, you will overcome these difficulties.

To see a cluttered attic in your dream, is a sign to organize your mind and thoughts. Perhaps, you need to rid yourself of the past and let go of the past emotions that are holding you back.

Here is other applicable analyses:

House (General)

To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the unconscious, etc. If the house is empty, then it indicates feelings of insecurity. If the house is shifting, then it suggests that you are going through some personal changes and changing your belief system. To dream that a house has no walls, represents a lack of privacy. You feel that everyone is looking over your shoulder or up in your business.

To dream that water is rising up in your house, suggests that you are becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.
Window
To see a window in your dream signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. If the window of a house is dark, then it indicates a loss to your perception or vitality.

To dream that you are looking out the window signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness and your point of view. It also refers to your intuition and awareness. You may be reflecting on a decision. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life. If you are looking in the window, then it indicates that you are doing some soul searching and looking within yourself. It is time for some introspection. To see another face in the window in your dream suggests that you are feeling emotionally distant and physically detached. Also consider the emotion depicted on the face.

Let Me Take a Moment

...to fill in the last couple of weeks

Therapy

Yesterday was my fourth visit to pelvic floor therapy.  I have seen improvements, maybe around 20%.  However, it is enough to continue therapy for another week.  I was seriously hoping it would be enough, but thought the improvement was supposed to be significant (i.e. 50% or better). So now I simply up the exercise repetitions, and cross my fingers for the future.

Our Backyard

Maggie LOVES to dig, and our backyard was a perfect canvas for her desire.  We have a very large tree in our backyard, which makes growing plants, veggies, and other foliage almost impossible.  There was a lot of dirt that became mud often.  Especially one day when my yard looked like Woodstock.  The Ladybugs and Maggie were covered head-to-toe in mud, after five minutes of playing with squirt guns.  Something had to change, so Jim and I began brainstorming for a solution.

Interestingly enough, the one thing that seemed to thrive in the shade was an ugly bush.  I truly hated this bush, mostly because when I was doing dishes the girls would hide behind it and I would have to stop what I was doing and call for them.  Plus it was simply ugly.

Jim and I decided to put rocks on both sides of the back door, to see if Maggie would stop digging.  Thankfully it worked.  So we thought we'd continue the rocks in the bush area.  Which meant - NO MORE BUSH!  WOOT!  Here are the results:

A Craft For Fun

A while back I read an article that showed great projects for old sheet music.  My father acquired a TON of old sheet music after his uncle passed, so I took time yesterday to sort through the piles and piles and piles.  I found nice sheets and today I made a wreath from the music.  I am super proud of the project.  I just LOVE it!

It was such a simple project, and the Ladybugs made their own music crafts.  So fun, especially on a day they felt ill.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Tuesdays with Kelly

*Please note that below is graphic in nature, and may not be suited for all readers.*

I found myself, again, staring at the pock-marked ceiling tile while the bright florescent lights toyed with the idea of blinding me.  Bad country music plays in the background, as I lie, half-naked, underneath a rough paper blanket.  I am doing my best to remove myself from the torture which is about to be performed.

After last week's treatment, multiple daily exercises, and no improvement I find myself wondering why I have returned for more.  But I suppose there is a glimmer of hope for a full recovery of the pelvic floor muscles.  I have been told that there is a 75% success rate with therapy only, so I need to be thinking the glass is 3/4 full rather than 1/4 empty.

Kelly, my technician for two weeks now, enters the room and smiles.  She has been very kind during therapy, and I thanked her for this a week ago.  She says, "Well, are you ready?"  And I'm thinking, "HELL NO!" But say, "sure," instead.  Then she inserts a probe into my anus.  Yes, I said probe.

*Note to reader: I tried to find a picture of the exact probe (size and shape), 

however, this is pretty close* 

Then, while the anal probe is still inside, she inserts a vaginal probe.  

*Note to reader: Again, I was not able to find the picture, 

but imagine a cross between this an a dumb bell*

Kelly gently sticks a monitor on my abs, which is to determine if I am doing the exercises correctly.  Then the countdown begins...and kegels begin.  Yes, while I feel about ready to burst, I have to do five five-second kegels which are monitored on the computer attached to the probes.  

Once the kegels are completed, the ab monitor and anal probe are removed.  Now the vaginal probe is "turned up" using the computer.  I am to let Kelly know when I cannot handle anymore - which might sound erotic, but it is the furthest thing from it.     

After about 15 minutes of pulsing and beating my insides, the process is over.  For another week that is.

I am hopeful, but as I get off the table I realize how sore today's procedure has left me.  In some ways I can definitely see that this would be a reason to avoid going to the doctor over leakage.  But, alas, I will give it a go another week.

Everyday is a Learning Opportunity

After reading many Facebook posts about school letting out for summer, I thought I would share my feelings regarding the subject.

Most educators anticipate and celebrate the upcoming summer months.  I completely understand the desire and necessity to rejuvenate, revitalize, and relax so that one can be a better teacher in the fall.  This is the first year I am actually NOT teaching this summer.  I have offered summer lessons for the past 20 summers (doesn't seem possible, but alas it is true), but felt that my family needed my undivided energy and focus this year.

So I imagine most will find what I write next as a complete contradiction to above.

An Arbitrary Date
I have always felt sorry for teachers when the end of the school year approaches.  National and state benchmarks are needed to be met, but 99% of the time books and curriculum are never finished.  A few of the items are sent home with families on the last day of school (everything but the books that can be reused in the fall), but teachers never assume all students complete the materials during the summer months.  In fact, I know that only a fraction of my private students will practice daily over the summer break, let alone practice at all.

We all know the last week (or weeks) of school are flooded by picnics, field trips, and other fun activities that put traditional curriculum on the back burner.  During the school year, teachers must comply by the requirements put in place by those in charge and therefore, not able to complete everything.  There is also a mindset with children (and their parents) that it is okay to "turn it off" in the summertime.  After all, children are force-fed so much information that a break is definitely needed.  In many cases children are taught to do schoolwork like it is a race, rather than at their own pace which only leads to partial learning.

I can remember the countless tests I studied for and memorized the important dates, definitions, and information, just to simply forget it the day after the test.  Garbage In/Garbage Out I would say.  And I still use this analogy with my students today.  I am not teaching children to learn a song so they can play it/sing it for the recital.  I am teaching students to become musicians - to truly understand what they are learning, so they can one day not need me anymore.

And isn't it interesting that one school ends on one date and another school ends on another date?  I know it has to do with days in school, per government regulations, and how many days are not taught during the "school year".  However, I think the "last day of school" is only an arbitrary date on the calendar.  I have been very aware of this mindset, so I have done my best to engage the Ladybugs in learning activities throughout the summer months.  However, if one homeschools there never has to be a break from the daily grind, the testing, and the ridiculous benchmarks made by people who no longer have a pulse on the changing education dynamics, because there isn't any of that.  There is simply learning.

So What Does This Really Mean?
I believe that learning shouldn't simply happen between 8am and 3pm, Monday thru Friday, September (or end of August) thru the beginning of June (or end of May).  What if school was all year and the students and teachers had breaks throughout the school year?  Like a week here and two weeks there.  And more breaks throughout the day, rather than one recess at lunchtime.  I remember getting three recesses when I was in school, and having an hour for lunch.  Now there is barely enough time to scarf down a lunch and run off steam to be gathered back into the classroom.  And people wonder why we have so many kids with attention problems.

Therefore, rather than the proverbial summer slide, students would move at a steady pace and truly learn about the subject(s).  Students could move into curriculum and objectives when they were ready, rather than when someone sitting in an office thinks it is time.  We could return to a time when school was taught to learn and not to determine who was the smartest or the best.  School used to be a privilege when the public school system was created; now in many cases school is a prison.

I have to agree that with the amount of "stuff" given to students for 9 months of the year, they do need time off to recuperate.  But what is the answer?  I do not have the answer, just ideas that float around in my head.  I do know that with my Ladybugs they each learn differently and at different paces.  Some material is taught and the light bulb goes on quickly, and in other cases the light bulb needs more time to glow.  They also have completely different interests and it is obvious when we are working on daily tasks.

The one thing I've learned this year is that no one situation works for everyone.  Homeschool is not for everyone, just like private nor public is made for everyone.  The bigger issue is that so many people judge others for the decisions they make for their families, rather than embracing that we all must make decisions based on what is right for our own family.

This reminds me of a quote attributed to Einstein (there is much speculation regarding the origins):

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

May Wrap-Up

Ah, yes, the time has come again for me to review what I have accomplished this month.  I must say that May has breezed by, quite possibly because we have been very busy with Birthdays, concerts, field trips, and learning together each day.

Okay...now for those silly goals I set on January 1st:

Goal #1: Read all seven Harry Potter books on my new Nexus 7 tablet.
This goal is not any farther along, as I decided I do not like the Harry Potter books.  I tried, I gave it a really good effort...but the books did not appeal to me.  I would say I must be an oddball, because it seems everyone loves those books.  However, just like most everything else in my life - I'm unique.  So this goal is closed.  I am okay with this goal never being complete.

However, I did read a great book called "The Wilder Life" by Wendy McClure.  It is a story about her quest to find where Laura Ingalls Wilder grew up and the "Laura World" from her childhood.  I love Little House, so this was a perfect book for me.  My Ladybugs also enjoy the Little House series, so much so we are going to do a Unit Study with the book The Prairie Primer.  

Goal #2: Reclaim my body - mentally, physically, and emotionally.
If you are interested in reading about my physical stuff of late, you can scroll through the last few blog posts.  I have started Pelvic Floor Therapy, and in one word it is: different.  It isn't bad, but honestly I really don't want to have surgery, so I'm hoping it works.  Mentally and emotionally I am doing well.  I feel very confident that our decision to remove the girls from their school was the right choice - emotionally as well as academically.  Even though we are waiting to hear on the boarder exemption, I am completely comfortable with my abilities to school the Ladybugs for as long as needed.  This is not a place I thought I would be, but here I am!

Goal #3: Give more.
I gave $100 to Friends for the Dearborn Animal Shelter this month.  I had a friend who walked with her two dogs in the annual FDAS Mutt Strutt.  Being able to give to this charity allows animals to be treated and cared for properly.  As for giving back...the girls and I have been collecting clothing and other household items to donate.  We have been so busy with commitments this month, we have not had the time to give time to others.  I am hoping that the summer months prove to be more flexible with time and our ability to give it freely.

So What About the Ladybugs?

As we round out our eighth week of homeschooling, I am happy to report the blessings are immeasurable.

Many ladybug blessings...

I must admit that it took awhile to get things where they worked for us, but I have learned to leave my "schedule" behind, and ROLL with it.  Our basic day is as follows:

Morning Work:

Handwriting

Math

Grammar & Phonics

Read Aloud/Language Arts

Afternoon Work:

Silent Reading/Finish Morning Work

Social Studies

Science

Originally I had a different schedule, but I changed things a couple times to make it work for us.  One of the biggest changes is the time schedule for things.  Now I just have us complete morning work before lunch and do afternoon work after lunch.

As you can see I am not currently doing Spelling words.  I find that spelling is involved in book reports, questions for language arts, social studies reports, and science reports.  So spending time copying words and taking a weekly test just doesn't seem prudent for us at this time.  

I have also been asked if Eviebug does what Zoebug does.  The answer is, yes!  She prints, while Zoebug works on cursive writing, she has her own Math while Zoebug does Math, they both have Grammar/Phonics workbooks, and they both work on Science and Social Studies as well.  The one area I separate them is Language Arts.  Eviebug listens while Zoebug reads her story of the day.  Then Zoebug writes answers to the daily story while Eviebug reads aloud to me.  

I have also noticed that taking many breaks throughout the day helps the Labybugs stay focused on their work.  These breaks do not include watching TV or playing a video game.  Rather they are playing with Maggie outside.  

We also play many educational games.  Our current favorite is Quirkle.  

I have also enjoyed teachable moments - unscheduled opportunities to teach and be taught.  I look at these as being on the same vein as what some call, "unschooling".  It is a way to have child-directed learning.  However, for our purposes I am only having these interests determine our science and/or social studies work.  

For instance, every spring we have a mom and dad robin who make a nest using our gutters: Robins  We talked about how every year they come back to have babies. And then we watched this great video:

CLICK HERE!

Are You Teaching Them Enough?

I also have been asked what curriculum I use.  I have had the great pleasure of having a retired elementary school teacher as a mom, and I also have collected "stuff" throughout the many years I have been teaching.  Therefore, I use a hodge-podge of curriculum at this point, but if we continue in the fall I will use a more focused curriculum series (maybe).

Here is what I use for each subject:

Morning Work:

Handwriting

• Originally we were continuing Handwriting Without Tears with Zoebug (she was working on this in her classroom), however, after WAY TOO MANY TEARS (I know, right?), I switched to Zander-Bloser Handwriting.  Eviebug prints words from her read aloud books.  I have her print them 3 times each.  

Math

• Originally I had Eviebug in a book I got Zoebug from Target 3 years ago.  However, she finished it last week.  Now both girls are in Evan-Moor Skill Sharpeners.  Zoebug is in a 3rd grade book and Eviebug in a 1st grade book.

Grammar & Phonics

• Zoebug was given Grammar worksheets from school, so we've continued a unit of those per week at her speed (3 or 4 pages per day).  Eviebug was using that Target book, but this week Eviebug started a new book, Word Skills Fun from The Mailbox Books for K-1.  

Read Aloud/Language Arts

• Zoebug has been using a series of books from my mother's years as a teacher.  The series is for 2nd and 3rd grade and is from the D.C. Heath and Company.  Eviebug is currently reading first readers from Margaret Hillert.  We have been enjoying watching Eviebug grow at reading, considering before homeschooling she was reading one and two word stories.  

Afternoon Work:

Silent Reading/Finish Morning Work

• Zoebug reads chapter books for book reports which she does upon completion.  She read a few Magic Treehouse books, then switched to The Bailey School Kids series.  She likes mystery/detective books a lot (her past favorite was Nate the Great).  Evie reads picture books (looks at pictures somewhat) to herself.  

Social Studies

Science

• In both cases the girls have been taught subjects that they find fascinating.  We have learned about Thomas Edison, Robert Frost, crystals, rocks, and robins.  It is so much fun learning as we go.

The Future

I have been asked by many what our plans are for schooling in the fall.  Zoebug was accepted at our school of choice (School L).  Unfortunately, Eviebug was not.  The 1st grade for the fall at School L does not have the space the 3rd grade does.  So now we have applied for a boundary extension for Eviebug.  When will we hear?  August.  Yeah, August.  If Eviebug does NOT get the boundary extension, we have decided to continue homeschooling in the fall.  There is nothing wrong with our neighborhood school (School N), but I feel homeschooling would be the better choice for us.  If Eviebug in fact does get approved for the boundary extension, we will have to cross that bridge at that time.

I have many friends who are looking forward for school to be done this spring - in order to spend more time with their babes.  I also know many who are excited there is no more "homework" during the summer months.  However, we are not going to stop learning this summer.  We will be doing curriculum from the Prairie Primer.  In fact, we are all looking forward to learning more about the time Laura Ingalls lived.  One of my problems with traditional schooling is the mindset that summer is when you no longer learn.  I really feel it is sad to teach our children that reading, writing, math, and other skills are only important between September and June.  I believe it is my job as a mom to cultivate their desire to ask questions, and want to learn more from our world.