Surprise! It's a BOY!

As in years passed, I am currently doing an Advent Bible study.  I am a few days behind, but I suppose I should acknowledge that it's better late than never.

When I was a little girl I thought that a virgin was simply an unmarried woman.

I remember specifically this one Christmas (I was probably 10).  My Grandma made a nativity set at ceramics class, and everyone was admiring it.  My uncle and dad began to laugh, because Josephs painted eyes were very wide and surprised.  They began to make suggestive comments as to why his eyes were so wide.

It was at that time that I learned the true meaning of virgin: an unchaste woman; a woman who has not had sexual intercourse.  So no wonder Joseph's eyes were so darn wide. The baby Jesus wasn't his!  Before this I always thought Jesus was Joseph's son, and that God put the holy spirit in Mary to inhabit the baby.  So the flesh was from Joseph and spirit was from God.

The "little blue book" Advent study this year is from the book of Matthew.  Like the book of Luke, Matthew starts with the genealogy proving Jesus is the Messiah.  Interestingly enough, Jesus technically isn't from Joseph, so the lineage is pretty inconsequential. 

This study is a Catholic one, so a "theology" connection is what they attribute the long genealogy in the scripture - not DNA.  But it does leave the question, is Jesus REALLY the Messiah.   This doesn't, interestingly, mean that Jesus did not die for our sins (as all good Jews believed would be the case for the Messiah).  In fact, I just don't believe that on a DNA level (i.e. elemental) that one could say Jesus was Joseph's biological son.  But was there anything in the Bible that said this descendant of the house of David would HAVE to be blood related?

I find it interesting that the gospel of Matthew does so much to prove that Jesus is the Messiah.  I realize that the earliest Christians needed to be shown that in fact this man, Jesus, was the true Messiah spoken of in the books of the Tanakh.  However, Matthew chooses to quote Isaiah and the verse about the virgin bearing a son and naming him Emmanuel.

In Matthew, the birth narrative tells us that Mary was a virgin and became pregnant.  However, we all know she called the baby Jesus, as told to Joseph.  The Angel of the Lord tells Joseph that Mary has been impregnated by the Holy Spirit, and the baby will be called Jesus.  Emmanuel means God is with us.  But Jesus means the Lord is salvation.  I realize that the Tanakh spoke of a boy child that would be the Messiah, one that would definitely prove that God is with us.  But this Jesus of Nazareth, our salvation, is he the same man the Hebrews were waiting for?  According to scholars, Emmanuel and Jesus are similar names.  I'm not positive.  My name is Michelle.  It means, one who is like God.  What if the Angel of the Lord told Joseph that his name shall be Michael (which means the same as Michelle)?  After all, the Jehovah Witnesses will tell you the Angel Michael came on Earth to be Jesus.  Yes, leave it to a JW to really mess with your brain!

I recall a song from when I was a child.  My mother was in a chorus and at Christmas they sang this song about Jesus's many names: Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Lord of Lords, Mighty God, Emmanuel, etc.  In my research today, I found a website that lists over 100 names and titles that Jesus went by: 100 Names.  So does it matter what his name will be called?  We call him so many things.

For me Advent is a time of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love.  Devotion and meditation surrounded by the titles of the 4 Advent candles in the Advent wreath.  In past years, Advent is always the craziest time of the year, with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  However, this year, I am focusing on the sense of inner Hope, inner Peace, inner Joy and inner Love.  So that by this time next year I can pass those principles along to others.

I have a secret...

I have myself a secret

I keep it locked up well.

For I have made a promise

And to no one did I tell.

I have myself a secret

As many people do.

But this is not about me

But rather about you.

I have myself a secret

But little do I know.

If what I think's a secret

Is only just a show.

I have myself a secret

But friends we are no more.

So maybe I could tell it

Thus evening the score.

When patience becomes pointless

I have never been patient.  However, as a Mother I have daily reminders of my desire to learn the virtue.  For those of you without children, no matter what you do each day (may that be work, go to school, etc.) nothing, NOTHING, is as trying to your patience as being a parent.  I also think that is multiplied infinitely when you are the primary caregiver.  

Earlier this year, I worked and reworked a manuscript that I have been working on for almost two years now.  I posted a blog about it back in April: The Tra La La Tree.  After posting the blog I began sending it out to a variety of publishing companies.

As expected, it was not picked up by any of the first round of submissions.  I began round two of the manuscript submissions.  I also wrote a few short stories during this time, and submitted them to Christian monthly publications.  The Invitation, Three Billy Goats Grrruff, The Green-Eyed Monster, and Poetry are the writings which kept me busy throughout the summer months.

Then I read two books this fall that were published by independent (less-known) companies.  The one that stood out was Zoe Life Publishing (Zoe...just like my daughter's name).  So I made color copies of the illustrations for Tra La La Tree and sent the entire manuscript to both companies.  I don't consider myself an artist, just someone that likes to draw.  I also had this image of the tree...a specific idea...and I was afraid that an illustrator would not be able to effectively produce my imagination.

So off my manuscript went.  Then seven weeks ago I came home to a phone message from Dr. Adams from Zoe Life Publishing.  They loved my manuscript.  YES!  All the work finally paid off!  I phoned her back, and left a message.  I was impressed with the lovely answering system they had, and the lovely message was very sweet and Christ-focused.  But I did not hear back.  Two days later I called again, thinking that maybe I should leave my cell phone number too.  Left another message.  Two weeks later I phoned yet again, this time hoping to get an actual person.  No dice.  Another message left. 

This passed Saturday, November 27th (coincidentally my mom's birthday), I wrote an email to Zoe Life Publishing.  Mainly because I really want closure with this unsettling incident.  I just feel like I was told a cruel joke, or at least there was zero respect for my emotions regarding the manuscript.  After all, my writing has always been a piece of my heart.  Here is what I wrote:

To Whom It Concerns:

I submitted my manuscript, "The Tra La La Tree," to Zoe Publishing a few months ago. 

I also heard, via phone message, from Dr. Adams regarding interest in the above mentioned manuscript.

Since then I have returned this phone message a couple times hoping to contact Dr. Adams to further discuss my manuscript.  Unfortunately this has not happened.

If you are still interested in speaking to me regarding my manuscript, please contact me at:
313-XXX-XXXX (home phone)
313-XXX-XXXX (cell phone)
XXXXX12@gmail.com (email address)

I would also appreciate if you have changed your mind, if you could let me know that as well.

Thank you for your time.



So you can understand my surprise when I received the following shortly after sending my email:

Hi Michelle:

Our offices are closed for the holiday and will be re opening on Monday.  I will also give you a call at the time.  Thanks for following up.

Blessings

Sabrina

But now it is Thursday, and I have not heard a word.  Do I email back?  Do I just realize that people are not what they seem?

At what point does patience become pointless?  I think I have hit the point that patience is not longer the acceptable behavior needed for this situation. Sigh.

Pinecones and holly berries...

I have been a blogger since my daughter, Zoe, was born.  Essentially I have been writing down ideas, thoughts, creative muses, etc. on this Internet of ours for almost 6 years.

In the beginning I was extremely naive.  I left myself open to comments that didn't require authorization.  I simply allowed "all" who were interested the ability to comment about my daughter.  At first it wasn't a problem, because NO ONE left a comment.  Not even family (yeah, sad I realize).  But then I got a lovely joker that decided I was going to be his/her "troll" of the moment.  I didn't even realize people like this existed.  Which is rather sad, actually, considering we've all prank called as teenagers, and wanted to just be rude for no particular reason.  Of course, at that point, I had to become much more selective to what I wanted to post, and to whom I wanted to let comment.

Then I got pregnant again.  Zoe's blog was always directed as a first person narrative, given by baby Zoe herself.  I titled the blog: Zoe's World, as an homage to Elmo's World.  Elmo's best friend is Zoe, not the reason we named our daughter, Zoe, but I digress.  When our daughter, Evie (Eva) was born the name of the blog became "The Life and Times of Zoe and Eva," to honor that both girls were going to contribute.  Unfortunately (or fortunately) I have kept the narrative to be Zoe's voice - mostly because I really enjoy writing from her view point.

As time passed, I noticed that there was this burning desire to have my own voice.  That is where "A Closer Walk" came into play.  At first it was a blog to hash out my ideas regarding my various Bible studies; at one time I was in 3 (yes, I really tend to overdue things).  But I really began to believe it was a self-indulgent project; only for me and a few select people that were my "friend" in the "real world," and thus only following because they knew me and cared about me.

Then I read a fantastic book a few months back called, "Inspired By Autism."  The author, Claudreen Jackson was so inspirational to me.  Not as a Christian mother of an autistic son, but as a Christian mom of a child - trying to simply raise him as best as she could in this world.  And there, my friends, is where I no longer wanted to write a blog that was self-indulgent.  Forgive me, but I really do want to share my views and ideas with this world - at least those that are listening.

After completing, "Inspired," I was compelled to blog about it.  I could not imagine NOT blogging about this book.  Then a few weeks ago, the author came across my blog.  Yes!  And she commented on it!  What a huge honor.

So tonight, I was going to dedicate this blog to Claudreen, and her inspiration: in her book and out of her book.  Upon logging into my blog, I noticed a new member that is following what I'm saying on here.  Really?  Someone I don't know for real?

And there she was: Kristina Noelle.  A little Christmas miracle (NOEL) - just for me.  In fact, a few months ago I felt this blog was over...done.  But thank you, Kristina.  You have inspired me to continue my journey.  The journey to find the answers - whatever that means.

When I was in grade school we sang a medley.  It was a mash up of "It's Beginning to Look A lot Like Christmas" and "Pine Cones and Holly Berries."   I was one of the selected kids to sing "Pine Cones" and even though it wasn't a well known Christmas song, it made a silly song like "Beginning to Look..." so much nicer and richer.  So I have decided, on this November 27th, 2010 I would like to be the "Pine Cones and Holly Berries."  Definitely not the "MAIN" song in the medley - the one EVERYONE knows.  No!  Rather that other, less known (or unknown song), song that makes the familiar one sound just a little bit better...a little bit richer.

May the god or goddess of your heart bless you this lovely evening, and may you continue to follow me as I continue my journey.

He Holds the Future

When storms are raging' round me
And I'm drowning in quicksand,
And unhappy things are happening,
Things that I don't understand,
When I don't know what esle to do,
I'll just do what I can.
Because He who holds the Future
He also holds my hand.

I'll believe that God is with me
Every step of the way.
If He brought me to it
He'll bring me through it,
So in His care I'll stay.
And I will face my future
According to His plan.
He who holds the Future
Also holds my hand.

Claudreen Jackson

Inspired by Austism

I love, love, loved this little memoir by Claudreen Jackson.  She used quotes from other authors that helped her with her son's condition.  Here are my favorite:

"Like a ship that's tossed and driven

and battered by an angry sea

When the storm of life are raging

and the fury falls on me

I wonder just what I have done that makes

my race so hard to run

Then I say to my soul, "Don't worry.

The Lord will make a way somehow."

"Precious Lord, take my hand.

Lead me on, let me stand.

I'm tired, I am weak, I am worn.

Through the storm, through the night

Lead me on to the light

Take my hand, Precious Lord, lead me on.

"God created us and He can constantly and automatically recreate us."

Psalms 23:3 "He restores my soul."

"Don't die with your music still in you."

rantings from a Christian mom

If I had to choose a religion that best "fits" me, I would chose Christianity.  I believe that the teachings of Jesus Christ are wonderful ways in which we are humans can live a loving and giving life.  To be closer to our Creator, and living a life that he/she wants for us is what our goal should be.  To be more Christ-like...which, in my humble opinion means: To LOVE.

Even with all the Bible studying that I've done in this last year, I still view the overall message very different than the people that judge others and use scripture as a reason to judge others.

Yes, maybe I'm a contradiction.  I believe in the teachings of Jesus.  I am a Christian.  I want my children to grow up knowing God and Jesus.  I have what some call a "personal" relationship with Christ.  I pray to God.  I do my best to live the way Jesus taught others.  And that is why I am perplexed at the hatred Christians (on a whole) tend to exhibit.  Sometimes I am embarrassed to call myself a Christian?  Why?  Because there is so much anger, hatred, and judging that those calling themselves Christians exhibit.

Currently there is a huge situation with putting a Mosque near the site of the 9/11 bombings on the Twin Towers in New York city.  I realize that the terrorists that drove their planes into the buildings were Muslim, but above all they were terrorists.  If they were Christian extremists, would there be a debate if a group wanted to place a church in the vicinity? I cannot imagine.  In fact, what exactly would Christians say if a Muslim group or some Muslim individuals were protesting that there shouldn't be a church by a place that a Christian bombed?

The news (i.e. that to which I hear on NPR and read online) paints a picture of such bigotry and ironic Christian behavior that I am provoked to stand on my soapbox and rant.  If you aren't interested to read further, close your browser window or click on a link and get off this page.

What is fascinating to me is: where does the anger originate?  Why are people so angry that a place of worship would be built by a site of horrible carnage?  After all, many different people were killed that day: Christian, Jew, Muslim, white, black, etc. etc.  So why is there such madness about the Muslim worship center?  In my opinion, truth lies in the main reason for anger: Muslims bombed our Christian country...they don't deserve a worship center near the bombings.  Are we really a Christian country?  What happened to religious freedom?  And on an Evangelical-based twist: is Satan to blame for the hatred?

I am not suggesting that murderers should go unpunished.  But I find it very interesting how quickly Christians throw the stones at an entire religion, when only those involved should be punished in the end.  Jesus said in Matthew 12:36-37:

"But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

So who is judging then?  Should we judge?  What if the son of a best friend commits suicide?  Do we go to the funeral quoting how the child will suffer in the pits of hell (which isn't in the Bible...but another blog topic)?  Of course not.  If you are a Christian, you believe in a judgment day.  Don't we want more people to desire to be more like Christ?  If the only Christians in the lime-light are those exhibiting hatred, how many others are going to jump on board and say, "YES!  THAT IS WHAT I WANT!  I WANT TO FOLLOW CHRIST LIKE THOSE PEOPLE!"  I would have to think most people would not want to be like that.

Many Christians don't believe that Jehovah Witnesses are Christians.  But I cannot see them as anything but Christ-like.  Yes, some of their beliefs are a bit non-mainstream (I cannot imagine a life without Birthdays and holidays), but they are true "uniters".  They don't vote for political leaders, because they believe law comes from Jehovah (God).  They don't kill others (i.e. fight in wars), so they are listening to Jesus when he says, "love your neighbor" and "you shouldn't kill".  They don't take a sign and join the non-abortion rallies, yet they are very strict on what life is.  Life starts at conception for them...they just don't want to exhibit hatred to others.  This is very admirable.  They aren't hypocrites.

When I say hypocrites, I have to be careful because it dabs into my own judging of others.  However, I am going to explain what I mean when I say that MANY Christians are hypocrites.  God said, "Thou shall not kill."  Okay...pretty damn simple I think.  This scripture is in the Old Testament, or the Hebrew Scripture, or the Tanakh.  Therefore, all three main religions (Muslim, Jew, and Christian) believe this.  In fact, if you missed it in Exodus, it's right there in Deuteronomy.  And if you grew up a Lutheran, the 10 Commandments you use are the ones in Deuteronomy.  Which is a great discussion on one of your first dates!  Who is right?  The Lutherans or the rest of Christiandom?  Really...does it matter?  The Commandments are the same.

So lets get back to the point.  No killing.  Christians don't want to kill unborn babies, which is totally in line with scripture.  But what about killing a prisoner?  What about killing in war?  How is this any different than killing another person or a baby?  Aren't the men and women in the armed force innocent?  Just because the people that are the "enemies" are on the other side doesn't mean they aren't God's people.  I always find the statement, "God was on our side" to be so ridiculous.  What about all the children he lost?

Killing is just one of the hypocritical points of those that take on the guise of Christian.  So it's often difficult to express myself, hoping others don't assume I'm one of "those" Christians.  **this statement makes me laugh**

But I digress.  I am angry.  Angry that Christians and Muslims are fighting still...after all these years.  Wars fought in Jesus's name.  Not letting others have the right to worship.  What would the founding fathers think of this?  The founding fathers weren't Christian...they were deists at best.  Of course, by this point, they had killed to get to their place in govenment...so I suppose America was founded by hypocrites...ah, who the hell cares?

I do.  I care for my children.  I want them to be Christ-like.  I don't want them to think that means to hate others that aren't Christian.  Or to judge those that are different then what the Bible teaches.  Jehovah Witnesses never shy away from trying to teach homosexuals or members of other religions.  They believe that people can change.  I believe that to.  At least I am trying to believe that.

All we truly need is Love.  I realize that I am referencing a song.  But it's true.  The old saying, "Why can't we all just get along?" is right up there too.

So go ahead with your hate...your fear...your personal agendas.  Hopefully I can be more Christ-like and show my children that LOVE is what being a Christian is all about.  Maybe, just maybe, they'll grow up to love others no matter what religion, or color, or background, or sex, or whatever.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to see them grow up to live fruitful Christian loving lives.  Maybe.