Number Three - 40 @ 40

If you want to view all posts in this series goto: 40 @ 40

I have been teaching private piano lessons for over 22 years and voice almost as long.  I have been looking for something to do in a related field, but different all together as well.  In walked OnGuard Essential Oil.

Okay, the bottle itself didn't walk in by itself, my sister, Kelly, introduced it to me one day in January.  She had me put the oil on my wrist, just a couple drops.  For the rest of the day I felt better. Maybe it was psychosomatic, but the aromatic blend seemed to be perfect for my emotional being. I told her to get me a jar for myself. I quickly began using the oil in boiling water on the stove top, as a spray, and then on my face.  Yes, my face.

I have had such issues the last couple of years with acne.  I know that my eating habits contributed to problem skin, but I also knew that as I have aged my skin care needs are different.  I saw a dermatologist about 8 years ago, but the chemicals he told me to put on my skin were not sun or children friendly.  I couldn't put my skin next to the skin of my babies, and THAT was not cool.  Sure the pimples went away, but it wasn't permanent.  I suppose I wasn't looking for a miracle, but something more natural was what I was hoping for.

Last summer I tried coconut oil, extra virgin and organic.  I read how it could improve my skin.  At first, it did.  I was so excited.  Then my skin was worse than before.  It was a mess.  I decided to return to a basic routine that did not include expensive soaps or creams: Witch Hazel Blog  I still use coconut oil for cooking, and I use it on my body as well.  It is wonderful if you mix sugar with it for a pre-shaving sugar scrub.

So at this point I was using just witch hazel.  Nothing else.  My skin started to heal somewhat, but I needed to use some kind of additional help. I had dry patches where the skin was healing.  I used lavender oil, and that was very soothing.  I used tea tree oil, which was good at killing the bacteria that was covering my face.  However, when I started using OnGuard, something miraculous happened.  I thought if I can get rid of this crap on my face I will sell the product(s).  At the same time, I was given an oil composition from Aveda - Beautifying Composition.  I use the OnGuard after the "wash" with witch hazel.  Then I put the Beautifying oil all over my face.

I don't plan on selling Aveda, but I do believe their products are high quality.  The above has the following ingredients:
organic soybean oil
organic olive oil
organic safflower oil
organic lavender (calming and relaxing)
rosemary  (muscle aches and pains)
bergamot (calming)
However, could I sell this OnGuard stuff?

Back when my sister gave me the wrist drops of OnGuard, we talked about how we have never heard of doTERRA before, and there should be home parties like Tupperware or PartyLite.  OMG!  I used to be obsessed with PartyLite.  I love candles, but now I have a friend who makes soy candles that don't bother my allergies and such.  How different 15 years make.  My search for a local doTERRA person ended with me realizing no one in the Dearborn area sell it.  So I decided, why don't I sell it?!

In my 40 years, I have been asked to become a consultant with Tupperware Parties, PartyLite, Jamberry, ThirtyOne, Jafra, Pampered Chef, Quixstar,Avon, Lia Sophia, Purse Party,Scentsy,Tastefully Simple, and Mary Kay.  I think because I have a really honest and fun personality when I go to these parties.  I have never sold anything before.  That is unless you count children's overpriced clothing at Crowley's for three months in high school, food at the Eagle Tavern in Greenfield Village and myself as a teacher. Which I guess says something about how I believe the quality of oils doTERRA.  It is not that I don't think essential oils from another company is not good, but there is a lot to be said for quality of oils.

So if you are at all interested in finding out more information (I'm still learning, but I can help) or buying more product please visit my doTERRA site: MichelleMartin40

Number Two - 40 @ 40

Piercings Before 40

When I was a little girl, I pretty much begged to get my ears pierced daily.  My mom was quite protective, and finally (after wearing her down) she took me to get my ears pierced when I was 8. I remember getting them, even though that was 30 years ago.  I remember that there was only one girl working that day, and they like to do both ears at once.  So, I'm sure you can image how straight (not) the woman was able to pierce.  Regardless, I remember being so proud of myself.  I remember getting the second hole piercing in 7th grade. I had been bugging my mom, but my dad took me instead. He said that all the girls at his school had the second hole. My mom wasn't pleased, but I got the holes anyway.  Years later I got a third hole in each ear and a fourth in the left.  When Jim and I first started dating I also got my left ear cartilage pierced. It really didn't hurt much at all.

Even though I liked the many holes, by about 25 I started taking the fourth and then third earrings out. I felt that the many holes were not business like. I laugh at this thought now.  So for many years now I had five earring holes in which I wear simple studs and sometimes a hanging one in the bottom holes.  

First Body Piercing

I wanted to get my eyebrow pierced for quite sometime.  I thought it would be edgy and different. However, a friend of mine told me not to bother because the hairs never grow back if you want to remove the piercing. However, for the last six years I wanted to get my nose pierced. I would have got the piercing earlier, but Jim seemed put off by it. I didn't want him to be grossed out with my appearance. But the closer 40 came, the more I realized that I desperately wanted to get one and didn't really care if it wasn't Jim's cup of tea. I'm not suggesting I don't care what he thinks of me, but I figure it has been 14 years and he hasn't left yet. A nose piercing wasn't going to change my looks in my opinion, so I told him that I wanted to get it done on my birthday.

So, I did.  It was quite an experience. The thing is, it was unlike any of my other piercings. I was relaxed, and pretty much not nervous. After all, I've had two vaginal births without pain meds, and 7 ear piercings. However, it was like what I imagine getting shot feels like. Of course, after the initial "pop" and my eye watering afterwards, there was zero pain or side effects. I did feel nauseous for about 20 minutes, but it was more an adrenaline high.  

I am very pleased at how well it has healed. Of course, I clean it a couple times a day and I take very good care of my skin so it isn't going to get forgotten. I still forget it is there sometimes, but pretty much I am pleased with it.

I posted a recent selfie on Saturday, and clearly the piercing was there. However, not one person said anything. Only 2 out of 20 students mentioned it, and I never mentioned it on social media. I wanted to just have it be part of me, not a big production. If you missed the selfie - here it is:

  

Number One - 40 @ 40

Flossing Before 40

Hi.  I'm Michelle and I HATE flossing.

This is no joke.  Every 6 months I goto the dentist to be told I need to floss more, and the sad part is I might floss a hand full of times between visits.  And usually this is due to the fact I have a piece of meat or popcorn stuck between teeth.  So actually I am not flossing my entire mouth, but just the problem spot. One would think that I simply need to buckle down and just floss.  However, I find the whole process gross and overall unproductive.  My teeth do not like string in them, and I have a visceral issue with the feeling of rubbing the string back and forth.  Many of my teeth do not lend themselves to traditional flossing because they are close together and I have dental work as well. Jim likes the flossers like these:

And I have tried to use them. I really have. But I break the string 99% of the time. I have super strong teeth I guess, or maybe I am incapable of learning the proper flossing technique. Point is: I hate flossing and it's not because I haven't tried to like it. But then we started seeing a new dentist and the hygienist feels the same way about flossing as I. We were kindred spirits. She told me as I age I have to be more cognizant of my oral health, but she had another idea.

The Water Flosser 

(angels sing in the background)

I have so much fun using this machine.  My teeth feel clean all the time, like they do after a professional cleaning. I kid you not.  And it takes almost no time to go through your entire mouth. Rather than feeling uncomfortable while flossing, the water actually massages my gums and makes for a pleasant overall experience.  A plus side to this machine is that my teeth are visibly whiter.  

So I have started a new habit at 40 - flossing my teeth.  I'm also having fun doing it!

40 @ 40

A couple short weeks ago, I turned 40.  Just typing this completely shakes me to the core.  When I was younger, much younger, I wanted to be older.  I was 12 and three quarters, almost 18, almost 21, almost 23...Many women seem to be upset to turn 30.  I know some who are forever 29.  However, four days before my 30th birthday I became a mother for the first time.  Thirty came and went and I didn't feel old.  Maybe I was tired, due to the lack of sleep.  But the truth is I felt empowered and thus my thirties were defined by motherhood.

However, this number 40 is an ugly reminder that I am aging.  I will no longer have a first home, first new car, first pregnancy, first trip to Europe.  No, now I can look forward to my first mammogram, my first pair of bifocals (which I should have had already), my first pair of gel shoe inserts...

So I decided that this year I will create a small bucket list of firsts that are welcomed.  I have decided to call this project:

I do hope this list is not only a way for me to stay focused on the positive, but maybe I'll also inspire others to do the same.

Hearing "You're Fat" By a Loved One

What Constitutes Bullying?

For over a month I have been mulling over this question.  As many of my readers know, I was bullied as a child and young adult.  And two years ago, I experienced adult bullying as well as the bullying of my oldest daughter, Zoe.  So I suppose you can say I'm not inexperienced when it comes to bullying.

However, what if a family member feels it necessary to address an issue?  What if that issue is weight, or your decision to homeschool, or your choice in spouse, or your decision to adopt, or your decision to move?  Is there a right way to present the concern?  I believe there most certainly is.  But what if my beliefs on this matter are a direct result of my past?  What if I'm just too damn sensitive?  This has been weighing on me (no pun intended) for over six weeks.

Thirty Years Removed

This year I turn 40.  This seems so big to me.  I cannot tell you why exactly, but it is a case of what I thought I would experience by 40.  I don't necessarily feel that my choice to have babies and put my family first in my 30's was a bad choice, but I'm definitely in a different place than I imagined.  Different bad?  Nah, just different.  The little girl of yesterday is still inside of me, but I have grown and accepted my past for what it is worth: the past. However, I have not forgotten the laughter and judgmental comments spewed across the classroom; especially at recess and Girl Scouts.  I have forgiven those children involved, but I wonder if those bullying memories have made me less accepting and more sensitive to bullying behaviors now.  

I think it is difficult to be objective when it comes to emotional scaring.  It is also so difficult to prove.  What if my experiences are simply my perspective on what was happening.  What if I am using the word "bullying" when in fact that isn't at all what is happening.  I have challenged friends before regarding the way bullying it taught in schools today.  The word "bully" is now in the vernacular of children, and can be thrown around without much thought.  However, I believe if the child feels comfortable to start dialogue with a teacher or other adult, the countless over-dramatic children seem to be worth the effort.    

Grief

Everyone deals with grief differently, and I truly believe no one way is perfect.  For those who felt I should be "over it" after Ray's memorial, I simply shook my head in disbelief.  If you are reading this and you have suffered a loss and are still getting "over it" that is okay.  Please know you are not alone, and there is no exact science to when you'll be "over it."  Therefore, food became my comfort, and I must admit I am housing more weight than ever before.  Well, not exactly, because I have lost since January, but you know where I'm going with this.  I'm not proud of this, but I certainly do not need to be judged by my body either.  In all honesty, I would much prefer to be challenged or bullied about pretty much any other topic related to my choices, but weight is just too personal to me and my inner-world.  

I live inside my head most of the time.  For many of my friends and family, this may seem surprising to some.  I can be quite open and talkative to be around, and I can be silly and spontaneous.  This doesn't mean I am an extrovert.  In fact, I am not.  I honestly think too much about everything and everyone - well after and much more than I think I should at times.  I am also what I refer to as a sensitive, not behaving in a sensitive way (which maybe I am too...).  I feel what others are feeling, and oftentimes internalize their emotions.  As I have aged, my ability to feel what others feel is only stronger.  I can feel over an email, a text, a phone conversation.  However, when I was grieving the loss of Ray last year, I was also grieving for my mother, my children, and our family.  I was not concerned with my body or health.  

Words

I could go into explaining how words are simply that: words.  How actions speak louder, and all that jive.  But the truth is: words hurt.  Regardless of their intent, words spoken hang over us like cartoon balloons.  Whether there is heartfelt concern over another person, I believe there could be tact in the situation.  In fact, I appreciate concern.  I just felt slapped in the face.  Yes, time has passed, but my initial reaction is still hanging there...concerning me.  Maybe I overreacted, but I don't think I did.  At the time, I felt others pressuring me to just move forward and ignore the comments; because the source was not in the right frame of mind.  But the thing is, I don't believe that behavior gets to be excused.  I have since accepted an apology, but the words will continue to reflect my feelings toward the person.  I will continue to work through that, but I have never been super good at forgetting.

I'm not one to watch the Oscar's.  In fact, I believe Hollyweird is pretty much not something I care to spend my free time viewing.  That being said, I wish a young Michelle had heard the words from Graham Moore last night:

A Year Later

Last year at this time I was spending a lot of quality time with Ray.  At this point he was doing well in rehab, and we were discussing how he could come home for Christmas (if just for a visit).  Quickly this situation turned grave.  But it is almost incomprehensible that a year has passed me by.  I am completely mystified how I have been able to survive the last few years, and 2014 especially.  If I didn't have pictures to show the various activities our family has experienced, I would have told you it was still 2013.

In the last couple of weeks I have spent time going through photos and updating the Ladybug's blog:
The Martin Ladybugs

I took pictures, so I know I was there physically.  However, I just don't remember much.  I don't remember what we ate for Thanksgiving dinner last year, nor Christmas Eve and Christmas, nor what I did between January and summer.  It's like I was going through motions, but not exactly making connections.  I have a lot of memories of summer, and watching the girls swim and learn how to do strokes properly.  But then there was a month of pure hell that I'm not sure how I made it out the other side without killing someone.

The flood of 2014 was not a simple day or five project.  It uprooted our whole existence for a month.  I could not practice for a wedding to which I was singing/playing without squeezing into the bathroom/laundry area and working on the music.  I was unable to teach private piano and voice lessons the first week of the school year, because the basement was completely torn up.  And these are just two of the many problems we encountered.  Many items were lost in the water, and so much clean up had to be done.  It seemed as if it would never be done, and yet here I am on the other side of the mountain.  How did I manage to get here?

I also managed to help my mother clear our more than 60 years of "stuff" from Ray's house.  If you are interested: Placing Significance on Insignificant Stuff 

Then in the midst of all of this, we had lice AND hand-foot-and-mouth disease.  Fortunately it was only the ladybugs who got the lice (I may have gone off the deep end if I also had them), but unfortunately I also got the hand-foot and mouth.  You would think ONE plague would be enough, but no, we had TWO.  And between Jim and I, we have also had enough blood work, procedures, and doctor's visits to last a lifetime.  Good news is that we both are mostly healthy, and neither needs surgery.

I do not wish to sound cynical, but this has been quite the shitty year for us; figuratively and literally. For starters, we had sewage in our basement when it flooded.  Then I just wrote a check for Jim's procedures, and Maggie (our beautiful dog) was found to have two kinds of intestinal worms.  We have also seen Zoe returning to some more anxious behavior, and now have been able to attribute it to her digestive system out of whack.  She is on her vitamins again, and things are moving along nicely (physically and emotionally).  But the shit is there.  And it is after a few pretty shitty years for Jim and I and our little family.  However, I am confident that at some point the clouds will lift and we will live in the light for at least a short while. Of course that is before something else crazy happens.

Somehow, someway, I have clawed my way through this last year.  I appreciate those who have clung onto me while I was at my worst.  It is through love that I have persevered, and it is through love in which I will enter 2015.  I thank you all for reading.

Like a Square Peg in a Round Hole...

...we just don't fit.

Even though we pulled our kids from private school in March 2013, last fall began our official start to homeschooling.  I was nervous to trust my instincts, and pretty much felt completely overwhelmed at the idea of schooling my Ladybugs.  I was quickly pulled in a hurricane of teaching the girls during the day, teaching private lessons on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and Saturdays, and taking care of my grandpa Ray on Monday and Wednesday evenings (and throughout the weekend).  I had no time to even think about anything.  I was pulled in many directions, and I was constantly frustrated with the girls.

What a difference a year makes - as my brain is much more focused on what we can achieve by homeschooling.  Less structure and more substance.  Zoe wants to spend a half hour baking cinnamon bread?  Okay!  She's working on reading, following directions, and measurements.  If Evie wants to take a time out to sit in the front tree?  Okay!  She is spending time with nature and refocusing herself to the tasks at hand.  I actually scheduled recess in the beginning of last year.  I had a plan, and I was going to adhere to it.  But by Christmastime (and the passing of Ray) I could not continue the path I had started.  Did that mean an end to homeschooling?  A part of me knew something had to give, but from the moment we left the private school, I knew I had made the right decision for our family.

This August was completely crazy; flood, power outage, canceled vacation, etc.  I thankfully had the first part of our school year mapped out (i.e. I had an action plan with movement).  However, each day is a little different, and I am flexible to the needs of my children.  After all, if you are going to set up your home like a school, what is the point of teaching your child(ren) at home?

Why don't we fit the homeschool picture?

We aren't homeschooling for Christian reasons.  At one point I thought that was the case.  The truth?  I loved the small class sizes of the private Christian school.  Their focus on individualized education was truly awesome.  Of course a small, family environment also means people saying and doing things that are very hurtful and spiteful.  Regardless, I wanted to provide that individualized curriculum.  So why was I streamlining everything?

We aren't homeschooling for political reasons.  We are not very political in nature.  We vote at all elections, but know that most of the time the outcome is the same as always.

We aren't homeschooling to shelter our children.  Yes, Zoe had huge issues with her anxiety.  And, yes, these issues did prevent her from wanting to take part in dance classes and the like.  But the truth is: our children have more friends than the average school-aged child.  We just had an 80s movie week, where we showed our children favorite movies from the 80s.  Yes, there were swear words.  Yes, they have heard them before.  No, we aren't worried.  I'm not going to say I don't want to protect my ladybugs from the nastiness of the world, but sheltering is not why we did this.

So , I ask myself - Why did we decide to homeschool?  The answer is simple: our education system is flawed beyond repair at this point.  Yes, there are some decent private schools, but they are all religious based.  There are also charter schools, but most will tell you a charter school is not necessarily better than a public school.  I don't have all the answers, but I do know that the quality of education today is not the same as it was 30 years ago.  Standardizing curriculum, testing all the time, and eliminating recess are just a few reasons I chose to continuing homeschooling.

I must admit the last month has been a hell on earth for us.  Our home has been in a constant disaster; almost giving people on Hoarders a run for their money.  But the flood has taught us to be smart about our purchases and the amount of things that are needed to survive.  So we push through the darkest moments and laugh when there are no tears left to fall.  For this too shall pass.