Not My Kid

...or Why Is It the People Who Take Heart With What I Write Are Always Those Who I'm Not Talking About In The First Place?

Zoebug and her friend, Anthony - Summer 2009

Professionally Speaking
As a private teacher I quite often have to write general emails that pertain to only a few clients.  However, I send the email in mass (i.e. to all students) to make sure I have covered all bases.  I believe information is key to any relationship, therefore, including the non-violators in the email allows all to have the knowledge.  Each time I send these emails I get people responding to make sure they are not at fault.  And the interesting thing is that I NEVER get a response (verbal or written) from the families who I'm actually trying to reach.

I have one family in particular who seems to feel the rules do not apply to them.  I am constantly on them for tuition payment and getting forms back to me.  I used to feel the mom did not appreciate what I was teaching, nor did I feel she respected my work.  However, a few weeks ago I approached her about the fact that her children were not practicing.  I told her (and the children) that I do not continue to teach students who don't practice.  I put them on probation.  The mother was very upset, because she felt they had to learn the piano.  That it wasn't just a hobby or something for fun.  She felt it was just as important as school.  I was shocked at this.  But, the children had a week off and then for the last two weeks they have practiced. I was surprised.  Of course this has nothing to do with the fact that the mother is always one if not two weeks late with her tuition payment.

Personally Speaking
Last Wednesday, I wrote a blog about how people have been showering me with their opinions about my choices for schools next fall.  Click here to read the post.  But the real kicker was after I wrote the blog, I got an email from Zoebug's teacher informing me of a situation in class.

Apparently the children had been talking about where they were going to attend school in the fall.  Even though many of the children aren't registered anywhere (I only know this because I've talked to their parents), they jumped on the bandwagon saying they were ALL going to this particular Lutheran school.  All except Zoebug's BFF.  When Zoebug (bless her honest heart) said she was not going there the rest of the children began making fun of her.  Zoebug's teacher claimed that the conversations had been going on for the last few days, but she was doing her best to divert the talk of schools.

When Zoebug came home, I proceeded to question her as to how she felt about the lunchtime talk.  She told me that it was two children in particular who lead the conversation.  There was also talk about how Zoebug should tell us we are not making the right decision by not sending her to the Lutheran school.  That she is ruining their friendships by not going to the Lutheran school.

After talking further, I realized that Zoebug didn't care that she wasn't going to the Lutheran school, but that she was hurt that her so called "friends" were not accepting of that.  Because I was bullied in school, I have a hard time not going to that place in my heart and mind.  However, I did my best to keep a clear head.  I assured Zoebug that the children in her class were not all going to attend that Lutheran school, but that I was really proud of her that she didn't lie to fit in.  We forgave the children together.  Then I went on Facebook.  Normally I like to stay away from drama, but this time I felt I needed to post something public that the parents of these children would read.

I wrote:

Heartbreaking is finding out your school is closing; soul crushing is having your daughter picked on because she isn't going to the same school next fall as many of the other students.

I had many Facebook friends comment.  One mother did ask if her son was involved.  The truth is: I wasn't there.  I don't know exactly what was said.  But I do know my daughter was teased for something that is ridiculous and completely not her fault.  And after all of that, who would want to be friends with those nasty kids anyway?

Just yesterday (over a week after my Facebook post), I was approached by two other mothers wondering if their sons were involved.  Again, they were part of the children who said they were going to the Lutheran school, but they weren't the instigators.  I reassured them that their children were not the instigators, and they assured me that had both spoke to their sons about what was being said to my daughter.  And the thing is?  I don't care that I put that as a status message.  I don't care if I was being dramatic.  Because all too often we accept the saying, "kids will be kids" and that is just parents and teachers being lazy and disrespectful of the child who is getting teased.  Just because a kid is acting like asshole, does not mean my daughter should accept that as "normal".

Yes, I just said kids can act like an asshole.  I often say (in the vein of Horton Hears a Who):

An assholes an asshole no matter how small.

Yesterday I saw a link to a video that brought me to tears.  It was a fantastic account of how a person feels when they have been the target of bullies.  I will end my blog post today with that video.  The fact is, names do hurt...