A Beautiful Mess

A Beautiful Mess

Three years ago, almost to the date, I wrote a blog post that started our homeschool journey.  At the time I did not realize this was the case.  However, after three years I have a few thoughts on where I was at the time and where I am now.

Here is a link to the original post: The Blog That Started It All

In the last three years we have been on a journey that I never could have seen at the time I wrote the post. Within a week I was berated and bullied by the school's principal.  The teacher who wrote me the email about my Zoebug and her bullies retraced the statement.  In fact, she said she never even wrote those words, which was insane since I had the original email.  I was told to take the blog down and to do a formal apology to all those involved.  I removed the blog post, but only because I was not prepared to fight.  I never once apologized for my reaction, nor did I feel it was necessary.  I was confused and I was ashamed that I let my situation get out of control like that.  I probably shouldn't have been so honest, at least not until my family left the school.

The moment I brought my girls home for Easter break and sent my resignation email to the principal was such a freeing moment.  One I will never forget.  I made the blog post live again, and felt a huge weight off my shoulders.  Of course minutes after I sent the resignation I was inundated with annoying emails.  However, the emails only reassured my decision. I was, not so politely, told that I would have a ruined reputation if I left the school.  That I would lose my ability to teach in my neighborhood, due to the tainted reputation.  Three years later, and I am still a successful educator with more private students than I had when we left.  So much for that tainted reputation.

I reread the blog post moments ago, and was transported back to the entire situation.  Hindsight, they say, is 20/20.  I can tell you that my entire tenure at this school was a cluster of fucks.  Between working hours that I didn't agree upon, to feeling like an outsider at teacher lunches...it is amazing that I didn't uncover the lies and deceit beforehand.

One thing I have noticed is that each day brings its own mess.  We are constantly making adjustments and learning from our mistakes. Lives are messy, but I wouldn't trade our lives for any other.

Hearing "You're Fat" By a Loved One

What Constitutes Bullying?

For over a month I have been mulling over this question.  As many of my readers know, I was bullied as a child and young adult.  And two years ago, I experienced adult bullying as well as the bullying of my oldest daughter, Zoe.  So I suppose you can say I'm not inexperienced when it comes to bullying.

However, what if a family member feels it necessary to address an issue?  What if that issue is weight, or your decision to homeschool, or your choice in spouse, or your decision to adopt, or your decision to move?  Is there a right way to present the concern?  I believe there most certainly is.  But what if my beliefs on this matter are a direct result of my past?  What if I'm just too damn sensitive?  This has been weighing on me (no pun intended) for over six weeks.

Thirty Years Removed

This year I turn 40.  This seems so big to me.  I cannot tell you why exactly, but it is a case of what I thought I would experience by 40.  I don't necessarily feel that my choice to have babies and put my family first in my 30's was a bad choice, but I'm definitely in a different place than I imagined.  Different bad?  Nah, just different.  The little girl of yesterday is still inside of me, but I have grown and accepted my past for what it is worth: the past. However, I have not forgotten the laughter and judgmental comments spewed across the classroom; especially at recess and Girl Scouts.  I have forgiven those children involved, but I wonder if those bullying memories have made me less accepting and more sensitive to bullying behaviors now.  

I think it is difficult to be objective when it comes to emotional scaring.  It is also so difficult to prove.  What if my experiences are simply my perspective on what was happening.  What if I am using the word "bullying" when in fact that isn't at all what is happening.  I have challenged friends before regarding the way bullying it taught in schools today.  The word "bully" is now in the vernacular of children, and can be thrown around without much thought.  However, I believe if the child feels comfortable to start dialogue with a teacher or other adult, the countless over-dramatic children seem to be worth the effort.    

Grief

Everyone deals with grief differently, and I truly believe no one way is perfect.  For those who felt I should be "over it" after Ray's memorial, I simply shook my head in disbelief.  If you are reading this and you have suffered a loss and are still getting "over it" that is okay.  Please know you are not alone, and there is no exact science to when you'll be "over it."  Therefore, food became my comfort, and I must admit I am housing more weight than ever before.  Well, not exactly, because I have lost since January, but you know where I'm going with this.  I'm not proud of this, but I certainly do not need to be judged by my body either.  In all honesty, I would much prefer to be challenged or bullied about pretty much any other topic related to my choices, but weight is just too personal to me and my inner-world.  

I live inside my head most of the time.  For many of my friends and family, this may seem surprising to some.  I can be quite open and talkative to be around, and I can be silly and spontaneous.  This doesn't mean I am an extrovert.  In fact, I am not.  I honestly think too much about everything and everyone - well after and much more than I think I should at times.  I am also what I refer to as a sensitive, not behaving in a sensitive way (which maybe I am too...).  I feel what others are feeling, and oftentimes internalize their emotions.  As I have aged, my ability to feel what others feel is only stronger.  I can feel over an email, a text, a phone conversation.  However, when I was grieving the loss of Ray last year, I was also grieving for my mother, my children, and our family.  I was not concerned with my body or health.  

Words

I could go into explaining how words are simply that: words.  How actions speak louder, and all that jive.  But the truth is: words hurt.  Regardless of their intent, words spoken hang over us like cartoon balloons.  Whether there is heartfelt concern over another person, I believe there could be tact in the situation.  In fact, I appreciate concern.  I just felt slapped in the face.  Yes, time has passed, but my initial reaction is still hanging there...concerning me.  Maybe I overreacted, but I don't think I did.  At the time, I felt others pressuring me to just move forward and ignore the comments; because the source was not in the right frame of mind.  But the thing is, I don't believe that behavior gets to be excused.  I have since accepted an apology, but the words will continue to reflect my feelings toward the person.  I will continue to work through that, but I have never been super good at forgetting.

I'm not one to watch the Oscar's.  In fact, I believe Hollyweird is pretty much not something I care to spend my free time viewing.  That being said, I wish a young Michelle had heard the words from Graham Moore last night:

Like a Square Peg in a Round Hole...

...we just don't fit.

Even though we pulled our kids from private school in March 2013, last fall began our official start to homeschooling.  I was nervous to trust my instincts, and pretty much felt completely overwhelmed at the idea of schooling my Ladybugs.  I was quickly pulled in a hurricane of teaching the girls during the day, teaching private lessons on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and Saturdays, and taking care of my grandpa Ray on Monday and Wednesday evenings (and throughout the weekend).  I had no time to even think about anything.  I was pulled in many directions, and I was constantly frustrated with the girls.

What a difference a year makes - as my brain is much more focused on what we can achieve by homeschooling.  Less structure and more substance.  Zoe wants to spend a half hour baking cinnamon bread?  Okay!  She's working on reading, following directions, and measurements.  If Evie wants to take a time out to sit in the front tree?  Okay!  She is spending time with nature and refocusing herself to the tasks at hand.  I actually scheduled recess in the beginning of last year.  I had a plan, and I was going to adhere to it.  But by Christmastime (and the passing of Ray) I could not continue the path I had started.  Did that mean an end to homeschooling?  A part of me knew something had to give, but from the moment we left the private school, I knew I had made the right decision for our family.

This August was completely crazy; flood, power outage, canceled vacation, etc.  I thankfully had the first part of our school year mapped out (i.e. I had an action plan with movement).  However, each day is a little different, and I am flexible to the needs of my children.  After all, if you are going to set up your home like a school, what is the point of teaching your child(ren) at home?

Why don't we fit the homeschool picture?

We aren't homeschooling for Christian reasons.  At one point I thought that was the case.  The truth?  I loved the small class sizes of the private Christian school.  Their focus on individualized education was truly awesome.  Of course a small, family environment also means people saying and doing things that are very hurtful and spiteful.  Regardless, I wanted to provide that individualized curriculum.  So why was I streamlining everything?

We aren't homeschooling for political reasons.  We are not very political in nature.  We vote at all elections, but know that most of the time the outcome is the same as always.

We aren't homeschooling to shelter our children.  Yes, Zoe had huge issues with her anxiety.  And, yes, these issues did prevent her from wanting to take part in dance classes and the like.  But the truth is: our children have more friends than the average school-aged child.  We just had an 80s movie week, where we showed our children favorite movies from the 80s.  Yes, there were swear words.  Yes, they have heard them before.  No, we aren't worried.  I'm not going to say I don't want to protect my ladybugs from the nastiness of the world, but sheltering is not why we did this.

So , I ask myself - Why did we decide to homeschool?  The answer is simple: our education system is flawed beyond repair at this point.  Yes, there are some decent private schools, but they are all religious based.  There are also charter schools, but most will tell you a charter school is not necessarily better than a public school.  I don't have all the answers, but I do know that the quality of education today is not the same as it was 30 years ago.  Standardizing curriculum, testing all the time, and eliminating recess are just a few reasons I chose to continuing homeschooling.

I must admit the last month has been a hell on earth for us.  Our home has been in a constant disaster; almost giving people on Hoarders a run for their money.  But the flood has taught us to be smart about our purchases and the amount of things that are needed to survive.  So we push through the darkest moments and laugh when there are no tears left to fall.  For this too shall pass.

Blossoming Into Confidence

not the fort I mention...but similar

If someone had told me two years ago my daughter, Zoe, would be back to her magnetic and fun-loving self, I would have laughed.  I would NEVER have believed it.

Fall 2012
The school year had begun, and Zoe was in her fourth year at the Christian school.  Her teacher was new, but her classmates were familiar.  I was also a more active participant, due to the fact that I was teaching music twice a week.  Zoe was in another year of dance (baton this time) and she seemed reluctant, but ok with life in general.  As September became October, we began to notice a child with debilitating fears: fears of school, going to ballet, going to the store, doing pretty much anything.  On a couple occasions Zoe complained of a stomach ache and her urine feeling funny, but a trip to the doctor's office proved that it was all in her mind.  Now, believe me, I did not assume she was making up the illness.  In fact, her fears manifested in a spastic bladder.  Thus, she was immediately projecting another UTI.  A year or so earlier, Zoe had been to a specialist regarding her "frequent" UTIs.  I must point out that she only officially had two, but even at 6 this was concern for her pediatrician.

After weeks of concern, we took her to a therapist.  Our hope was to have Zoe learn skills to better survive with her fears.

Spring 2013
After experiencing bullying from classmates, Zoe was a wreck to even attend class.  The bullying wasn't a result of a physical reason (i.e. glasses, weight, etc.) nor was it because of anything she had control over.  In fact, it was because we told her she would not be attending a Lutheran school in the fall.  Other classmates (most actually) were going to the Lutheran school, and were making fun of Zoe for not being part of the group.  The fear was also brought on, in part, by her teacher.  According to her teacher, Zoe was cheating.  Not on tests, or even in daily work...but in journal entries.  In a classroom of ten children, Zoe and another child were best friends, and, therefore, played together a lot.  They also had a lot of common interests.  How was Zoe to have a different weekend than her friend, to whom she spent a lot of time with over the time period.

As March ended, I decided to pull Zoe (and subsequently Eva) and myself from the toxic environment.  However, change to Zoe's demeanor did not happen right away.  In fact, I had hoped she would relax in our home education environment, but she did not.

Summer 2013
A new family moved in down the street, so now Zoe had more friends in her neighborhood.  Instead of encouraging play between friends (i.e. playdates, etc.) I allowed my girls to play and with minimal boundaries.

We determined I would homeschool the girls again in the fall.  So when it came time to select activities for fall, Zoe still had reservations.  She panicked and cried and for lack of a better word or phrase: freaked out quite regularly.  We had removed her from therapy, considering she seemed to only fear sessions, and spent hours freaking out about going.  So we removed her from any and all activity.

Summer 2014
Zoe spent the school year gradually taking baby steps towards activities and things she wanted to participate in.  However, it was a complete shock when she asked for summer swim lessons.  I opened the boundaries of summer play even further this year, and watched as my girls created a fort from branches and dirt amongst other things.

I truly believe allowing Zoe to have more control allowed for her to want to try more activities.  I have to admit it isn't easy allowing her and the neighborhood children the ability to destroy my plants and flowers at the corner of our property.  However, the fresh air, sunshine, and creative play have been exactly what she needed.  By opening up my mind to the possibilities of a summer devoid of scheduled activities and parent-controlled play dates, Zoe has blossomed into a very healthy minded young lady.

In the coming weeks/months, I am going to provide articles and research-based information on why childhood MUST be focused around play and adult-free learning opportunities.  I hope you come back with an open heart and mind and we can both learn together.

Placing Significance on Insignificant Stuff

A lifetime of thingamajigs, doodads and gizmos.  Collections of curios and curiosities.  Some hidden from view, but all put in place by my grandparents.

In the last eight months I have been helping my mother clean out over sixty years of life from my grandparent's home.  If it is humanly possible, I have felt every imaginable emotion.  It is also rather surprising how deeply moved I feel about this home.  Each time I visited and worked, many items followed me home.  Some were out of necessity (sweeper, light bulbs, etc.) but others, many others, were because they hold dear and strong memories (record albums, chairs, etc.).

At first it felt like we would never even make a dent in the drawers, shelves and closets.  But bit by bit, step by step, we slowly made progress.  I must admit, my mother did most of everything.  I helped though, as much as I could.  But there were so many items that seemed insignificant, and yet, it is hard not to place significance on these items.  Why do we do this?

Before the casket was closed for the last time, a little beanie baby bear, a can of coke and a jar filled with a Manhattan were added with love around Ray.  It felt reminiscent to the burials of the Egyptians.  All that was missing was gold, jewels and a dead animal or two.

As I laughed with my mother over crazy things that Ray kept in his home, I realized that I too place significance on insignificant objects.  Did I want the bar light from Ray's basement?  Of course!  We do not have a bar, nor do we have an appropriate place to put it.  What about a hammer for small nails?  Sure!  In fact, when we repainted the bathroom this came in handy.  How 'bout brown paper bags, rubber bands, ten rolls of clear tape, calculators, note cards, stuffed animals, a stereo, etc.  The list goes on and on.  And the thing is, I cannot tell you that any are insignificant to us.

But no matter how many insignificant (or significant) things one surrounds themselves with, it does not take the place of a person.  The girls each took a stuffed animal from Ray, and quite often I see Evie take hers and inhale it.  It still smells like Ray (which to clarify smells very good).  Today I found myself doing the same thing.  I was at my moms and Emma and I were sitting on the couch she traded with the one at Ray's.  We were being silly, and we picked up the pillows to hide our mouths to see if we could determine expression on our mouths.  We both inhaled at the same time and went, "ah...".  It smelled like Ray. It smelled like home.  It was significant.

The Circus Act

When my family made the decision to homeschool our two daughters, I was hesitant at first.  Maybe hesitant is not exactly the correct word I'm looking for...AFRAID.  I was completely paralyzed at the thought I would be in charge of providing the education for my our girls.  I already felt inadequate as a mom, and now I'm going to add to the chaos?

Here we are, over a year later, and I can honestly say that I am still afraid.  But I'm not afraid of not being capable to teach our girls, instead I am afraid I have created a circus act in my home.

I laugh when I read homeschool blogs that depict a "typical day," because in our home the ONLY thing that is guaranteed is chaos at some point in the day.  At any given time I could have a child writing an essay, another doing math, papers scattered around the floor, math manipulatives used to build minecraft houses, a dog running around the living room with a stolen toy from one of the girls, whistling tunes from one daughter, and singing from another.  A fight could break out at anytime between siblings, pets, or one from each.

However, in the chaos is exquisite perfection.  I have seen both girls grow this year; physically, emotionally, and intellectually.  Through teaching them, I have learned more than I could have imagined.  Has it been a challenge?  Of course.  Have I had to make accommodations to put homeschooling a top priority?  Of course.  However, I am actually not upset that I have to rearrange my private teaching schedule, nor am I upset that I am not home all day working on house projects waiting for the girls to come home.

A product of homeschooling, at least in our case, is that at least once or twice a week I am reminded of the continued destruction of our educational system.  A know quite a few teachers who are looking for a new career, and my heart breaks for those educators that have no choice but to persevere through adversity.  I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to get little support from parents and even less from administrators.

For many reasons, we are continuing to educate our daughters at home in the fall.  I'm getting quite fond of the circus, and cannot imagine my life any other way.

Not My Kid - A Year Later

It has almost been a year since I wrote "Not My Kid" and thus began the journey toward a very VERY big choice: homeschooling my ladybugs.  At this one year anniversary I want to muse about how that moment changed my life.

Regrets
They say hindsight is 20/20, and quite often when I make a choice (regardless of the time spent mulling it over) I look back and say, "I should have done things differently."  I'm not perfect, but I do try to make important decisions after much thought and prayer.  The crazy part of 2013 was that the end of 2012 seemed to be so positive: I got a job as a music teacher with the ladybugs' school, and everyone was healthy and happy...so I thought.  When I left said job in December for the Christmas break, I was at an all time career high; the Christmas pageant went amazingly and I was feeling completely loved and reassured that I was in the right place.

However, I had my rose-colored glasses on, again.  The school was on a course to destruction and I do believe there were very ill-fitted people people running the show.  People show their true colors under stressful circumstances, and the bullying that occurred only brought to light who people actually were inside.

Finding out who your true friends are can be difficult at times, but afterwards the grateful knowledge supersedes the pain...eventually.

Results
First of all, we continued to homeschool passed the summer months.  Mainly because it works for us.  The Lutheran school that "everyone" was going, in fact, did see quite a few new students and families this fall.  Of course, that was never an option for us anyway; maybe that was just the way it was always supposed to be.
I am only in contact with a few people from the school, and that's okay.  We have all moved onward down different pathways...maybe we will meet again.  For some though, I sincerely hope not.

Rhetoric
One of the reasons I left the diseased environment of the school was due to the environment itself.  Of course my blog entry Not My Kid did have a bit to do with it.  I was bullied to pull the blog post, and I was encouraged to simply turn my cheek and "make up" with those involved.  When Jim visited the school to get Zoebug's schoolwork, people approached him regarding having conversations between me and "those who hurt me" so that "the air could be cleared," and everything "could return to normal."  Normal.  What in God's name was normal about that environment in the first place?  No thank you.  Bullying is not something I take lightly, and my removing my children was, and will forever be, the best decision I made in 2013.

What a difference a year makes.

The Yellow Banana

I was an anxious child.

That is an understatement at best, but the truth is I was super anxious about most situations. One of my biggest dilemmas was going to sleep at night.  And if you think that was an issue, it was only exacerbated by sleeping away from home.  I practically never spent the night away from home, unless we were on vacation as a family.  However, my sister and I did spend the night at my Grandma and Grandpa Riske's about once a month when our parents were working in their band, the Knight Kats.

As bedtime approached, my Grandpa would pull out the bed from the davenport (their terminology) in the red room (it was called red because of the red shag carpet it bestowed for many years of my childhood).  Then my Grandma would put sheets on the bed and get blankets and pillows to make it all comfy.  That bed was so uncomfortable, especially if you laid incorrectly (which was very easy to do).  There were bars that lined the mattress, and they stabbed in my back and side no matter which way I would turn.  Then there were the areas on either side of the bed where the arms of the davenport.  Grandma would shove pillows or other things in them because she was worried that we would fall in the cracks during the night.

One night I was having a particular difficult time falling asleep.  No matter how much Grandma rubbed my back, I couldn't fall asleep.  The figure eight, the three taps, nothing seemed to bring on sleep.  Then my Grandpa brought in a large, stuffed, yellow banana.  It was nothing special, but it seemed huge to me.  Just a simple yellow banana stuffed toy with the Dole label on it.  It was like this one:

And believe it, or not, this was just the thing that worked!  It became the one thing that had to accompany me to bed each night.  I called it - The Yellow Banana.  Not especially creative, but pretty much spot on with the name.

The banana stayed with me throughout my life.  When Zoe was a baby and Evie was on the way, we put her in a big-girl bed.  I found The Yellow Banana in a box and it looked a bit more tattered than it had when I was younger.  I also had to remove the label because it was falling off.  However, it was the perfect solution to stopping Zoe from rolling off the bed.  Years later she still has to have the banana taking up the space between the wall and the mattress.

I did a bit of research today, because of course Evie wants her own banana.  The banana was an advertising promotion from Dole, most likely from the 60s or 70s.  In later years the banana became a character named Bobby and often sported tennis shoes, a cane, and a top hat.

How did my grandparents obtain this little gem?  I have no idea.  But what matters the most is the magic contained in that stuffed toy.  It brought many nights of quick sleep for myself, and now for my Zoe.  When I asked my Grandpa where it came from, he simply said, "The attic."  A mystery for certain.  But I do know that sleep in our family would be quite different without The Yellow Banana.

In Lieu of A Monthly Wrap Up

Over the last few months I have come to realize our home is not just a haven for us, but a haven to many.  I am pleased that our home is full of love, and that all creatures feel comfortable here.  There are moments when I am enjoying a cup of hot coffee and I look around to find cats are meowing happily, kids playing and singing with joy, and... okay, lets be real - it is a complete fantasy.

However, our home seems to be the place everyone and everything wants to be.  Not a day goes by when I haven't bandaged up a child's boo-boo, placed an ice pack on a bump, settled a dispute, chased a ball across our busy street, chased a dog around the backyard to give back a toy, made an extra pb and j for a hungry mouth, said, "no," to a child begging for another sweet.  But sometimes this joyful chaos feels like my mantra should be:

And there are times I think, "God, why on Earth did I commit to homeschooling my children and continuing with my teaching business?"  And then I hear a giggle, a "thank you, Mommy" or "thank you Miss Michelle," and I think, "Yes, I can do this...I can provide the loving environment that my girls and other children (and critters) need."

I find balance in the chaos by reassuring moments that remind me why I wanted to be a teacher and mother. Those moments are not always there - believe me I'm not perfect nor are my children - but they are the essential ingredients in my life as a Mother and Teacher.

To My Grandma

Earlier this year I wrote a story for my Grandpa Brown's 90th Birthday.  Click here to read: The Knights of Bedford Street.

The book of stories from family and friends was a success.  Therefore, in May, my family did another book for my Grandma Brown, who was turning 85.  I never put my story on this blog, and since it is a good recollection of my past I would post it today.  Enjoy!

If God had intended us to follow recipes,

He wouldn't have given us grandmothers.

~Linda Henley

My family memories are sprinkled with a dash of Texas Sheetcake, a pinch of Deviled Eggs and a splash of Spaghetti Salad.  My Grandma Brown knew how to throw a party, and still does to this day.  She loves a reason to bring her family together, and what better way than to dangle yummy food in front of them while you are at it?

When I was little, I would often ask to help bake cookies, or cut vegetables for dinner.  My mother would lose patience quickly, because I had this habit of not listening to her directions.  Throughout the years, many tears were had in that kitchen of ours.  However, I was lucky to have two grandmothers who allowed me to express myself in the kitchen, even if I wasn’t completely paying attention.

My very favorite memory in the kitchen with my Grandma Brown was when my sister, Kelly, and I learned the fine craft of bread making.  I remember that we made the bread from scratch – no box mix for Grandma Brown.  She also mixed everything by hand, which was extremely exhausting.  We had to stir one way so many times, and then the other way the same amount of times.  And it seemed to go on FOREVER!  I remember getting flour over everything (especially ourselves), and I also remember learning how to kneed the dough the proper way.  I have been lucky to share the proper dough kneed with my husband, Jim, and my Ladybugs, Zoe and Eva.  There was a lot of laughter while we kneeded the dough, and waited for it to rise.  I was so happy to be allowed to have a true hands-on experience. 

Of course (I’m sure it is no surprise) we were not quick or efficiant in our doughy masterpiece.  I do not recall the temperature of the oven, what container we baked our bread in, what we ate for dinner that evening, nor can I tell you how the bread tasted.  However, the memory of that experience has remained in my heart all these years later. 

Happy Birthday to the quintessential grandmother: my Grandma Brown!

June Wrap-Up

This month has been a busy and quick one, if nothing else.  The Ladybugs are working Little House in the Big Woods curriculum from The Prairie Primer.  I was lucky enough to find a gently used book on ebay, but the curriculum is worth more.  So far we have made butter, a corncob doll, and worked on a lap book that was illustrated here: marinecorpsnomads.com 

I also got a new (vintage) vehicle.  Her name is Lady Bird, and she is a 1996 Pontiac Bonneville with only 27,000 miles.  My Grandpa, Ray, is no longer able to drive (pretty good run for a almost 95 year-old), and he passed along his gem to me.  After a charge to the air conditioner, the only thing that needs to be fixed is the tape deck.  I think an aftermarket CD player would be an easy addition to Lady Bird.

I could probably go on about our family, but it is now time for the monthly wrap up.

Goal #1: Read all seven Harry Potter books on my new Nexus 7 tablet. Read as much as possible.

I had a very good month when it came to reading.  I read two books that I could not help but recommend - "The Divergent" and "The Insurgent" by Veronica Roth.  I also read a very heartwarming book, "The House at Riverton" by Kate Morton.  I have also been deeply engaged in "The Well Trained Mind," which is pictured below:

Goal #2: Reclaim my body - mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I have found a new product for my face - Simple Skin Care  It is so gentle, that I have only been using witch hazel and the cocoa face mask on occasion.  I have also found a new tool that I must say is so cool, I cannot believe I never owned it let alone heard of it before this month.  It is called a pore extractor, and by God it is the coolest tool EVER!

This is the exact one I bought, from Target, for under $10.

I have also started using this new foot cream that has given me hope I will no longer need monthly pedicures to remove the hard crust from my heels.  It has been about a week and a half, but my feet aren't nearly as crusty as they usually are.  The product is called Epoch Sole Solution.

Tuesday is supposed to be my 6th and final visit for Pelvic Floor Therapy, however, I will be calling tomorrow to schedule a surgery consultation instead.  Unfortunately the therapy is just not working, which has caused daily depression for me.  Logically I realize that I'm fine, but it is really difficult emotionally to deal with peeing myself many time daily.  The depression is also affecting my decision to continue homeschooling. I don't want to do wrong by my Ladybugs, but my heart says to continue with the homeschooling.

Goal #3: Give more.

I gave $100 to our local NPR radio station - WDET.  I do not listen to biased radio or television news programs, nor do I listen to current music stations.  I love the programming, and I really enjoy keeping abreast of local and national news, without a political spin to it.  I also spent time cleaning out our back storage area (we have two areas under our front porch that serve as storage for us), and we donated A LOT of clothing, household goods, and other items to Purple Heart, 10 years worth of electronic devices to Wayne Country, and puppy pee pads (Maggie hasn't need them in a long time) to the Dearborn Animal Shelter.  The Ladybugs have decided to sell lemonade this summer to collect money to give to animals in need, which makes my heart smile. My Eviebug even said to me, "Mommy, does giving make you happy?" And I said, "Yes, it does!"  Eviebug replied, "Me too!"

Let Me Take a Moment

...to fill in the last couple of weeks

Therapy

Yesterday was my fourth visit to pelvic floor therapy.  I have seen improvements, maybe around 20%.  However, it is enough to continue therapy for another week.  I was seriously hoping it would be enough, but thought the improvement was supposed to be significant (i.e. 50% or better). So now I simply up the exercise repetitions, and cross my fingers for the future.

Our Backyard

Maggie LOVES to dig, and our backyard was a perfect canvas for her desire.  We have a very large tree in our backyard, which makes growing plants, veggies, and other foliage almost impossible.  There was a lot of dirt that became mud often.  Especially one day when my yard looked like Woodstock.  The Ladybugs and Maggie were covered head-to-toe in mud, after five minutes of playing with squirt guns.  Something had to change, so Jim and I began brainstorming for a solution.

Interestingly enough, the one thing that seemed to thrive in the shade was an ugly bush.  I truly hated this bush, mostly because when I was doing dishes the girls would hide behind it and I would have to stop what I was doing and call for them.  Plus it was simply ugly.

Jim and I decided to put rocks on both sides of the back door, to see if Maggie would stop digging.  Thankfully it worked.  So we thought we'd continue the rocks in the bush area.  Which meant - NO MORE BUSH!  WOOT!  Here are the results:

A Craft For Fun

A while back I read an article that showed great projects for old sheet music.  My father acquired a TON of old sheet music after his uncle passed, so I took time yesterday to sort through the piles and piles and piles.  I found nice sheets and today I made a wreath from the music.  I am super proud of the project.  I just LOVE it!

It was such a simple project, and the Ladybugs made their own music crafts.  So fun, especially on a day they felt ill.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

So What About the Ladybugs?

As we round out our eighth week of homeschooling, I am happy to report the blessings are immeasurable.

Many ladybug blessings...

I must admit that it took awhile to get things where they worked for us, but I have learned to leave my "schedule" behind, and ROLL with it.  Our basic day is as follows:

Morning Work:

Handwriting

Math

Grammar & Phonics

Read Aloud/Language Arts

Afternoon Work:

Silent Reading/Finish Morning Work

Social Studies

Science

Originally I had a different schedule, but I changed things a couple times to make it work for us.  One of the biggest changes is the time schedule for things.  Now I just have us complete morning work before lunch and do afternoon work after lunch.

As you can see I am not currently doing Spelling words.  I find that spelling is involved in book reports, questions for language arts, social studies reports, and science reports.  So spending time copying words and taking a weekly test just doesn't seem prudent for us at this time.  

I have also been asked if Eviebug does what Zoebug does.  The answer is, yes!  She prints, while Zoebug works on cursive writing, she has her own Math while Zoebug does Math, they both have Grammar/Phonics workbooks, and they both work on Science and Social Studies as well.  The one area I separate them is Language Arts.  Eviebug listens while Zoebug reads her story of the day.  Then Zoebug writes answers to the daily story while Eviebug reads aloud to me.  

I have also noticed that taking many breaks throughout the day helps the Labybugs stay focused on their work.  These breaks do not include watching TV or playing a video game.  Rather they are playing with Maggie outside.  

We also play many educational games.  Our current favorite is Quirkle.  

I have also enjoyed teachable moments - unscheduled opportunities to teach and be taught.  I look at these as being on the same vein as what some call, "unschooling".  It is a way to have child-directed learning.  However, for our purposes I am only having these interests determine our science and/or social studies work.  

For instance, every spring we have a mom and dad robin who make a nest using our gutters: Robins  We talked about how every year they come back to have babies. And then we watched this great video:

CLICK HERE!

Are You Teaching Them Enough?

I also have been asked what curriculum I use.  I have had the great pleasure of having a retired elementary school teacher as a mom, and I also have collected "stuff" throughout the many years I have been teaching.  Therefore, I use a hodge-podge of curriculum at this point, but if we continue in the fall I will use a more focused curriculum series (maybe).

Here is what I use for each subject:

Morning Work:

Handwriting

• Originally we were continuing Handwriting Without Tears with Zoebug (she was working on this in her classroom), however, after WAY TOO MANY TEARS (I know, right?), I switched to Zander-Bloser Handwriting.  Eviebug prints words from her read aloud books.  I have her print them 3 times each.  

Math

• Originally I had Eviebug in a book I got Zoebug from Target 3 years ago.  However, she finished it last week.  Now both girls are in Evan-Moor Skill Sharpeners.  Zoebug is in a 3rd grade book and Eviebug in a 1st grade book.

Grammar & Phonics

• Zoebug was given Grammar worksheets from school, so we've continued a unit of those per week at her speed (3 or 4 pages per day).  Eviebug was using that Target book, but this week Eviebug started a new book, Word Skills Fun from The Mailbox Books for K-1.  

Read Aloud/Language Arts

• Zoebug has been using a series of books from my mother's years as a teacher.  The series is for 2nd and 3rd grade and is from the D.C. Heath and Company.  Eviebug is currently reading first readers from Margaret Hillert.  We have been enjoying watching Eviebug grow at reading, considering before homeschooling she was reading one and two word stories.  

Afternoon Work:

Silent Reading/Finish Morning Work

• Zoebug reads chapter books for book reports which she does upon completion.  She read a few Magic Treehouse books, then switched to The Bailey School Kids series.  She likes mystery/detective books a lot (her past favorite was Nate the Great).  Evie reads picture books (looks at pictures somewhat) to herself.  

Social Studies

Science

• In both cases the girls have been taught subjects that they find fascinating.  We have learned about Thomas Edison, Robert Frost, crystals, rocks, and robins.  It is so much fun learning as we go.

The Future

I have been asked by many what our plans are for schooling in the fall.  Zoebug was accepted at our school of choice (School L).  Unfortunately, Eviebug was not.  The 1st grade for the fall at School L does not have the space the 3rd grade does.  So now we have applied for a boundary extension for Eviebug.  When will we hear?  August.  Yeah, August.  If Eviebug does NOT get the boundary extension, we have decided to continue homeschooling in the fall.  There is nothing wrong with our neighborhood school (School N), but I feel homeschooling would be the better choice for us.  If Eviebug in fact does get approved for the boundary extension, we will have to cross that bridge at that time.

I have many friends who are looking forward for school to be done this spring - in order to spend more time with their babes.  I also know many who are excited there is no more "homework" during the summer months.  However, we are not going to stop learning this summer.  We will be doing curriculum from the Prairie Primer.  In fact, we are all looking forward to learning more about the time Laura Ingalls lived.  One of my problems with traditional schooling is the mindset that summer is when you no longer learn.  I really feel it is sad to teach our children that reading, writing, math, and other skills are only important between September and June.  I believe it is my job as a mom to cultivate their desire to ask questions, and want to learn more from our world.

The Healing Continues

As our fourth week of homeschooling begins, I am exhausted but extremely thankful I made the choice to remove ourselves from the toxic environment.

There is always hope.  Even in the darkest moments of the school situation, I was able to find beauty.

The parents, teachers, and children at the school were like the flowers in the picture above.  However, as the year progressed, toxic waste was killing each and every one of the uniquely beautiful flowers.  Petals drooped, leaves wilted and once sweet fragrances turned putrid.  The nasty weeds were at every corner, whispering lies into those who were carefully cultivated, turning the other glorious blooms into wilted intruders.  I refused to allow my Ladybugs to lose their bright and blooming minds and spirits indoctrinated into the lies perpetrated by the poisonous soil.

One of the reasons that kept me at the school for so long was that I had created a field trip for the entire school to see an opera.  I have three current private students, and one former student who are all part of the Michigan Opera Theater Children's Chorus.  I thought taking the school to see their opera, The Happy Prince, would be a wonderful experience, especially for those children who would never attend another opera.  When we left the school, Zoebug was upset about the fact we would not be able to see the opera.  However, a dear friend of mine (and mother of the former student mentioned above) was taking a homeschool group to the opera.  And we were able to tag along!

I was so thrilled to see such talent in young people - and so were the Ladybugs.  It was truly a memorable experience.

But it is not just the "field trips" that make homeschooling the right choice for us.  I am also enamored  by the amount of knowledge Evabug is taking in each day.  Her reading has taken flight and her math skills have increased dramatically.  Zoebug is also doing quite well in the less stressful environment of home.  The dull and dreary days of this school year have been replaced with much more happiness and ease of learning.

The biggest downside is that my life is completely focused on them.  I'm not saying the my focus should be elsewhere.  But I very rarely get time alone, as I am with the girls 24/7 now.  With the exception of when I work, they are my everything.  However, I do believe this is where I am supposed to be - with my blooming flowers in the garden of our home.

The Healing Has Begun

This week the Ladybugs and I embarked on a new journey: homeschooling.

And I have to admit, I was a bit reluctant to even think of being with my girls all day EVERY day.  But the truth is, I absolutely LOVE it.  I would have never thought it would be so satisfying and overall stress-free.

I was able to watch my Ladybugs explore science, engage in conversation about history, further develop math skills, and run and play in our backyard with our new puppy.  Laughter, giggles, and smiles accompanied their overall demeanor, and the healing allowed the stress from the toxic school environment to melt away.

A Mistaken Reason for Leaving
For most of the week after we left the school, I was asked in countless emails and phone messages to reconcile and talk through my issues.  That reconciliation and communication is the "Christian thing to do".  As much as I believe forgiveness is essential for the one who is hurting, trust is something that does not heal by simply hearing, "I'm sorry!"

Some believe my family left the school for selfish reasons on my part, and I would like to address that now.

Since the moment I took the teaching position at the school, my family has undergone stress.  I spent countless nights praying and deep thinking about what I could do to rectify the decision I made.  However, my decision to teach at the school was always for my Ladybugs, so I persevered.  I entered the new year with hope, a cleaning person, and a daughter in therapy for her anxiety.  The challenge work/life balance was definitely a difficult one, but I did feel that I could successfully finish out the school year.

However, immediately there were children talking about how they couldn't wait to attend a new school in the fall (or sooner), and parents were whispering in the hallways.  Then the letter came home with the sad news: the school was closing at the end of the school year.  My family were all saddened by the news, but the saddest part was only to come.

I have written many blog posts regarding the process I took to determine which school situation was going to be best for our ladybugs this fall.  However, doing research and developing a logic-based system proved to simply mask the hurt and anger we continued to feel regarding the closing of a beloved school.  As time went on I was shocked to find how others were acting, and I was also appalled to learn how at least a dozen families were delinquent on their tuition for the school year (some had balances that included passed years as well).  Here us "long time" families were asked to make pledges to get the school passed this "transitional year", while others were not even contributing a dime.

It was also becoming obvious that certain families did 90% of the work at the school, resulting in a huge surplus of parent hours.  Two parent families are required to work 40 hours at the school, and we already had close to 50 hours by Christmas break.  However, there were families who had a huge deficit where parent hours were concerned, and for years these families were never charged a fee for this (even though that was the supposed method of action).  This, and other decisions made contributed to my disillusioned emotions.

Then the blog hit the fan.   Interesting factoid: Our puppy, Maggie Mae, was born on February 22nd, the same day I published this blog:

Not My Child

When I was approached to pull the blog, I thought about quitting on the spot.  However, I felt that I needed to make a logical decision, and one that was best for my entire family.  I gave myself until Easter break.  There were times that I was certain that I would finish out the school year.  However, as time progressed the environment became increasingly toxic.  Evabug began to cry all the time, begging to stay home from school.  Even when I explained how fun school was, she just couldn't return to the little Ladybug she was before.  Zoebug came home with stories about other children and the teasing.  I could see that we were all affected by the death that was happening around us each day.

I believe the decision to leave when we did was the best choice we could make for our ladybugs, and therefore, myself and Jim as well.  Not the other way around.

Moving Forward
I have had people question whether I will homeschool the Ladybugs in the fall, and I simply do not have an answer for that.  I must say that I really love being with my bugs, and I look forward to the path we forge together.  I know that even if it truly wasn't the "Christian thing to do" we have made the right choice to heal as a family.

The Journey Continues

I am often amazed at the doors that open following ones slammed in my face.  And I am happy to report that I believe that is exactly what my family is experiencing this week.

Door #1
The first came in the moment I knew being a homeschool teacher was something I could do successfully.  The Ladybugs and I joined my dear friend, Jill (Aunt Jill), at the Hands On Museum in Ann Arbor.  The girls had such a great time.

At one point, Evabug was looking at a ball machine.  The balls were getting sucked up into the machine, and the idea was that you could feel the air flow.  Evabug has always been fascinated by the machine at the credit union drive up window.  I explained to her that this ball machine was a lot like the machine at the credit union.  There was a mom standing next to the machine with her child and she said to me, "Oh!  I didn't think of it in every day activities!"  The area is called "THE WORLD AROUND YOU," which I would have to think is a place children can experience the science that is around them every day.  And I realized that I could truly be an effective teacher for my ladybugs.  After all, I have been teaching them since they were born.

Door #2
The second door was a doggie door.  For quite some time now the Ladybugs (especially Zoebug) have been asking for a puppy.  In the beginning, Jim was reluctant, and I actually was pretty certain I would not be able to convince in otherwise.  Once a week I spend a bit of time searching online.  During this time Jim agreed to a puppy, but only if it was a lab mix.  I happen to be partial to golden retrievers, most likely because our neighbors had two and we had a golden/husky mix growing up.

Last Wednesday I came across two puppies from a farm.  The people bread lab/golden/border collie mix puppies, and cocker spaniel puppies too.  They currently had two of the lab mix puppies for sale.  Only $100.  It seemed like such a low price, considering the puppies came with a health guarantee.  They were dewormed twice and had their first set of puppy shots.  I contacted the seller, and she was more than happy to post new pictures of the puppies.  I told her we wouldn't be able to make it out to them (they were one hour and 15 minutes away) until Saturday, but that we really wanted one of the puppies.  We spoke the next morning, and I really thought they sounded like a wonderful family.  She even gave me credit for the $50 deposit they require from interested buyers.

So In Conclusion
We were thrilled to bring home little Maggie Mae on Saturday.  She is truly a sweet little girl, and she has added a sense of fun we desperately needed around here.

The Ladybugs just finished their first day of homeschooling, and I am really proud of the work we were able to finish in just 5 short hours.  The doors that have opened have completely surprised me and reassured me that our journey is going to be fantastic!

Embracing Homeschooling

Not my ladybugs, but you get the "picture"....

I have always been a very open person when it comes to lifestyles.  I have tattoos, I would like my nose pierced, and I LOVE glitter (okay maybe the last one isn't all that wild).  However, when it comes to my children I take a very conservative stand on their upbringing.  I had both in a hospital, I vaccinate, and I sent them to a private Christian school.  And that is exactly what I was providing: traditional values, traditional morals, traditional education.  However, as I have mentioned before, the environment of the school has become quite toxic.

So after weeks of uncovering more unpleasantries at the school, Jim and I are pulling the girls from the building and I will start homeschooling Monday, April 8th.

At first I was against homeschooling the ladybugs.  Why?  Because I know how they can act sometimes with each other.  Not nice.  And being together every day could potentially drive me insane.  But then a good friend of mine said that it would be special time together, time that we would always remember.  And that is exactly what I hope happens.  Good or bad, happy or sad; the time learning together will be a memory we will always treasure.

Yesterday a friend of mine, and mother to Zoebug's best friend, met for coffee.  She is also planning on pulling her daughter after Easter break.  We can help each other and keep each other's spirits up when we are feeling overwhelmed.  She plans on continuing her homeschooling in the fall.  However, my plan is to still have the girls attend the neighborhood school down the street.  But you never know!

After an emotional early morning coffee, I arrived a work and began looking through cabinets to retrieve any of my belongings.  I ran across a magnet that I have NEVER seen before.  It was a music note with scripture on it.  It touched my heart, and I believe it to be a perfect way to end this post.

"Thou shalt be secure because there is hope." ~Job 11:18

The End of A Long Week

...or Thank God for Xanex!

I know there is a greater purpose for what I have been experiencing this week (and the last month in general), and logically I know the storm will pass (most likely leaving debris everywhere to be cleaned up...but that's another blog).  I also believe in karma; not because I hope people "get their due," but because I believe that by loving and caring for others, I too will receive love and support in return.

I have been humbled by those who have stepped forward and thanked me for my recent blog on bullying.  I have been approached by so many readers (in person and online) who want to show appreciation for my open and honest take on the subject.  Even though I felt it appropriate to remove certain content until a future date, I feel the essence of my beliefs remains in the words not affected by this decision.

The truth is, I have forgiven the people who bullied me years ago and even those who have hurt me recently.  But I am unable to forget the pain that I endured at their words and actions.  Due to my past, I believe I am able to identify bullying and volatile situations easier than someone who has not experienced the pain, the stress, and the overwhelming sense of helplessness.  I was surprised that I hit a nerve with some who felt I was being too unkind to children.  Some thought I wasn't taking into consideration that children are born into sin, and therefore unable to always choose the right words or actions.

Please let me make myself clear: I do believe that some children are unkind (or other more descriptive names) by nature and/or nurture.  However, to me it does not matter whether one believes a child is born into sin or whether one believes that a child does not understand their words and/or actions.  What I am stating is that I believe it is sad and lazy if we as parents and educators simply brush off a child's behavior as "normal" or "how all children are".  Yes, children often speak their minds, and yes, many times what they say is unkind or hurtful.  However, it is our job as parents and teachers to instruct children how to behave (and not behave) toward others.  It is not merely a result of one teacher doing her best to redirect conversations. We need to have assemblies, conversations, and really enforce bullying situations with consequences.  We also need to have children feel that their opinions and feelings matter.  Even if a teacher or adult does not perceive the situation as bullying, the student may feel differently.

And we cannot ignore what a child perceives happened, because after all our opinions are directly influenced by how we feel about our environment.  As a parent it is hard to believe everything my girls tell me, but it is critical to listen to what they are saying because to them it is important.  I was very lucky to have a mother who listened to my tangents of thought each night after dinner.  I do not believe the teachers at the school understood the deep hurt I felt with friendships, nor was the idea of getting bullied at the forefront of conversations.  However, my mother listened.  I oftentimes heard, "you just have a difficult group of kids in your grade/class."  Which in retrospect is like saying, "kids will be kids."  But the fact remains: my mother was a saint for listening.

The Minor Fall, The Major Lift
The tricky part of bullying is that most of the time children aren't chanting the taunting minor third, "na na na na na." to another child, nor are there bruises or wedgies from bullies obtaining lunch money.  That is stuff in which movies are made.  Unfortunately we as parents and educators are influenced by what we see, and oftentimes serious situations go unnoticed.  But I can tell you from my own experience that bullying happens at church, at Girl Scout meetings (in front of my mother), and during classroom group projects.  So it hurts me when people dismiss situations in which a child or children are getting belittled, or when parents and/or teachers think the problem has been resolved.  Ask the child/children involved...they will tell you when they feel safe and comfortable.

Yes, I was a victim of bullying, but nothing is quite so crushing as having your child a victim herself.  When I described the situation in the bullying blog post, I was sharing frustration based on a long conversation with Zoebug, as well as an email from her teacher.  I did state that her teacher deflected the conversations between the children, but the other children are not MY child.  And MY child was still upset when she came home from school.  In fact, it took until the following evening (and a school tour) for Zoebug to move past the situation.  Maybe other children were also affected, hurt, stressed, and confused, but I am not their Mother.  I also feel that the fears of these children could have possibly prevented if the school had an assembly or meeting for the entire school (parents, children, teachers, etc.) to discuss how to move forward without fears.  It is these fears that can and do fuel children's reactions to others, and in many cases lead to teasing and bullying.

Trustworthy Relationships
The most difficult part of this week has been determining whom I can trust.  The answer is a small few.  But this is not the first time I have had to make the hard decision to eliminate people from my heart and my life.

And with that, I leave you this:

Not My Kid

...or Why Is It the People Who Take Heart With What I Write Are Always Those Who I'm Not Talking About In The First Place?

Zoebug and her friend, Anthony - Summer 2009

Professionally Speaking
As a private teacher I quite often have to write general emails that pertain to only a few clients.  However, I send the email in mass (i.e. to all students) to make sure I have covered all bases.  I believe information is key to any relationship, therefore, including the non-violators in the email allows all to have the knowledge.  Each time I send these emails I get people responding to make sure they are not at fault.  And the interesting thing is that I NEVER get a response (verbal or written) from the families who I'm actually trying to reach.

I have one family in particular who seems to feel the rules do not apply to them.  I am constantly on them for tuition payment and getting forms back to me.  I used to feel the mom did not appreciate what I was teaching, nor did I feel she respected my work.  However, a few weeks ago I approached her about the fact that her children were not practicing.  I told her (and the children) that I do not continue to teach students who don't practice.  I put them on probation.  The mother was very upset, because she felt they had to learn the piano.  That it wasn't just a hobby or something for fun.  She felt it was just as important as school.  I was shocked at this.  But, the children had a week off and then for the last two weeks they have practiced. I was surprised.  Of course this has nothing to do with the fact that the mother is always one if not two weeks late with her tuition payment.

Personally Speaking
Last Wednesday, I wrote a blog about how people have been showering me with their opinions about my choices for schools next fall.  Click here to read the post.  But the real kicker was after I wrote the blog, I got an email from Zoebug's teacher informing me of a situation in class.

Apparently the children had been talking about where they were going to attend school in the fall.  Even though many of the children aren't registered anywhere (I only know this because I've talked to their parents), they jumped on the bandwagon saying they were ALL going to this particular Lutheran school.  All except Zoebug's BFF.  When Zoebug (bless her honest heart) said she was not going there the rest of the children began making fun of her.  Zoebug's teacher claimed that the conversations had been going on for the last few days, but she was doing her best to divert the talk of schools.

When Zoebug came home, I proceeded to question her as to how she felt about the lunchtime talk.  She told me that it was two children in particular who lead the conversation.  There was also talk about how Zoebug should tell us we are not making the right decision by not sending her to the Lutheran school.  That she is ruining their friendships by not going to the Lutheran school.

After talking further, I realized that Zoebug didn't care that she wasn't going to the Lutheran school, but that she was hurt that her so called "friends" were not accepting of that.  Because I was bullied in school, I have a hard time not going to that place in my heart and mind.  However, I did my best to keep a clear head.  I assured Zoebug that the children in her class were not all going to attend that Lutheran school, but that I was really proud of her that she didn't lie to fit in.  We forgave the children together.  Then I went on Facebook.  Normally I like to stay away from drama, but this time I felt I needed to post something public that the parents of these children would read.

I wrote:

Heartbreaking is finding out your school is closing; soul crushing is having your daughter picked on because she isn't going to the same school next fall as many of the other students.

I had many Facebook friends comment.  One mother did ask if her son was involved.  The truth is: I wasn't there.  I don't know exactly what was said.  But I do know my daughter was teased for something that is ridiculous and completely not her fault.  And after all of that, who would want to be friends with those nasty kids anyway?

Just yesterday (over a week after my Facebook post), I was approached by two other mothers wondering if their sons were involved.  Again, they were part of the children who said they were going to the Lutheran school, but they weren't the instigators.  I reassured them that their children were not the instigators, and they assured me that had both spoke to their sons about what was being said to my daughter.  And the thing is?  I don't care that I put that as a status message.  I don't care if I was being dramatic.  Because all too often we accept the saying, "kids will be kids" and that is just parents and teachers being lazy and disrespectful of the child who is getting teased.  Just because a kid is acting like asshole, does not mean my daughter should accept that as "normal".

Yes, I just said kids can act like an asshole.  I often say (in the vein of Horton Hears a Who):

An assholes an asshole no matter how small.

Yesterday I saw a link to a video that brought me to tears.  It was a fantastic account of how a person feels when they have been the target of bullies.  I will end my blog post today with that video.  The fact is, names do hurt...

Assessment of School "N"

Just in case you read this and have the urge to kidnap our children, I have decided to call our neighborhood school "N" for "neighborhood".

On Valentine's Day we went for a tour of our neighborhood public school.  I was glad the Ladybugs could come along, especially Zoe.  She had been a victim of teasing last week multiple times, due to her response of where she was going to school in the fall.  We were already heartbroken over loosing our school home of the last four years, but my soul was crushed when I read the email from her teacher.  I am completely confident Zoe's teacher did her best to redirect the conversation when it centered around the topic of schools.  However, Zoe came home very hurt and expressed her concern that her classroom friends did not accept she would be attending a different school than many.  Actually ALL the children in her classroom (besides one other) said they were going to attend a certain Lutheran school together, even though a few families have yet to make up their minds.  The students suggested Zoe come home and tell us we needed to send her to their school, because if she didn't come the friendships would all be messed up.

I let Zoe spend Thursday at home.  She had a canine pulled at the dentist on Wednesday evening, as directed by her orthodontist, and a treatment by a dermatologist for a skin condition.  Between the two procedures and the level of teasing on Wednesday, I decided Thursday was a good day to just be together.  So Evie, Zoe and I decorated heart cookies and had tea with their cousin, Emma.  Then we picked up Jim and all went down the street to our neighborhood school.

School "N" was pretty much a small public elementary school.  I say this, because it reminds me A LOT of my elementary school - just on a smaller scale.  The principal was enthusiastic and extremely welcoming.  She gave us a brief overall of the curriculum and then took us on a tour of the school.

My personal favorite part was the fact the art room had its own kiln.  This means pottery lessons for the kids!  So exciting!  The school is a small elementary, with one class per grade in most cases.  This was reassuring, as our girls are not familiar with large classes of children nor a large school.  We met many of the teaching staff on our tour, and they were all young and seemed very friendly.  The computer lab is getting all new computers in the next couple months and the rooms are all equipped with Promethean Boards.

Zoe seemed to be engaged in the tour, and was happy with the choice when we were done.  She especially loved the idea of hot lunch EVERY day.  The principal assured us the school is a small community of close families and students.  When she found out Zoe and Eva missed their Valentine's parties, she had them come into her office and filled their arms with goodies to share.  It was completely unexpected, but also completely warm. She is Christian, gave up candy for Lent, and was happy to give the candy to the girls.  Jim and I walked away knowing it was a solid choice for our girls to attend.  As the school's leader, the principal definitely put forward her kind and caring spirit.  It was definitely a bonus in the long run.

I know our girls will miss the friendships they have made at their current school, and the relationships with the staff and families involved with running our school.  I also know they love to sing at chapel every Monday morning, learn about Jesus, and pray for their loved ones during class time each day.  Going to a public school does not allow for these special things they have come to love.  However, we have begun a daily Bible study this Lent, which has us discussing the footsteps of Jesus to the cross.  If we decide to send our girls to school "N", I would like to have a daily Bible study at the home for them to look forward each day.  

So here is the assessment results:

SCHOOL "N"

Pros
Free (already paid in city taxes)
Within Walking distance (literally a block away)
Technology is Current and Taught
Focus on the Arts (kiln located in classroom)
Very kind and Welcoming Principal
Small Building/Small Enrollment
Community of Families

Cons
Non-Christian
Larger Class Sizes (average around 23 per class/grade)