Day #12 {31 Days to Clean}

Day #12 - The Thing We All Have in Common - Imperfection

"Faith is much better than belief.  Belief is when someone else does the thinking." 

~R. Buckminster Fuller

Today is my daughter's 4th Birthday.  Little Evie turned 4!

When I think back, my imperfections as a mother came after giving birth to her.  Evie didn't require more out of me than a normal infant, but little Zoe took full advantage of Mommy having to nurse and spend time with the newborn.  Toys were everywhere, dishes were not getting washed, and life was a whirlwind of diapers, diapers and more diapers.

I was also going through a really bad season of anxiety.  It became a circle of triggers: mess created anxiety, which created me making more messes, which fed into my anxiety.  You can see where this is going.  In fall 2008 I was treated for anxiety.  These meds helped contribute to my 100 pound weight gain, but are essential for my chemical (and inherited) problems.

Is there anyone who is perfect?  Maybe I wouldn't be perfect, but I could certainly strive to run my household like a business (which is probably what lots of ex-business owners with a BA in Management do when they aren't working outside the home).

My sister and I are a little over 19 months apart, and we grew up very close.  I had hoped that having two girls two years apart (Zoe and Evie are 2 years/2 months apart) I was doing a smart thing.  But Zoe reverted out of big girl panties, and thus I had two babies in diapers.  In fact, Zoe did not return to big girl panties until she was 3.  Pretty much an entire year after Evie was born.  Zoe also began suffering from asthma, and thus ended up in the ER when Evie was 1.  This was a lot for me.  But I kept moving and life continued...the idea of perfection became farther from my grasp. 

So have the last four years gone by quickly?  Of course! But my mother has always been Super Mom.  She seemed to do it all right (pretty much), so I followed in her footsteps with when we would have baby number two.  Sarah Mae gives us a very poignant Mary challenge today.  To paraphrase - are you comparing yourself to another mom?  Do you believe she is perfect?

The thing is: I know my mother isn't perfect.  My Core Lie regarding my body image is a direct result of my upbringing.  However, when I was Zoe's age my mother was the perfect mom.  She made us dinners every night, baked cookies, played with us, and listened to all my crazy dreams and friend issues.  I am not so sure that I am that for Zoe.  But I'd like to think she'll look back on her childhood with the same fondness as I.

After my crazy attempts at cleaning the house yesterday, I have decided to take it slow today.  I spent the entire day with my girls, celebrating Evie's Birthday.  I was lucky enough to have a babysitter come by at 3pm so that I could get a much needed break from the week.  However, I did finish the Martha challenge earlier today: clean and organize shelves and electronics and shine wood furniture.  I also purged and reorganized the linen closet (which is located in the upstairs hallway) - and surprise!  I found beautiful place-mats for Jim and I!  How cool is that?!

The next couple of days I am rearranging the 31 day schedule to fit my needs and desires.  I have a house full of people coming over on Sunday for Evie's Birthday cake and ice cream Rapunzel bash.  So even though I won't be doing the exact 31 day schedule, I will continue to blog about my progress.

Day #11 {31 Days to Clean}

Day #11 - Limitations (Life is Hard)

Oh, brother!  Did I choose too many things to accomplish today!  Phew!

I completed what I set out to do...but boy did I get thrown a few curve balls.

Everything started off "normal" this morning.  I washed the walls in the living room, up the stairs, and the entire hallway upstairs.  Here are two before and afters:

 Wall before - hand markings

 Crayon markings below light switch

 after  - hand prints gone and no crayon!

Then I decided to start in the back room area.  This is a storage area under our front porch.  The other area fell under pantry/fruit cellar from last week.  So here is a before:

As you can see the wardrobe is completely falling apart.  So I decided to purchase a new one.  Of course the new one didn't come with instructions.  Yeah, pretty sad Target.  So after all was said and done, here is the after:

I also decided it was high time to clean out the coat closet, which resides in our living room.  I thought it wouldn't take a lot of time.  I was wrong.

 Before - Fisher Price Little People toys just crammed in

After - with the addition of a shelf

Of course it helped that I was already going to Target to get a new wardrobe.  So I purchased a little shelving system that allowed me to nicely shelve the toys.  Now the girls can see what toys they have.  I originally thought that at 6 and 4 my ladies would be done with the Fisher Price Little People, but after many tears this morning, I agreed they could keep the stash.

I really, REALLY, REEEAAALLLY liked the topic for today: Limitations.  Before children I would have no problem cleaning my house from top to bottom, going to the grocery store, and catching up on laundry and other needs of the home all in ONE DAY.  Now, I am lucky to get one room cleaned before someone needs to be picked up from school, or before the day is done.

It is a blessing to know that other women struggle with their roles as homemakers.  We want to be the perfect homemaker.  But unlike an office job, our roles aren't easily defined.  Each day is a different animal.  We are NEVER given the same reaction to a meal twice.  It is the hardest job I have EVER done.  My mom made it seem so easy!

When I was a little girl, I was messy.  My mom gave me the book Mr. Messy and I just loved it!  The other day Google celebrated the author, Roger Hargreaves.  I thought it would be appropriate to show a picture of who my mom thought I was:

 

Day #13 {31 Days to Clean}

Day #13 - Fighting Fatigue

Before I post today, I just want to share my complete frustration!  I am missing blog posts from Day #11 (Wednesday) and Day #12 (Thursday).  I spent a lot of time on my blog post yesterday afternoon, and now it appears that BLOGGER lost it. Here is a lovely little answer from one of the BLOGGER team:

We are very sorry that users are unable to publish to Blogger right now. We have rolled back the maintenance release from last night and as a result, posts and comments from all users made after 7:37 am PDT on May 11, 2011 have been removed. Again, we apologize that this happened and our engineers are working hard to return Blogger to normal and restore your posts and comments. We will post a report once this work is complete.

-The Blogger Team

If they do not find the posts made from the last two days, you will have missed pictures of my huge Wednesday purge/organization.  There was also a lengthy blog from yesterday.  I don't save my blog posts in another location, because I never thought I would have to.  This really makes me sad, and frustrated.  I will now step off my soapbox and take a deep breath.

Of course, on the bright side: I am again reminded how little I have control over.  This is one of the lessons I will continue to learn each and every day.  

I am reluctant to increase the size of my post today, but I will report (in case this post is seen by others) that I was able to complete my revised Martha schedule challenges today.  As stated in yesterday's blog - I have a houseful of people coming over on Sunday for Evie's Birthday party.  So I decided to start the bedroom stuff today.  I also have decided to get our carpets professionally cleaned at the end of the month - all in one day - so today's scheduled activity from Sarah Mae is postponed until later.

I will be spending time with my kiddos and their teachers and classmates this afternoon.  Zoe is walking in her school's Walk-A-Thon from 2pm - 4pm.  One of the issues with a private school is that there is never enough money to do everything necessary.  I was very excited to hear we were getting all the kids involved with this activity!  All monies raised will be put to the purchase of new playground equipment.  I am very proud of all the students that are participating, and I look forward to helping the great cause.

One last note for today - 

I fight fatigue with coffee, lots of it.  Probably not the healthiest choice, but it works for me.  I occasionally (only occasionally) get a nap with Evie in the afternoon while Zoe is still at school.  These don't come often enough, but relaxing like that can really give me perspective for the rest of the busy day.

{Tagged to Joyful Mothering Homemakers Challenge}

Day #10 {31 Days to Clean}

Day # 10 - Feeling Overwhelmed

Today Sarah Mae gives ideas on how to not stress about the mess.  The truth is: I am not stressing.  Now, I am aching a bit - arms are sore from washing walls and floors.  But truthfully, I am seeing progress and I really REALLY like what I see.

I spent the morning with a very dear friend...it was very grounding.  Our kids played so well together that I had a few moments of bliss.  I also was able to do the daily Martha challenge, as well as purchase items I needed to restock the pantry.  It was a very productive spring cleaning day.

I have found that my girls are very interested in knowing what the next "challenge" is going to be.  This (without sounding silly) actually motivates me to continue the process.  Zoe tries to be helpful, and both love anything to do with a bucket of water.  Did I mention that the entire contents of the bucket ended up on our floor yesterday?  Yeah...and it went through the floor into the basement and we thought the water ruined the printer.  By the grace of God, our printer works this evening.  I cannot tell you the complete joy I feel that we don't have to pay for another "broken" problem at this house.  Three of the four of us had surgery this year...and this old home seems to need extra TLC this year too!

Tomorrow is a "no obligations" day.  This means that I only have my house with which to concern myself.  I plan on tackling the walls in the living room, cleaning out the coat closet, and organizing a back room that has taken on a life of its own.  I will (hopefully) take a few before and after picks of the spaces.  :)

Day #9 {31 Days to Clean}

Day # 9 - Confronting Laziness

I have been called many names, but lazy has never been one of them.  There was a point, when I was small, that my mom was tired of my shoes not being put away in the closet.  She set up a behavior chart, and in a small time I was putting my shoes away.  I think I can recall a few times when my mom might have said, "you are acting lazy," but I don't think that laziness is my problem.  Oh...and I remember this one time when I was in Kindergarten that my mom made me a daisy costume for the clean up parade at school.  My sign said, "Don't be Lazy, Plant a Daisy!"

What is my problem with cleaning?  My problem is that I take on WAY TOO MUCH stuff and then find myself struggling to complete any one task to its best.

I found it interesting that today's Martha challenge was about cleaning the floors in the Kitchen, because we never washed walls.  Yes, washing walls appears in the Martha challenges for all the other spaces...just not for the Kitchen.  So since I added Dinning Room to the Kitchen tasks, I washed walls and floors in both spaces today.  Ugh.  Not the most fun Martha task.

I am pretty excited about my morning tomorrow - I am visiting a very dear friend for a play date.

I mentioned that I have been helping out with Zoe's Kindergarten class the last two weeks.  Here is the blog post if you are interesting in reading: the life and times...

Day #8 {31 Days to Clean}

Day #8 - Overcoming the Curse

Happy Mother's Day!

As mentioned in Day #7, I am not participating in a Martha (cleaning) challenge today.  However, I am doing the Mary challenge.

Earlier today I visited my adopted mom, Pat.  I call her this because she has (in so many words) adopted me as her daughter.  Anyway, we were discussing our upcoming book club book: Jane Eyre.  At some point the conversation deviated to me asking her if she believes that sometimes we have to go through hell to really change how we act.  I really believe that we are put on trial at times to really come out a different (changed for the better) person.

Today's Mary challenge asks us to remember a time that God refined my character through difficult circumstances.  I would like to share a very personal story.

I have heard people call it "taking the relationship for granted," but I'm not entirely certain that's what happened to us.  I really believe Jim and I became complacent, and I had two small children at home to whom I was trying to be Super Mom. 


Last Spring, I reconnected with a friend from high school.  He was the best man in my first wedding.  When we reconnected I mainly spent time listening to his current divorce proceedings, his desire for a relationship with a married woman (I'll get to this later), and raising his daughter as a single parent.


Then in June we ran into each other in Meijer.  I had a sick daughter at home, and he was getting food for his Wednesday night visitation with his daughter.  We decided to hang out sometime soon.  Hanging out that one evening, became hanging out at the park with the kids the following afternoon.  And then we hung out quite often as parents after that (mostly play dates and hanging with Jim).  

I am in no way suggesting we were having a physical affair, because when we hung out the kids were always with us.  We also hung out at my home in the evenings and watched TV or listened to music with Jim.  None of this seemed to concern me.  I was hanging with a friend.  But I was also sharing stuff from my life with him.  Unbeknownst to me, Jim was very concerned about the friendship.  However, I thought Jim didn't care that we were friends.


I asked said friend for parenting advice, as I was having a few issues with Zoe not respecting me.  I also learned about his love for a high school sweetheart.  He assured me his marriage did not end because of her, but that they were having a physical relationship.  Apparently this "affair" was only temporary.  She was going to leave her husband.  And for a time, I felt sorry for him.  This "lover" of his (he confided) was in an abusive relationship and not only that, but she was carrying his child.  Yes, folks, his lover was carrying his "lust" child.


As summer turned into fall, I was more concerned about him then my husband.  I admit, in retrospect this is an emotional affair, but at the time I was unhappy at home....


I had gained 100 pounds in 2 years, and the truth was: I felt ugly and undesirable.  But this friend, he made me feel important.  He wanted my opinion.  He listened.  And in retrospect, the more energy you give to something the less you have for something else (i.e. my marriage that was falling apart). 


I never thought what I was doing was questionable or one of concern.  This man was my friend, he had befriended my husband, he was nice to my girls....


On October 23rd, a group of us went to a very huge, very public, costume party.  It was at this party that this friend I speak of decided to take our friendship to another level.  People saw the distress, and at that point I had to make a decision.  


On November 6th I made the awkward and painful decision to end my friendship with my friend.  I made the most important decision of my marriage: to stay true to my vows and do whatever it took to make the marriage work.


After much prayer, God helped me through the hell I was living and gave me the strength to continue.  


I owe my marriage to Him.  And for that I am truly thankful.

Day #7 {31 Days to Clean}

Day #7 - The Curse (What We're Up Against)

The end of week one, and I am completely, unequivocally exhausted.  The daily Martha and Mary challenges have been truly physically, mentally, and emotionally difficult.  But I feel proud that I have completed the first week.

One of the interesting Mary elements of yesterday was a statement made by Sarah Mae:

"Because of Adam's sin (he is ultimately accountable for the fall, not Eve, because he was given responsibility for life and work in the garden before woman was created) our domains rebel against us as we have rebelled against God."

In all my years of Bible study, I have never heard (or read) the view that Adam, not Eve, was ultimately responsible for the fall.

Today is Mother's Day, so on Friday I did the Martha challenge scheduled for today (clean out and organize kitchen drawers).  However, I still need to consider the Mary challenge, and consider it I will.

I am so glad that I have decided to to this 31 day challenge, even with the exhaustion it has caused.  I am very proud how far I have come!

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mom's out there!  Love to you all!