Pilgrimage End...
As I come to the end of the "Pilgrimage," I am confident I've been lead in the direction of the Coffee Hour at Zoe's school. Wednesday's now encompass two Bible studies: Genesis, and the Bible's teachings.
I am also thrilled to continue a Bible study with my church: Parables from the Back Side. It is a small group, but a wonderful opportunity to study together.
Reading scripture together and studying the verses is so much more fulfilling than studying on my own. As much as I enjoyed parts of the "Pilgrimage," I find myself wanting to continue in group (large and small) studies rather than private ones. I love hearing the variety of opinions, and heartfelt questions. It also helps me to be a part of something greater than myself.
Here's the the start of the next part of my journey - may the road be filed with wonder.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 30:1-5
I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up,
and did not let my foes rejoice over me.
O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me.
O Lord, you brought up my soul from Sheol,
restored me to life from among those gone down to the Pit.
Sing praises to the Lord, O you his faithful ones,
and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment;
his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may linger for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Showing posts with label pilgrimage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pilgrimage. Show all posts
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
pilgrimage - day #39
Today's Scripture
Psalm 126
When the Lord restored the fortune of Zion,
were were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filed with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then it was said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us,
and we rejoiced.
Restore our fortunes, O Lord,
like the watercourses in the Negeb.
May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
carrying their sheaves.
Since I was curious, Negeb means "to be dry," or "parched regions."
Today's topic is "Leaving the Past." I have had a few really bizarre dreams lately. I am still married to my ex-husband and we are dealing with weird life experiences. At some point in the dreams, I am reminded that I am still in love with Jim, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I often think, "why am I with this guy again? I thought I divorced him!"
Mike has often crept into dreams over the years. Usually we are hanging out, or reliving past events in our lives. But I'm wondering if actually hanging out with him and his family lately has provoked odd brain synopsis. In fact, last night I was with him and his family (including Amanda, his wife) moving into a new house. I wasn't married to Mike, but living with his family. I didn't have the girls, but I kept wondering why I wasn't with Jim. Oh well.
So do I leave the past behind? Yes, and no. I suppose it depends on the situation or relationship. Mostly it depends on if there was unfinished business attached to either. At least I am having dreams of who Mike currently is: married to Amanda, a father, etc. I still have strange dreams about Dave, an ex boyfriend from a lifetime ago. However, in the dreams he has hair, is skinny, and looks like he did in high school. I suppose that is where my heart and mind remember him best - the past.
I am hoping that my spiritual journey allows me to move forward in all my past relationships, even the ones that have business unfinished.
Psalm 126
When the Lord restored the fortune of Zion,
were were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filed with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then it was said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us,
and we rejoiced.
Restore our fortunes, O Lord,
like the watercourses in the Negeb.
May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
carrying their sheaves.
Since I was curious, Negeb means "to be dry," or "parched regions."
Today's topic is "Leaving the Past." I have had a few really bizarre dreams lately. I am still married to my ex-husband and we are dealing with weird life experiences. At some point in the dreams, I am reminded that I am still in love with Jim, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I often think, "why am I with this guy again? I thought I divorced him!"
Mike has often crept into dreams over the years. Usually we are hanging out, or reliving past events in our lives. But I'm wondering if actually hanging out with him and his family lately has provoked odd brain synopsis. In fact, last night I was with him and his family (including Amanda, his wife) moving into a new house. I wasn't married to Mike, but living with his family. I didn't have the girls, but I kept wondering why I wasn't with Jim. Oh well.
So do I leave the past behind? Yes, and no. I suppose it depends on the situation or relationship. Mostly it depends on if there was unfinished business attached to either. At least I am having dreams of who Mike currently is: married to Amanda, a father, etc. I still have strange dreams about Dave, an ex boyfriend from a lifetime ago. However, in the dreams he has hair, is skinny, and looks like he did in high school. I suppose that is where my heart and mind remember him best - the past.
I am hoping that my spiritual journey allows me to move forward in all my past relationships, even the ones that have business unfinished.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
pilgrimage - day #38
According to the author, "Pilgrimage is both the journey and the destination."
I'm not looking for a destination, so I'm not sure I would know it when I got there. My pilgrimage's sole purpose (or soul purpose) is the journey. I don't have an "end" in sight, and is that okay? Is it okay to just take the walk? At this point, I'm going to have to say, "yes, the walk is even more important than the destination."
Today's Scripture
Psalms 48:12-14)
Walk about Zion, go all around it,
count its towers,
consider well its ramparts;
go through its citadels,
that you may tell the next generation
that this is God,
our God forever and ever.
He will be our guide forever.
I'm not looking for a destination, so I'm not sure I would know it when I got there. My pilgrimage's sole purpose (or soul purpose) is the journey. I don't have an "end" in sight, and is that okay? Is it okay to just take the walk? At this point, I'm going to have to say, "yes, the walk is even more important than the destination."
Today's Scripture
Psalms 48:12-14)
Walk about Zion, go all around it,
count its towers,
consider well its ramparts;
go through its citadels,
that you may tell the next generation
that this is God,
our God forever and ever.
He will be our guide forever.
Monday, September 21, 2009
pilgrimage - day #37
Today another school week begins for us; today I'm hosting the first Eve Circle; today I have a laundry area to clean from the plumbing work yesterday; today I have errands to run, food to prepare and a house to clean.
Lists of things has always been my way of remembering and establishing a system of daily task organization. I long to be less anal retentive, and wish that my spiritual journey results in less restrictive behavior. The one thing I have not done during this journey is write "Bible study" nor "Pilgrimage on my "To Do" list. Why is that?
I'm hoping it's because like brushing my teeth and taking a shower, a daily spiritual time will become habitual. I don't wish the time to be mundane, like brushing teeth. Rather I am hoping that I'll continue to want to read more, learn more, and thirst for the word each and every day of my life.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 25:8-10
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his convenant and his decrees.
Lists of things has always been my way of remembering and establishing a system of daily task organization. I long to be less anal retentive, and wish that my spiritual journey results in less restrictive behavior. The one thing I have not done during this journey is write "Bible study" nor "Pilgrimage on my "To Do" list. Why is that?
I'm hoping it's because like brushing my teeth and taking a shower, a daily spiritual time will become habitual. I don't wish the time to be mundane, like brushing teeth. Rather I am hoping that I'll continue to want to read more, learn more, and thirst for the word each and every day of my life.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 25:8-10
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his convenant and his decrees.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
pilgrimage - day #36
the long and winding road....
I had this song on my mind this morning. And if you view it as a spiritual song, it's really powerful! Of course I love the Beatles, more than the average 30-something...so this is a perfect way to start a Sunday.
Today's Scripture
Pslams 71:20-21
You who have made me see many troubles and calamities
will revive me again;
from the depths of the earth
you will bring me up again.
You will increase my honor,
and comfort me once again.
I had this song on my mind this morning. And if you view it as a spiritual song, it's really powerful! Of course I love the Beatles, more than the average 30-something...so this is a perfect way to start a Sunday.
Today's Scripture
Pslams 71:20-21
You who have made me see many troubles and calamities
will revive me again;
from the depths of the earth
you will bring me up again.
You will increase my honor,
and comfort me once again.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
pilgrimage - day #35
Today's Scripture
Pslams 16: 1 - 3
Protect me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you."
As for the holy ones in the land, they are the noble,
in whom is all my delight.
I had someone comment on my "good Mary" post from "pilgrimage - day #31." The author was, CAT, and this is what he/she wrote:
You should NOT pray the rosary or any other repetitive prayers. Look at what Jesus stated in the sermon on the mount at Matthew 6:7 and 7:21-23. Praying the rosary would definitely be displeasing to our heavenly Lord and Almighty Father.
This comment refers to the passage stating, "And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words."
This passage was speaking about the pharisees of the time. The men would stand on corners and shout prayers to God, drawing attention to themselves. Jesus was stating that praying for attention and just saying words is not the way to pray.
This reader must have missed some of my other blog posts, because I did mention the passage about "babbling like pagans." However, I also think CAT was not completely understanding why I wanted to use a rosary. It is in NO WAY to pray to Mary; rather I would like to use the "hail Mary" (or possibly a Biblical verse) as a way of meditation - to become focused to correctly pray to God. This would all be done in the comforts of my home, not on street corners like the pharisees and sadducees.
However, I do appreciate that my blog has been viewed by others, and that people feel compelled to comment on what they read. Thank you to all who fit this description, and those that just stop by to read.
Pslams 16: 1 - 3
Protect me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you."
As for the holy ones in the land, they are the noble,
in whom is all my delight.
I had someone comment on my "good Mary" post from "pilgrimage - day #31." The author was, CAT, and this is what he/she wrote:
You should NOT pray the rosary or any other repetitive prayers. Look at what Jesus stated in the sermon on the mount at Matthew 6:7 and 7:21-23. Praying the rosary would definitely be displeasing to our heavenly Lord and Almighty Father.
This comment refers to the passage stating, "And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words."
This passage was speaking about the pharisees of the time. The men would stand on corners and shout prayers to God, drawing attention to themselves. Jesus was stating that praying for attention and just saying words is not the way to pray.
This reader must have missed some of my other blog posts, because I did mention the passage about "babbling like pagans." However, I also think CAT was not completely understanding why I wanted to use a rosary. It is in NO WAY to pray to Mary; rather I would like to use the "hail Mary" (or possibly a Biblical verse) as a way of meditation - to become focused to correctly pray to God. This would all be done in the comforts of my home, not on street corners like the pharisees and sadducees.
However, I do appreciate that my blog has been viewed by others, and that people feel compelled to comment on what they read. Thank you to all who fit this description, and those that just stop by to read.
Friday, September 18, 2009
pilgrimage - day #34
breaking away from American culture...
In the last week I read an amazing book, "Ishmael." Without giving away the ending, I will say that the concepts and ideas presented in the book gave me so much to think about. We need to belong to the world, instead of trying to own the world. We are not God Almighty, nor are we truly able to control life...even if at times it feels possible.
We have become a society of impatient, attention deficit, entertainment seekers. We can't wait to have our friend or colleague return home or to the office, so we call their cell phone. When we get the voicemail we become irritated. Where is our instant result? The Internet is a fabulous tool - instantaneous answers to most any question you could ask. But when the Google search returns a less than satisfactory result, what is our response? We are annoyed! Why isn't there a result with the exact answer to my exact question, dammit?
When Bonnie was over on Wednesday I spoke to her about my dislike of the new mega churches with worship bands and Powepoint presentations. Yes, they are able to appeal to many young people. They can say that they have a huge following. However, is the congregation following God or are they simply there for Sunday morning entertainment? 2 Timothy 4:3 says, "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desire, they will gather around them a great number of teacher to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."
There are those looking for "spiritual junk food," hoping to hear the exact answer of their desires. Am I that shallow? Am I looking for a faith that fits my lifestyle, or am I willing to change my lifestyle to fit the true faith?
Most Bible-based Christian faiths are against abortion, homosexuality, and tattooing. I have 4 tattoos (to become 5 tomorrow), and I don't have problems with abortion nor homosexuality. I don't feel it is my place to judge what is right and what is wrong. But am I putting myself in a situation that is less than "true"?
Today's Scripture
Pslams 63: 1-4 (The Message)
God - you're my God!
I can't get enough of you!
I've worked up such a hunger and thirst for God,
traveling across dry and weary deserts.
So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open,
drinking in your strength and glory.
In your generous love I am really living at last!
My lips brim praises like fountains.
I bless you every time I take a breath;
My arms wave like banners of praise to you.
In the last week I read an amazing book, "Ishmael." Without giving away the ending, I will say that the concepts and ideas presented in the book gave me so much to think about. We need to belong to the world, instead of trying to own the world. We are not God Almighty, nor are we truly able to control life...even if at times it feels possible.
We have become a society of impatient, attention deficit, entertainment seekers. We can't wait to have our friend or colleague return home or to the office, so we call their cell phone. When we get the voicemail we become irritated. Where is our instant result? The Internet is a fabulous tool - instantaneous answers to most any question you could ask. But when the Google search returns a less than satisfactory result, what is our response? We are annoyed! Why isn't there a result with the exact answer to my exact question, dammit?
When Bonnie was over on Wednesday I spoke to her about my dislike of the new mega churches with worship bands and Powepoint presentations. Yes, they are able to appeal to many young people. They can say that they have a huge following. However, is the congregation following God or are they simply there for Sunday morning entertainment? 2 Timothy 4:3 says, "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desire, they will gather around them a great number of teacher to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."
There are those looking for "spiritual junk food," hoping to hear the exact answer of their desires. Am I that shallow? Am I looking for a faith that fits my lifestyle, or am I willing to change my lifestyle to fit the true faith?
Most Bible-based Christian faiths are against abortion, homosexuality, and tattooing. I have 4 tattoos (to become 5 tomorrow), and I don't have problems with abortion nor homosexuality. I don't feel it is my place to judge what is right and what is wrong. But am I putting myself in a situation that is less than "true"?
Today's Scripture
Pslams 63: 1-4 (The Message)
God - you're my God!
I can't get enough of you!
I've worked up such a hunger and thirst for God,
traveling across dry and weary deserts.
So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open,
drinking in your strength and glory.
In your generous love I am really living at last!
My lips brim praises like fountains.
I bless you every time I take a breath;
My arms wave like banners of praise to you.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
pilgrimage - day #33
having an agenda...
Each morning I awake with an agenda. Some days it is scheduled activities (i.e. preschool, Bible study, dance class, music class, teaching, etc.), and others it is more of a plan on action (i.e. need to vacuum that messy floor, need to run an errand, etc.).
I sometimes wonder what I'd do without my agenda. What if I were on a pilgrimage to another country with nothing more than a bag on my back and the dirt road under my feet. Where would my thoughts take me then?
The Witnesses speak of the "new system." A new Earth where there is abundance of food, no worries, no wanting for anything. Without my daily agenda, where would I be? What would I think about? Would I feel needed? Would I get the same satisfaction in accomplishments?
Today is no exception. Zoe's music lessons have been changed to Thursday mornings at 10. Zoe also has her first day of Tap and Ballet classes this evening. She is particularly excited about the tap classes, as all little girls are. The tap shoes are so fun - even as an adult. I loved the tap class I took 2 years ago. It seems like just yesterday that I took the class, but it became a pain to get myself out the door for a 6:30 class. Between dinner, getting myself ready, and feeding a baby (Eva was an infant at the time) I was always stressed at the class. But it was still fun!
The good thing about this pilgrimage is that I don't have an agenda. I am following a 40-day study, but I also am participating in two other Bible studies. One begins this Sunday at church; we are working on the parables of Jesus. The other is my studying with Bonnie. I get such fulfilment from the studies with Bonnie, that I can't imagine stopping the times together.
One agenda item I am seriously considering eliminating is my commitment to the Division of Congregational Life. I took on the position when I thought I would have a lot of summer meetings and the convention would take place in September. However, after our August meeting we postponed the convention until next spring. Every other person in the committee is retired or old enough that meeting on a morning at 10am is nothing but a fun outing. For me, it's an agenda item that I can't continue to commit. So today I have to formulate a letter or something to send out to the group. I just don't have the time to continue on the committee, and sometimes I think it's important to admit to creating an over-taxed agenda.
Today's Scripture
Pslams 139: 1-6
O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Each morning I awake with an agenda. Some days it is scheduled activities (i.e. preschool, Bible study, dance class, music class, teaching, etc.), and others it is more of a plan on action (i.e. need to vacuum that messy floor, need to run an errand, etc.).
I sometimes wonder what I'd do without my agenda. What if I were on a pilgrimage to another country with nothing more than a bag on my back and the dirt road under my feet. Where would my thoughts take me then?
The Witnesses speak of the "new system." A new Earth where there is abundance of food, no worries, no wanting for anything. Without my daily agenda, where would I be? What would I think about? Would I feel needed? Would I get the same satisfaction in accomplishments?
Today is no exception. Zoe's music lessons have been changed to Thursday mornings at 10. Zoe also has her first day of Tap and Ballet classes this evening. She is particularly excited about the tap classes, as all little girls are. The tap shoes are so fun - even as an adult. I loved the tap class I took 2 years ago. It seems like just yesterday that I took the class, but it became a pain to get myself out the door for a 6:30 class. Between dinner, getting myself ready, and feeding a baby (Eva was an infant at the time) I was always stressed at the class. But it was still fun!
The good thing about this pilgrimage is that I don't have an agenda. I am following a 40-day study, but I also am participating in two other Bible studies. One begins this Sunday at church; we are working on the parables of Jesus. The other is my studying with Bonnie. I get such fulfilment from the studies with Bonnie, that I can't imagine stopping the times together.
One agenda item I am seriously considering eliminating is my commitment to the Division of Congregational Life. I took on the position when I thought I would have a lot of summer meetings and the convention would take place in September. However, after our August meeting we postponed the convention until next spring. Every other person in the committee is retired or old enough that meeting on a morning at 10am is nothing but a fun outing. For me, it's an agenda item that I can't continue to commit. So today I have to formulate a letter or something to send out to the group. I just don't have the time to continue on the committee, and sometimes I think it's important to admit to creating an over-taxed agenda.
Today's Scripture
Pslams 139: 1-6
O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
pilgrimage - day #32
"For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." (Matthew 18:20)
It's interesting how many people will say they are spiritual, but not religious. I imagine a lot of Christian adults will say they are Christian but don't go to church. Contemporary religion seems to have become something to avoid - "those guys over there". I truly believe people would rather take a "pass" on the "organized" part of the religion definition. The following is from Wikipedia:
A religion is an organized approach to human spirituality which usually encompasses a set of narratives, symbols, beliefs and practices, often with a supernatural or transcendent quality, that give meaning to the practitioner's experiences of life through reference to a higher power, God or gods, or ultimate truth. It may be expressed through prayer, ritual, meditation, music and art, among other things. It may focus on specific supernatural, metaphysical, and moral claims about reality (the cosmos and human nature) which may yield a set of religious laws, ethics, and a particular lifestyle. Religion also encompasses ancestral or cultural traditions, writings, history, and mythology, as well as personal faith and religious experience.
I don't think I could disregard my religious background or beliefs, as I continue on this spiritual journey. I am more interested in experiencing a variety of religions, and ultimately finding my own results. I don't care if the results equate into a specific religion, or if the results only place me on another path. My desire is the process of the journey, not perfecting the end result. I don't have an end date in mind, nor do I care if it takes years to complete. So I must continue on the path with hope that my experiences will prove spiritually and religiously beneficial.
I love the church my family attends. I participate in the Board of Christian Education, serve as the Sunday School Superintendent, teach Sunday School and represent the church as an association member in the Division of Congregational Life. None of these activities are done by obligation, rather I want to serve my congregational home - my second family.
Jim recently sent his paperwork into the state to incorporate his ministry. He did this in order to be able to provide legal services for our friends' wedding next spring. My mother was rather shocked and appalled at how easy it was to say you had a church. But the definition from Jesus was very simple - and who are we to question Jesus?
Today's Scriptures
Pslams 139: 7-12
Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far wester horizon,
You'd find me in a minute -
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in
the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're
all the same to you.
It's interesting how many people will say they are spiritual, but not religious. I imagine a lot of Christian adults will say they are Christian but don't go to church. Contemporary religion seems to have become something to avoid - "those guys over there". I truly believe people would rather take a "pass" on the "organized" part of the religion definition. The following is from Wikipedia:
A religion is an organized approach to human spirituality which usually encompasses a set of narratives, symbols, beliefs and practices, often with a supernatural or transcendent quality, that give meaning to the practitioner's experiences of life through reference to a higher power, God or gods, or ultimate truth. It may be expressed through prayer, ritual, meditation, music and art, among other things. It may focus on specific supernatural, metaphysical, and moral claims about reality (the cosmos and human nature) which may yield a set of religious laws, ethics, and a particular lifestyle. Religion also encompasses ancestral or cultural traditions, writings, history, and mythology, as well as personal faith and religious experience.
I don't think I could disregard my religious background or beliefs, as I continue on this spiritual journey. I am more interested in experiencing a variety of religions, and ultimately finding my own results. I don't care if the results equate into a specific religion, or if the results only place me on another path. My desire is the process of the journey, not perfecting the end result. I don't have an end date in mind, nor do I care if it takes years to complete. So I must continue on the path with hope that my experiences will prove spiritually and religiously beneficial.
I love the church my family attends. I participate in the Board of Christian Education, serve as the Sunday School Superintendent, teach Sunday School and represent the church as an association member in the Division of Congregational Life. None of these activities are done by obligation, rather I want to serve my congregational home - my second family.
Jim recently sent his paperwork into the state to incorporate his ministry. He did this in order to be able to provide legal services for our friends' wedding next spring. My mother was rather shocked and appalled at how easy it was to say you had a church. But the definition from Jesus was very simple - and who are we to question Jesus?
Today's Scriptures
Pslams 139: 7-12
Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far wester horizon,
You'd find me in a minute -
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in
the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're
all the same to you.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
pilgrimage - day #31
the good Mary...
One of the elements missing from many religious services is the feminine. Unfortunately the "mother" part of Mother Earth has been long forgot, as men interpret Biblical stories to fit their "manly" needs. In my opinion, these needs are about men in charge; with women at the bottom on the food chain.
Even the Catholic church, whom make exaltations to mother Mary, don't allow women to preach or hold important roles in the church. Somewhere along the way, the beauty and warmth of the mother role was lost in the male dominated religious hierarchy. Sure, there is a prayer to her; but how many say the prayer and don't even take the time to experience what is being said.
Mary: Mother of Jesus, Mother of God, and Blessed Virgin Mary. In 401 C.E. the Council of Ephesus determined that Mary lived a sinless life and was a "god bearer." Whether myth or tradition, Mary became someone who prayers are sent, paintings drawn, songs are sung, and stories are written. Many believe Mary lived a virginal life - never consummating her marriage to Joseph. The "brothers" and "sisters" referred to in the Bible are simply ways to address those that followed Jesus. Whether you believe that Mary was an "immaculate conception" (i.e. sinless from birth), or that she was the mother of Jesus; this woman should at least sprout the desire to have a feminine element in the church.
In my readings on Wikipedia, I was a bit surprised to read the following:
"By contrast, certain documents of the Second Vatican Council, such as chapter VIII of the Dogmatic Constitution Lumen Gentium [3] describe Mary as higher than all other created beings, even angels: "she far surpasses all creatures, both in heaven and on earth"; but still in the final analysis, a created being, solely human - not divine - in her nature. On this showing, Catholic traditionalists would argue that there is no conflation [4] of the human and divine levels in their veneration of Mary."
The mother of God Almighty, no. The mother of Jesus, yes. But higher than all creatures? I don't think I could ever wrap my mind around that.
I believe Mary was the womb for the God's holy spirit. Jesus was born as a god-man; the man who would preach about his father's kingdom to come. I don't care whether Mary was a virgin, nor whether she ever consumated her relationship with Joseph. What matters to me is what Jesus taught his disciples.
I do have issues with the "biblical" views of a woman's role in society and in the family. I was raised with strong views that a woman can be whatever she wants to be. Of course if you listen to "bible-based" churches, you are told a wife is a helpmate to the husband. I'm sure this works in many marriages. To many, our family looks like a bible-based household. Husband/Father goes to work in the morning, and wife/mother keeps house and takes care of the children. Of course what isn't seen is that the wife/mother also has a part-time job (16 piano and/or voice students) which pays for a variety of things; including vacations and money for gas that gets husband/father to work. The wife/mother is also the Superintendent of Sunday School, a teacher at church, and an active member in the book club, women's circle and Bible study groups.
So why do I want a rosary to recite the "Hail Mary"? Because I think as a meditation tool it would be fantastic. I would hope it would allow my heart and mind to be open to listen to God Almighty. Is that what all Catholics do? Or do they simply say the prayer and never really understand what they are stating? The early monks used it for meditation, but is this what what the prayer is intended for today? Or is it used to punish those that sinned - "Say 5 Our Father's and 3 Hail Mary's for your sins today, son."
I would hope that each word that passes my lips leaves with true grace and heartfelt understanding.
"Hail Mary, full of grave, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen."
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 89:15-17 (Hebrew)
Happy are the people who know the festal shout,
who walk, O Lord, in the light of your countenance;
they exult in your name all day long,
and extol your righteousness.
For you are the glory of their strength;
by your favor our horn is exalted.
One of the elements missing from many religious services is the feminine. Unfortunately the "mother" part of Mother Earth has been long forgot, as men interpret Biblical stories to fit their "manly" needs. In my opinion, these needs are about men in charge; with women at the bottom on the food chain.
Even the Catholic church, whom make exaltations to mother Mary, don't allow women to preach or hold important roles in the church. Somewhere along the way, the beauty and warmth of the mother role was lost in the male dominated religious hierarchy. Sure, there is a prayer to her; but how many say the prayer and don't even take the time to experience what is being said.
Mary: Mother of Jesus, Mother of God, and Blessed Virgin Mary. In 401 C.E. the Council of Ephesus determined that Mary lived a sinless life and was a "god bearer." Whether myth or tradition, Mary became someone who prayers are sent, paintings drawn, songs are sung, and stories are written. Many believe Mary lived a virginal life - never consummating her marriage to Joseph. The "brothers" and "sisters" referred to in the Bible are simply ways to address those that followed Jesus. Whether you believe that Mary was an "immaculate conception" (i.e. sinless from birth), or that she was the mother of Jesus; this woman should at least sprout the desire to have a feminine element in the church.
In my readings on Wikipedia, I was a bit surprised to read the following:
"By contrast, certain documents of the Second Vatican Council, such as chapter VIII of the Dogmatic Constitution Lumen Gentium [3] describe Mary as higher than all other created beings, even angels: "she far surpasses all creatures, both in heaven and on earth"; but still in the final analysis, a created being, solely human - not divine - in her nature. On this showing, Catholic traditionalists would argue that there is no conflation [4] of the human and divine levels in their veneration of Mary."
The mother of God Almighty, no. The mother of Jesus, yes. But higher than all creatures? I don't think I could ever wrap my mind around that.
I believe Mary was the womb for the God's holy spirit. Jesus was born as a god-man; the man who would preach about his father's kingdom to come. I don't care whether Mary was a virgin, nor whether she ever consumated her relationship with Joseph. What matters to me is what Jesus taught his disciples.
I do have issues with the "biblical" views of a woman's role in society and in the family. I was raised with strong views that a woman can be whatever she wants to be. Of course if you listen to "bible-based" churches, you are told a wife is a helpmate to the husband. I'm sure this works in many marriages. To many, our family looks like a bible-based household. Husband/Father goes to work in the morning, and wife/mother keeps house and takes care of the children. Of course what isn't seen is that the wife/mother also has a part-time job (16 piano and/or voice students) which pays for a variety of things; including vacations and money for gas that gets husband/father to work. The wife/mother is also the Superintendent of Sunday School, a teacher at church, and an active member in the book club, women's circle and Bible study groups.
So why do I want a rosary to recite the "Hail Mary"? Because I think as a meditation tool it would be fantastic. I would hope it would allow my heart and mind to be open to listen to God Almighty. Is that what all Catholics do? Or do they simply say the prayer and never really understand what they are stating? The early monks used it for meditation, but is this what what the prayer is intended for today? Or is it used to punish those that sinned - "Say 5 Our Father's and 3 Hail Mary's for your sins today, son."
I would hope that each word that passes my lips leaves with true grace and heartfelt understanding.
"Hail Mary, full of grave, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen."
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 89:15-17 (Hebrew)
Happy are the people who know the festal shout,
who walk, O Lord, in the light of your countenance;
they exult in your name all day long,
and extol your righteousness.
For you are the glory of their strength;
by your favor our horn is exalted.
Monday, September 14, 2009
pilgrimage - day #30
the grass is always greener...
Upon waking up today, I was immediately inundated by "stuff". When Jim and I weren't looking, Eva drank some Children's Ibuprofen and I had to force her to vomit. After that, we noticed most of what was in the bottle was under a towel she had used to cover her spill. Then Zoe had some asthma issues, so she had to take extra medicine this morning. Not to mention her medicine for the constipation, which she absolutely hates! sigh...
So I take Zoe to school, and after two very successful (i.e. no crying) days I left her sobbing wanting me to stay. It completely breaks my heart. I was there as a kid. I didn't want to be without my mom. However, I had mastered throwing up to stay home. I was a genius at it. I don't think Zoe is that kid. But I do find myself having great emotional stress just thinking about it. It's like I'm reliving my past through her. Not cool.
But is the grass always greener? I don't think so. I'm not sure if there is a perfect pasture waiting for me. It is not a case of arrogance, but more of a knowledge that we all have the patches of grass with dog pee; and some more than others.
In the reading for today, Mother Eve is referenced:
"God gave her everything. About only one thing did God say, 'Do not touch.' And Eve's eyes moved from all that she had to what she was missing. It is the human condition. Inner turmoil begins at the moment that I become blind to what I have and see only what I lack. Am I conditioned to believe that I need more to be content? It isn't bad to have more. It is bad when I cannot see what I do have."
I spent most of my adult life wondering what was next. I had gone to school and moved up the corporate ladder as each year passed. At the completion of each project, I found myself finding the new task at hand. When I purchased the music studio I really believed that was it - the cultivation of my education, skills, training, and desires. But I soon learned that my journey was to take a different path: Motherhood. After I had Zoe I was back on the "what's next" questioning. I registered to go back to get a Masters in Library Science from Wayne State. I had a scholarship and I was even choosing my career path. But something stopped me from going that route. It didn't feel right.
What was next was having Eva. After her birth, my anxieties became even worse. Was I going to teach piano and voice lessons from my house forever? Was there something else? Then I went on anxiety medicine and began my spiritual journey. What was I looking for? Peace and harmony - no longer the next project. My readings and research have kept my mind busy; I feel like I'm still learning and increasing my knowledge, but this time about myself and God. But I also make certain to keep my focus balanced. Because teaching music and being a mother IS a wonderful life path. Each time I try to deviate from the inevitable (i.e. teaching music), I always come back to it. If that isn't a sign, I don't really know what is.
Todays Scriptures
Psalm 121 (The Message)
a pilgrim song
I look up to the mountains;
does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.
He won't let you stumble,
Your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.
God's your Guardian,
right at your side to protect you -
Shielding your from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.
God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always.
Upon waking up today, I was immediately inundated by "stuff". When Jim and I weren't looking, Eva drank some Children's Ibuprofen and I had to force her to vomit. After that, we noticed most of what was in the bottle was under a towel she had used to cover her spill. Then Zoe had some asthma issues, so she had to take extra medicine this morning. Not to mention her medicine for the constipation, which she absolutely hates! sigh...
So I take Zoe to school, and after two very successful (i.e. no crying) days I left her sobbing wanting me to stay. It completely breaks my heart. I was there as a kid. I didn't want to be without my mom. However, I had mastered throwing up to stay home. I was a genius at it. I don't think Zoe is that kid. But I do find myself having great emotional stress just thinking about it. It's like I'm reliving my past through her. Not cool.
But is the grass always greener? I don't think so. I'm not sure if there is a perfect pasture waiting for me. It is not a case of arrogance, but more of a knowledge that we all have the patches of grass with dog pee; and some more than others.
In the reading for today, Mother Eve is referenced:
"God gave her everything. About only one thing did God say, 'Do not touch.' And Eve's eyes moved from all that she had to what she was missing. It is the human condition. Inner turmoil begins at the moment that I become blind to what I have and see only what I lack. Am I conditioned to believe that I need more to be content? It isn't bad to have more. It is bad when I cannot see what I do have."
I spent most of my adult life wondering what was next. I had gone to school and moved up the corporate ladder as each year passed. At the completion of each project, I found myself finding the new task at hand. When I purchased the music studio I really believed that was it - the cultivation of my education, skills, training, and desires. But I soon learned that my journey was to take a different path: Motherhood. After I had Zoe I was back on the "what's next" questioning. I registered to go back to get a Masters in Library Science from Wayne State. I had a scholarship and I was even choosing my career path. But something stopped me from going that route. It didn't feel right.
What was next was having Eva. After her birth, my anxieties became even worse. Was I going to teach piano and voice lessons from my house forever? Was there something else? Then I went on anxiety medicine and began my spiritual journey. What was I looking for? Peace and harmony - no longer the next project. My readings and research have kept my mind busy; I feel like I'm still learning and increasing my knowledge, but this time about myself and God. But I also make certain to keep my focus balanced. Because teaching music and being a mother IS a wonderful life path. Each time I try to deviate from the inevitable (i.e. teaching music), I always come back to it. If that isn't a sign, I don't really know what is.
Todays Scriptures
Psalm 121 (The Message)
a pilgrim song
I look up to the mountains;
does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.
He won't let you stumble,
Your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.
God's your Guardian,
right at your side to protect you -
Shielding your from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.
God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
pilgrimage - day #29
my thoughts on Mary Magdalene...
Growing up I always thought there were two Mary's in the Bible: the good Mary and the bad Mary. The good Mary was the Mother of Jesus, or as the Lutheran's said, "the Mother of God." The bad Mary was Mary Magdalene, the prostitute.
Upon reading Biblical passages on Mary Magdalene or Mary of Magdala, there is nothing that states she was a prostitute. The Bible not only makes mention of her name, but of her place of origin (Magdala). Obviously it was important to distinguish this Mary. In fact, she was a very devoted follower of Jesus. Mary was one of the women who viewed the empty tomb, and said, "Raboni," upon recognizing the resurrected Jesus. Many also regard her as the Apostle of the Apostles, due to the fact she was at there to see the empty tomb and the first to announce the resurrection.
So why then was I taught Mary Magdalene was a prostitute?
According to my research in Wikipedia, it states:
"Pope Gregory the Great made a speech in 591 A.D. where he seemed to combine the actions of three women mentioned in the New Testament and also identified an unnamed woman as Mary Magdalene. He stated that she was a prostitute. This erroneous view was not corrected until 1969 when the Vatican issued a quiet retraction."
Pope Gregory made a connection between the adulteress that was brought before Jesus and Mary Magdalene. I also wasn't surprised to view the various artwork that depicted Mary as a long red-haired woman, while other women had their dark hair tucked beneath headdresses.
So thanks to Pope Gregory, various artists, and a disregard to the "quiet retraction," I was taught a very skewed version of Mary Magdalene.
I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when I read the Bible and found discrepancies to my Christian education. The first "annoyance" was the short tale of Noah's Ark. I was certain the tale would be longer, as Noah was such a huge character in my Sunday School studies. I then was a bit perturbed with the story about Joseph and his "coat of any colors." The translation that we all love (i.e. the colorful coat) is actually a mistranslation of the Hebrew phrase "kethoneth pac" which in fact means "long-sleeved tunic." So it was an embroidered long-sleeved tunic, which would have been much different than the short-sleeved plain tunics of Joseph's brothers. Annoyances, like these, continued through the Old Testament of the Bible.
So, you can see that when I got to the New Testament and read about the differing Jesus stories in the Gospels, I was a bit miffed. And to read about Mary Magdalene, that she wasn't a prostitute, was such a happy surprise. In fact, we contemplated naming Eva - Magdalene. Her middle name, Margarite, is an homage to three people: our friend, Mary Margaret; my Great Grandma Marguerite Elizabeth; and Mary Magdalene.
I also read (and own) The Gospel According to Mary Magdalene. I really love that a woman wrote a special book, a Gospel no less, and find it sad that the Bible omitted Gnostic works like theses.
It is suggested by Elaine Pagels, the author of "The Gospel of Thomas" (which I read) and "The Gnostic Paul", that Mary Magdalene was the unidentified beloved disciple of Christ mentioned in the Gospel of John. Personally I don't subscribe to her view point. In John 19: 26 - 27, the Bible states, "When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, 'Dear woman, here is your son,' and to the disciple, 'Here is your mother.' And again in John 20:2, the Bible says, "So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one that Jesus loved..." Therefore, unless Mary Magdalene is a boy and has two bodies, I think Pagels is making references that aren't there.
So no, I don't think there is a BAD Mary. Just a very popular name that is attributed to more than one woman in the Bible. However, I love learning about "holes" in the Bible, as well as the truth behind the myths.
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 30: 8-12 (The Message)
I called out to you, God;
I laid my case before you:
"Can you sell me for a profit when I'm dead?
auction me off at a cemetery yard sale?
When I'm 'dust to dust' my songs
and stories of you won't sell.
So listen! and be kind!
Help me out of this!"
You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I'm about to burst with song;
I can't keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can't thank you enough.
Growing up I always thought there were two Mary's in the Bible: the good Mary and the bad Mary. The good Mary was the Mother of Jesus, or as the Lutheran's said, "the Mother of God." The bad Mary was Mary Magdalene, the prostitute.
Upon reading Biblical passages on Mary Magdalene or Mary of Magdala, there is nothing that states she was a prostitute. The Bible not only makes mention of her name, but of her place of origin (Magdala). Obviously it was important to distinguish this Mary. In fact, she was a very devoted follower of Jesus. Mary was one of the women who viewed the empty tomb, and said, "Raboni," upon recognizing the resurrected Jesus. Many also regard her as the Apostle of the Apostles, due to the fact she was at there to see the empty tomb and the first to announce the resurrection.
So why then was I taught Mary Magdalene was a prostitute?
According to my research in Wikipedia, it states:
"Pope Gregory the Great made a speech in 591 A.D. where he seemed to combine the actions of three women mentioned in the New Testament and also identified an unnamed woman as Mary Magdalene. He stated that she was a prostitute. This erroneous view was not corrected until 1969 when the Vatican issued a quiet retraction."
Pope Gregory made a connection between the adulteress that was brought before Jesus and Mary Magdalene. I also wasn't surprised to view the various artwork that depicted Mary as a long red-haired woman, while other women had their dark hair tucked beneath headdresses.
So thanks to Pope Gregory, various artists, and a disregard to the "quiet retraction," I was taught a very skewed version of Mary Magdalene.
I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when I read the Bible and found discrepancies to my Christian education. The first "annoyance" was the short tale of Noah's Ark. I was certain the tale would be longer, as Noah was such a huge character in my Sunday School studies. I then was a bit perturbed with the story about Joseph and his "coat of any colors." The translation that we all love (i.e. the colorful coat) is actually a mistranslation of the Hebrew phrase "kethoneth pac" which in fact means "long-sleeved tunic." So it was an embroidered long-sleeved tunic, which would have been much different than the short-sleeved plain tunics of Joseph's brothers. Annoyances, like these, continued through the Old Testament of the Bible.
So, you can see that when I got to the New Testament and read about the differing Jesus stories in the Gospels, I was a bit miffed. And to read about Mary Magdalene, that she wasn't a prostitute, was such a happy surprise. In fact, we contemplated naming Eva - Magdalene. Her middle name, Margarite, is an homage to three people: our friend, Mary Margaret; my Great Grandma Marguerite Elizabeth; and Mary Magdalene.
I also read (and own) The Gospel According to Mary Magdalene. I really love that a woman wrote a special book, a Gospel no less, and find it sad that the Bible omitted Gnostic works like theses.
It is suggested by Elaine Pagels, the author of "The Gospel of Thomas" (which I read) and "The Gnostic Paul", that Mary Magdalene was the unidentified beloved disciple of Christ mentioned in the Gospel of John. Personally I don't subscribe to her view point. In John 19: 26 - 27, the Bible states, "When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, 'Dear woman, here is your son,' and to the disciple, 'Here is your mother.' And again in John 20:2, the Bible says, "So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one that Jesus loved..." Therefore, unless Mary Magdalene is a boy and has two bodies, I think Pagels is making references that aren't there.
So no, I don't think there is a BAD Mary. Just a very popular name that is attributed to more than one woman in the Bible. However, I love learning about "holes" in the Bible, as well as the truth behind the myths.
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 30: 8-12 (The Message)
I called out to you, God;
I laid my case before you:
"Can you sell me for a profit when I'm dead?
auction me off at a cemetery yard sale?
When I'm 'dust to dust' my songs
and stories of you won't sell.
So listen! and be kind!
Help me out of this!"
You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I'm about to burst with song;
I can't keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can't thank you enough.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
pilgrimage - day #28
empty my soul to make room for grace...
The theological definition of grace:
a. the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.
b. the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthn them.
c. a virtue or excellence of divine origin: The Christian graces.
d. Also called state of grace - the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.
My soul has experienced a very emotional week. Jim has been working late, Zoe started preschool, and Zoe has been experiencing constipation issues. All of these rolled together and sprinkled with a bit of financial strain, religious questions, and daily life has been my last week in a nutshell. I know that my soul can become overwhelmed at times, and I'd like to empty it and ask grace to take the emptiness. Filling my soul with God's grace is a new concept for me, so this might require a bit of practice.
This journey is not about regaining my "youth" like the author of "Pilgrimage." My journey is about self-discovery. Discovering that I need to invite His grace to replace the stress is something I have discovered. My Zoe, the "delivered" can maybe point me in that direction. She has such a strong love of God; and it is through her that I find my humblest moments with Him. Turning my "mourning into dancing."
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 30:8-12 (Hebrew)
To you, O Lord, I cried,
and to the Lord I made supplication:
"What prifit is there in my death,
if I go down to the Pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it tell of your faithfulness?
Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me!
O Lord, be my helper!"
You have turned my mourning into dancing;
you have taken off my sackcloth
and clothed me with joy,
so that my soul may praise you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever.
The theological definition of grace:
a. the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.
b. the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthn them.
c. a virtue or excellence of divine origin: The Christian graces.
d. Also called state of grace - the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.
My soul has experienced a very emotional week. Jim has been working late, Zoe started preschool, and Zoe has been experiencing constipation issues. All of these rolled together and sprinkled with a bit of financial strain, religious questions, and daily life has been my last week in a nutshell. I know that my soul can become overwhelmed at times, and I'd like to empty it and ask grace to take the emptiness. Filling my soul with God's grace is a new concept for me, so this might require a bit of practice.
This journey is not about regaining my "youth" like the author of "Pilgrimage." My journey is about self-discovery. Discovering that I need to invite His grace to replace the stress is something I have discovered. My Zoe, the "delivered" can maybe point me in that direction. She has such a strong love of God; and it is through her that I find my humblest moments with Him. Turning my "mourning into dancing."
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 30:8-12 (Hebrew)
To you, O Lord, I cried,
and to the Lord I made supplication:
"What prifit is there in my death,
if I go down to the Pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it tell of your faithfulness?
Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me!
O Lord, be my helper!"
You have turned my mourning into dancing;
you have taken off my sackcloth
and clothed me with joy,
so that my soul may praise you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever.
Friday, September 11, 2009
pilgrimage - day #27
happiness not dependent upon rigid conceptions...
I think most of us place our happiness upon the way it's "supposed to be." I know I often do. I find myself worrying about things far into the future, and most often things I have completely NO control over.
Zoe has been suffering from constipation since last Thursday. Her morning bowel movement was a bit painful and thus she decided to not go again. By Sunday it was apparent I had to give her an enema. Things appeared to clean themselves out. Then she didn't go again until Tuesday. But it was at her own accord (i.e. no encouragement from me). She was super excited about this. Then nothing Wednesday, and yesterday was a rough day. She is holding it again, and soiled her panties twice.
I will be calling the doctors this morning and making an appointment for this afternoon. I want her to go to school, as she isn't physically showing signs of discomfort. I do think starting school is creating anxieties that are causing the constipation. It just breaks my heart to see her like this. But I'm doing the best I can.
I don't really know what life is "supposed" to be like. I do find myself thanking God Almighty for only having to worry about constipation in Zoe, rather than a much greater issue. Of course I'm still praying to Him to help her through this morning without me...and to help me relax and let His will be done.
Today's Scripture
Pslams 119: 169-170 (Hebrew Bible)
Let my cry come before you, O Lord;
give me understanding according to your word.
Let my supplication come before you;
deliver me according to your promise.
deliver...maybe that's about the "delivered" Zoe. I'll think about that.
I think most of us place our happiness upon the way it's "supposed to be." I know I often do. I find myself worrying about things far into the future, and most often things I have completely NO control over.
Zoe has been suffering from constipation since last Thursday. Her morning bowel movement was a bit painful and thus she decided to not go again. By Sunday it was apparent I had to give her an enema. Things appeared to clean themselves out. Then she didn't go again until Tuesday. But it was at her own accord (i.e. no encouragement from me). She was super excited about this. Then nothing Wednesday, and yesterday was a rough day. She is holding it again, and soiled her panties twice.
I will be calling the doctors this morning and making an appointment for this afternoon. I want her to go to school, as she isn't physically showing signs of discomfort. I do think starting school is creating anxieties that are causing the constipation. It just breaks my heart to see her like this. But I'm doing the best I can.
I don't really know what life is "supposed" to be like. I do find myself thanking God Almighty for only having to worry about constipation in Zoe, rather than a much greater issue. Of course I'm still praying to Him to help her through this morning without me...and to help me relax and let His will be done.
Today's Scripture
Pslams 119: 169-170 (Hebrew Bible)
Let my cry come before you, O Lord;
give me understanding according to your word.
Let my supplication come before you;
deliver me according to your promise.
deliver...maybe that's about the "delivered" Zoe. I'll think about that.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
pilgrimage - day #26
he whispers reassuringly to me...
Yesterday proved to exceed my expectations. It was Zoe's first day of preschool. My worry and concern was a recent one, as Zoe was so good about new experiences. However, at the end of May, Jim and I went on a date night. We had a babysitter for the girls (first time without family). I misjudged how Zoe would react. I thought for sure Eva would freak at bedtime, but I was wrong; it was Zoe that threw a fit. After that it was really difficult to leave her anywhere. Church, dance classes, even home with Jim was an issue.
I had signed her up for a vacation Bible camp at her preschool. I had no idea she would react so negatively. It was really heartbreaking how clingy she was. She sobbed when I left her, and it was very difficult to make it through the week. I made her complete the camp, because I wanted her to feel empowered. It never happened.
And most of the summer it has continued in the same vein. She has cried when I leave, clung to me to stay, and not wanted to go to her dance classes nor to preschool.
So I figured yesterday would be a disaster. But surprisingly it wasn't. She was all smiles on her way there. She even let me take a picture of her playing with the classroom's doll house. It is priceless. I stuck around the school for an hour or so; peering into the classroom, once in awhile, to see how she was acting. When the kids went to recess (around 10am) I left. She didn't see me go. I had told her I would stay at the school. I came back at 11:30 and joined the kids for a "bear hunt." Her teacher said there were a few "moments," but overall she did good. I was so proud of her. She completely blew my expectations away!
I find myself creating daily expectations - negative or positive - and many times the expectations are not met. I used to focus on the results that were different than those expected, but lately I have been allowing God Almighty to carry me where I need to go. Having a different result than planned is what used to throw me in high-gear anxiety hell. My hope is to hear and truly listen to the reassuring whispers from God Almighty; because I want peace and harmony; for this is Life.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 128:1 (The Message)
All you who fear God, how blessed you are!
how happily you walk on his smooth straight road!
Yesterday proved to exceed my expectations. It was Zoe's first day of preschool. My worry and concern was a recent one, as Zoe was so good about new experiences. However, at the end of May, Jim and I went on a date night. We had a babysitter for the girls (first time without family). I misjudged how Zoe would react. I thought for sure Eva would freak at bedtime, but I was wrong; it was Zoe that threw a fit. After that it was really difficult to leave her anywhere. Church, dance classes, even home with Jim was an issue.
I had signed her up for a vacation Bible camp at her preschool. I had no idea she would react so negatively. It was really heartbreaking how clingy she was. She sobbed when I left her, and it was very difficult to make it through the week. I made her complete the camp, because I wanted her to feel empowered. It never happened.
And most of the summer it has continued in the same vein. She has cried when I leave, clung to me to stay, and not wanted to go to her dance classes nor to preschool.
So I figured yesterday would be a disaster. But surprisingly it wasn't. She was all smiles on her way there. She even let me take a picture of her playing with the classroom's doll house. It is priceless. I stuck around the school for an hour or so; peering into the classroom, once in awhile, to see how she was acting. When the kids went to recess (around 10am) I left. She didn't see me go. I had told her I would stay at the school. I came back at 11:30 and joined the kids for a "bear hunt." Her teacher said there were a few "moments," but overall she did good. I was so proud of her. She completely blew my expectations away!
I find myself creating daily expectations - negative or positive - and many times the expectations are not met. I used to focus on the results that were different than those expected, but lately I have been allowing God Almighty to carry me where I need to go. Having a different result than planned is what used to throw me in high-gear anxiety hell. My hope is to hear and truly listen to the reassuring whispers from God Almighty; because I want peace and harmony; for this is Life.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 128:1 (The Message)
All you who fear God, how blessed you are!
how happily you walk on his smooth straight road!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
pilgrimage - day #25
"Closely observe, with regard either to myself or to others in whom you seek sincere practice of virture, who they are that help you to improve, and consider what their life is. For there are all too few on earth today in whom you can find true fidelity; for almost all people now want from God and men what pleases them and what they desire or lack." - Hadewijch
Last night Jim and I went to a preschool meeting at Zoe's new school. The teacher introduced us to the classroom. Hanging from the ceiling were crayons with the children's names and meanings on them. Zoe's wasn't Life, like I had thought it would be. It was Deliverer. I'm not actually certain where the teacher found this from, maybe I should ask today when I see her. The teacher also said that the children (without direction from anyone) become their names (i.e. deliverer).
Not real certain what Zoe will deliver, but I must say she is turly my hero. Her anxieties and apprehensions were mine; are mine; but yet I know she'll succeed much easier than I.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 122:1-2 (Hebrew Text)
I was glad when they said to me,
"Let us go to the house of the Lord!"
Our feet are standing
within your gates, O Jerusalem.
Last night Jim and I went to a preschool meeting at Zoe's new school. The teacher introduced us to the classroom. Hanging from the ceiling were crayons with the children's names and meanings on them. Zoe's wasn't Life, like I had thought it would be. It was Deliverer. I'm not actually certain where the teacher found this from, maybe I should ask today when I see her. The teacher also said that the children (without direction from anyone) become their names (i.e. deliverer).
Not real certain what Zoe will deliver, but I must say she is turly my hero. Her anxieties and apprehensions were mine; are mine; but yet I know she'll succeed much easier than I.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 122:1-2 (Hebrew Text)
I was glad when they said to me,
"Let us go to the house of the Lord!"
Our feet are standing
within your gates, O Jerusalem.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
pilgrimage - day #24
"My mind reminds me that nothing can separate me from God's love, but my heart still seeks assurance."
The statement above rings true to me: the logical and illogical parts of the brain working against each other in the quest to find truth. On one hand it is easy to state: God is Love; but truly believing that is another thing completely.
Years ago I wrote a song, "The Story of my Life." It was to be the end of Act 1 in my musical about Little House on the Prairie*.
There's a part of me that wants security,
Conforms to society, obeying the man.
And there's a part of me that longs for freedom,
A place to grow, and maybe I can.
There's to parts to every story,
Faith and Glory, maybe more.
For my heart needs time for decisions,
To make provisions, not before
I allow these two parts in my heart to unite,
And become the Story of my Life.
A girls dreams are fed by reading fairy tales,
Believing in fantasies, a wish on a star.
But her dreams are crushed, when reality
clouds her veiw, dstroying her fame.
There's to parts to every story,
Faith and Glory, maybe more.
For my heart needs time for decisions,
To make provisions, not before
I allow these two parts in my heart to unite,
And become the Story of my Life.
And I know that my life isn't all up for me to decide,
But the chance for me to be free.
I must try to be one, who will conquer the raging sun,
And I pray, Oh Lord guild me, guide me
There's a part of me that wants security,
But society I'll leave to the man.
Because that part of me that wants freedom,
I'll let it shine, I'll let it grow.
There's to parts to every story,
Faith and Glory, maybe more.
For my heart needs time for decisions,
To make provisions, not before
I allow these two parts in my heart to unite,
And become the Story of my Life...
And become the Story of my Life...
And become the Story of my Life!
*For those that do not know, I was denied the rights by the holder, and even though I could still perform the music the true meaning was gone for me. It also didn't help that the guy I was "into" back then made fun of "Mary's Lament." Interestingly enough, there is a musical called, "Little House on the Prairie the Musical." It's coming to the Fox Theater with Melissa Gilbert (Laura) playing Ma. I'm seriously considering going to see WHO got the rights. Of course, in retrospect, who was I to think at 20 I would be seriously considered to write a musical based an iconic series of books. Ah, youth!
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 139:17-24
Your thoughts - how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them -
and more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers - out of here! -
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong -
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
The statement above rings true to me: the logical and illogical parts of the brain working against each other in the quest to find truth. On one hand it is easy to state: God is Love; but truly believing that is another thing completely.
Years ago I wrote a song, "The Story of my Life." It was to be the end of Act 1 in my musical about Little House on the Prairie*.
There's a part of me that wants security,
Conforms to society, obeying the man.
And there's a part of me that longs for freedom,
A place to grow, and maybe I can.
There's to parts to every story,
Faith and Glory, maybe more.
For my heart needs time for decisions,
To make provisions, not before
I allow these two parts in my heart to unite,
And become the Story of my Life.
A girls dreams are fed by reading fairy tales,
Believing in fantasies, a wish on a star.
But her dreams are crushed, when reality
clouds her veiw, dstroying her fame.
There's to parts to every story,
Faith and Glory, maybe more.
For my heart needs time for decisions,
To make provisions, not before
I allow these two parts in my heart to unite,
And become the Story of my Life.
And I know that my life isn't all up for me to decide,
But the chance for me to be free.
I must try to be one, who will conquer the raging sun,
And I pray, Oh Lord guild me, guide me
There's a part of me that wants security,
But society I'll leave to the man.
Because that part of me that wants freedom,
I'll let it shine, I'll let it grow.
There's to parts to every story,
Faith and Glory, maybe more.
For my heart needs time for decisions,
To make provisions, not before
I allow these two parts in my heart to unite,
And become the Story of my Life...
And become the Story of my Life...
And become the Story of my Life!
*For those that do not know, I was denied the rights by the holder, and even though I could still perform the music the true meaning was gone for me. It also didn't help that the guy I was "into" back then made fun of "Mary's Lament." Interestingly enough, there is a musical called, "Little House on the Prairie the Musical." It's coming to the Fox Theater with Melissa Gilbert (Laura) playing Ma. I'm seriously considering going to see WHO got the rights. Of course, in retrospect, who was I to think at 20 I would be seriously considered to write a musical based an iconic series of books. Ah, youth!
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 139:17-24
Your thoughts - how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them -
and more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers - out of here! -
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong -
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
Monday, September 7, 2009
pilgrimage - day #23
daily devotions
I suppose that at this point (day #23) I am far enough in this pilgrimage to stop (or turn around). A 40-day daily devotional really isn't that long to spend focused on God. In fact, I plan on continuing the daily readings long after this pilgrimage is over. I was telling my friend, Amanda, that I know why the "Pilgrimage" book was on sale for under $4. I find myself unable to like the author, Patricia D. Brown. Ms. Brown attempts to appear modest and humble in her journey; but I find myself annoyed with her daily emphasis on her devotions, abilities and progress on this journey.
I understand that journeys can be any length of time. Ms. Brown has set 40 days to complete hers. In the preface she writes that she already took her first "literal" pilgrimage to France during the 50 days between Easter and Pentacost. In "Pilgrimage", she travels back to France for the physical part of the journey. There are 3 parts to the book: Preparing for the Pilgrimage, Pilgrim on the Way, and Home is the Journey. The actual "departure" from home is only a short time in her journey. Obviously it is very difficult to leave one's home for longer than a couple weeks. I decided to have my pilgrimage at home. However, location isn't the problem; I find it hard to connect with her on a spiritual level. Yes, there have been moments in this journey that I've appreciated the questions Ms. Brown has provoked, but more than often I find her to be rather annoying in her quest to find a blessing. A blessing was her motivation for the pilgrimage. I feel that even with Ms. Brown's thought provoking ideas, she come across as arrogant and belittling to her reader. Of course for under $4, what could one expect?!
Each day the reader is given a devotional and questions to evoke deep thought. Usually I am compelled to respond to her questions, sometimes I'm inspired by a daily occurrence, but today neither prove interesting. So I will continue thoughts on another devotion.
I am very interested in taking a pilgrimage to a labyrinth some day. I was very fascinated with what I learned about their origins and the true harmony of walking inward and, thus, walking outward and toward a more focused and deep communion with God. I don't believe traveling to a different location would have the same affect on me spiritually. I wouldn't care if the labyrinth was in England or in France or another European county. I would just like to walk in the footsteps of those that came thousands of years before me.
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 24:3-6 (The Message)
Who can climb Mount God?
Who can scale the holy north-face?
Only the clean-handed,
only the pure-hearted;
Men who won't cheat,
women who won't seduce.
God is at their side;
with God's help they make it.
This, Jacob, is what happens
to God-seekers, God-questers.
I suppose that at this point (day #23) I am far enough in this pilgrimage to stop (or turn around). A 40-day daily devotional really isn't that long to spend focused on God. In fact, I plan on continuing the daily readings long after this pilgrimage is over. I was telling my friend, Amanda, that I know why the "Pilgrimage" book was on sale for under $4. I find myself unable to like the author, Patricia D. Brown. Ms. Brown attempts to appear modest and humble in her journey; but I find myself annoyed with her daily emphasis on her devotions, abilities and progress on this journey.
I understand that journeys can be any length of time. Ms. Brown has set 40 days to complete hers. In the preface she writes that she already took her first "literal" pilgrimage to France during the 50 days between Easter and Pentacost. In "Pilgrimage", she travels back to France for the physical part of the journey. There are 3 parts to the book: Preparing for the Pilgrimage, Pilgrim on the Way, and Home is the Journey. The actual "departure" from home is only a short time in her journey. Obviously it is very difficult to leave one's home for longer than a couple weeks. I decided to have my pilgrimage at home. However, location isn't the problem; I find it hard to connect with her on a spiritual level. Yes, there have been moments in this journey that I've appreciated the questions Ms. Brown has provoked, but more than often I find her to be rather annoying in her quest to find a blessing. A blessing was her motivation for the pilgrimage. I feel that even with Ms. Brown's thought provoking ideas, she come across as arrogant and belittling to her reader. Of course for under $4, what could one expect?!
Each day the reader is given a devotional and questions to evoke deep thought. Usually I am compelled to respond to her questions, sometimes I'm inspired by a daily occurrence, but today neither prove interesting. So I will continue thoughts on another devotion.
I am very interested in taking a pilgrimage to a labyrinth some day. I was very fascinated with what I learned about their origins and the true harmony of walking inward and, thus, walking outward and toward a more focused and deep communion with God. I don't believe traveling to a different location would have the same affect on me spiritually. I wouldn't care if the labyrinth was in England or in France or another European county. I would just like to walk in the footsteps of those that came thousands of years before me.
Today's Scriptures
Psalms 24:3-6 (The Message)
Who can climb Mount God?
Who can scale the holy north-face?
Only the clean-handed,
only the pure-hearted;
Men who won't cheat,
women who won't seduce.
God is at their side;
with God's help they make it.
This, Jacob, is what happens
to God-seekers, God-questers.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
pilgrimage - day #22
Why have I set out on a pilgrimage?
This is the question the author of "Pilgrimage" posts to ponder today. Maybe it's because at day #22 the reader may have changed their journey's purpose, but I find it to be a rather odd question at this point in the process.
As mentioned before, I'm on a pilgrimage to become closer to God; to strengthen my personal relationship with him. This has been my intent since inviting Bonnie into my home many weeks ago. I'm not hoping to reach a special location (like the author), nor am I on this journey for a global reason (like the Peace Pilgrim described by the author). I suppose one could say I'm on this journey for selfish reasons, as described above. However, I wanted to take a spiritual journey for more than myself: for my children and their spiritual future.
During her pilgrimage, the author meets another pilgrim walking the ancient route to Santiago, Spain. He is walking; she is riding in a car. At this point the author feels like an impostor when calling herself a pilgrim; and she wishes she was also walking the ancient route with this true pilgrim. After sharing her emotions with the pilgrim, he replies, "...pilgrimage is not about how one gets there. It's about an attitude of openness to the Spirit. Pilgrimage is what happens when one waits - with open heart and mind - for God."
Ah, back to that unforgiving virtue: Patience. Such a hard concept to employ, but one we all should invite into our lives. It seems that everyone is looking for "something" to happen - their own HUGE epiphany of sorts - and no one has the time to wait for it to happen. As the "true pilgrim" suggests, it's in the waiting when the pilgrimage occurs. Definitely something to ponder today and the remainder of the pilgrimage journey.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 61:1-4 (NIV)
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
This is the question the author of "Pilgrimage" posts to ponder today. Maybe it's because at day #22 the reader may have changed their journey's purpose, but I find it to be a rather odd question at this point in the process.
As mentioned before, I'm on a pilgrimage to become closer to God; to strengthen my personal relationship with him. This has been my intent since inviting Bonnie into my home many weeks ago. I'm not hoping to reach a special location (like the author), nor am I on this journey for a global reason (like the Peace Pilgrim described by the author). I suppose one could say I'm on this journey for selfish reasons, as described above. However, I wanted to take a spiritual journey for more than myself: for my children and their spiritual future.
During her pilgrimage, the author meets another pilgrim walking the ancient route to Santiago, Spain. He is walking; she is riding in a car. At this point the author feels like an impostor when calling herself a pilgrim; and she wishes she was also walking the ancient route with this true pilgrim. After sharing her emotions with the pilgrim, he replies, "...pilgrimage is not about how one gets there. It's about an attitude of openness to the Spirit. Pilgrimage is what happens when one waits - with open heart and mind - for God."
Ah, back to that unforgiving virtue: Patience. Such a hard concept to employ, but one we all should invite into our lives. It seems that everyone is looking for "something" to happen - their own HUGE epiphany of sorts - and no one has the time to wait for it to happen. As the "true pilgrim" suggests, it's in the waiting when the pilgrimage occurs. Definitely something to ponder today and the remainder of the pilgrimage journey.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 61:1-4 (NIV)
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Pilgrimage Quote
Here is a hopeful thought from the author of "Pilgimage," Patricia D. Brown:
"May I slow my pace and allow my heart to catch up with my body so that a new song might grow in my heart."
I hope to incorporate this thought into my life.
"May I slow my pace and allow my heart to catch up with my body so that a new song might grow in my heart."
I hope to incorporate this thought into my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)