The Genesis of My Faith
| *random parishioners* |
I was baptized and raised in a Lutheran Church.
When I was a little girl (I have memories starting around 4), I had a very strong faith in Jesus. In fact, I had a crush on the Anglo-Saxon version of Jesus. I carried around various pictures of Jesus, and thought he was extremely handsome. I also looked forward to traveling up north each summer, because on the road there was the "Jesus Sign" which said - Are You On The Right Road?
I looked forward to going each week to Sunday School and learning about Jesus. The church had two worship services- 8:30am and 11am - and Sunday School took place between the services. Most of my knowledge of Jesus was from curriculum and not scripture focused. I did receive a Bible for my First Communion, which was when I was 12. My Grandma and Grandpa Riske bought the white leather bound Revised Standard Version Bible and had my name embossed on the cover in gold. I did use it during Confirmation Classes, but not very often. We usually spoke about what Lutherans believe, and why being a Lutheran was superior to other faiths. In fact, I finally read that Bible cover to cover only a few years ago.
I was not a saint, reader, so don't think this blog is geared towards my piousness. I admit to getting kicked out of Confirmation Classes on two separate occasions: disagreeing that babies not baptized go to hell, and stating that there were in fact dinosaurs. On both occasions I was forced to write a letter of apology. I knew God was a loving God, and therefore would not subject a baby to hell if they were not baptized. And I couldn't understand why dinosaurs couldn't be added to the animals in the creation story. The church was strict in what it required for membership, but I really didn't know anything else. However, even though I was a bit of a rebel I was Confirmed at 14. This was the completion of Sunday School at our church.
When I "graduated" from Sunday School, I attended the High School class to hang with other High Schoolers. It was a place to watch movies, talk more in-depth about being a Christian (more importantly a LUTHERAN), and further explore our studies. I immediately felt very out of place. I just didn't buy the idea that praying to God for an "A" in school was a good idea. I also felt that God's grace did not allow you to "get out of" doing something at home or at school. The other kids were VERY cliquey and they seemed to have no space for an awkward 14 year-old girl.
I decided the best fit for me was teaching Sunday School. First I was a helper, and I assisted the nursery teachers with singing and playing. Then I got my own class of 3 & 4 year olds. I was a Sunday School teacher for many years. When my first marriage failed, I never faltered my commitment to the kids. I loved creating projects based on the curriculum, and the children brought me joy. I also found humor in the fact that when I taught the creation story, dinosaurs were mentioned. I laughed really hard when I realized that Lutherans DID believe there were the thunderous creatures, and that I wasn't a heathen after all.
It was during the school year 2000-2001, that the music director of the Cherub Choir (little kids chorus) noticed my ability to direct little ones. So she asked if I would voluntarily fill in for her. I spent every Sunday in November and December preparing the children for the Christmas Program, and I accompanied the children for their church performances during both Children's Sundays. I also ran the Christmas Program rehearsal with the children - which included a lot of organization and direction on my part. At the finish of the concert, the music director was given a huge bouquet of flowers and commended on a job well done. There was a standing ovation and praise given from the parishioners.
Over Christmas break, I discovered that the music director was double dipping. She was getting a salary from our church AND working at another church. She was working at the other church on Sunday mornings, and therefore could not work with the little cherubs. I never got thanked at by her or the Sunday School director. I was also too naive to say anything.
So I went ahead and prepared the Cherub Chorus for the Spring show. This also meant I was preparing, accompanying and directing monthly Children's Sunday performances as well. At the end of the school year, the music director was once again praised for her job, and I was not even acknowledged for my "help." When I brought my concerns to the Director of Sunday School, he seemed complacent. As Summer drew to an end, I was approached to run the Cherub Choir as a volunteer for the 2001-2002 school year (the old Director was not available...fancy that). They were not going to pay me. I did a lot of praying, and decided to write a letter which stated I would not teach nor direct the choir that school year. I was definitely being taken for a ride, and it was only just beginning.
What happened next was very disturbing, and it still is sad even all these years later. When I was a teacher, people always said "good morning" and "hello Michelle" and "enter nice text here". When I stopped teaching I would come to church and no one said ANYTHING. I would smile, and people looked away. I swear it was like I was getting shunned. I honestly cannot tell you how upsetting it is to be ignored by people who you considered your extended family. It was ridiculous behavior, and I decided that I was no longer going to worship at this church.
When I was a little girl (I have memories starting around 4), I had a very strong faith in Jesus. In fact, I had a crush on the Anglo-Saxon version of Jesus. I carried around various pictures of Jesus, and thought he was extremely handsome. I also looked forward to traveling up north each summer, because on the road there was the "Jesus Sign" which said - Are You On The Right Road?
I looked forward to going each week to Sunday School and learning about Jesus. The church had two worship services- 8:30am and 11am - and Sunday School took place between the services. Most of my knowledge of Jesus was from curriculum and not scripture focused. I did receive a Bible for my First Communion, which was when I was 12. My Grandma and Grandpa Riske bought the white leather bound Revised Standard Version Bible and had my name embossed on the cover in gold. I did use it during Confirmation Classes, but not very often. We usually spoke about what Lutherans believe, and why being a Lutheran was superior to other faiths. In fact, I finally read that Bible cover to cover only a few years ago.
I was not a saint, reader, so don't think this blog is geared towards my piousness. I admit to getting kicked out of Confirmation Classes on two separate occasions: disagreeing that babies not baptized go to hell, and stating that there were in fact dinosaurs. On both occasions I was forced to write a letter of apology. I knew God was a loving God, and therefore would not subject a baby to hell if they were not baptized. And I couldn't understand why dinosaurs couldn't be added to the animals in the creation story. The church was strict in what it required for membership, but I really didn't know anything else. However, even though I was a bit of a rebel I was Confirmed at 14. This was the completion of Sunday School at our church.
When I "graduated" from Sunday School, I attended the High School class to hang with other High Schoolers. It was a place to watch movies, talk more in-depth about being a Christian (more importantly a LUTHERAN), and further explore our studies. I immediately felt very out of place. I just didn't buy the idea that praying to God for an "A" in school was a good idea. I also felt that God's grace did not allow you to "get out of" doing something at home or at school. The other kids were VERY cliquey and they seemed to have no space for an awkward 14 year-old girl.
I decided the best fit for me was teaching Sunday School. First I was a helper, and I assisted the nursery teachers with singing and playing. Then I got my own class of 3 & 4 year olds. I was a Sunday School teacher for many years. When my first marriage failed, I never faltered my commitment to the kids. I loved creating projects based on the curriculum, and the children brought me joy. I also found humor in the fact that when I taught the creation story, dinosaurs were mentioned. I laughed really hard when I realized that Lutherans DID believe there were the thunderous creatures, and that I wasn't a heathen after all.
It was during the school year 2000-2001, that the music director of the Cherub Choir (little kids chorus) noticed my ability to direct little ones. So she asked if I would voluntarily fill in for her. I spent every Sunday in November and December preparing the children for the Christmas Program, and I accompanied the children for their church performances during both Children's Sundays. I also ran the Christmas Program rehearsal with the children - which included a lot of organization and direction on my part. At the finish of the concert, the music director was given a huge bouquet of flowers and commended on a job well done. There was a standing ovation and praise given from the parishioners.
| *random pageant children* |
So I went ahead and prepared the Cherub Chorus for the Spring show. This also meant I was preparing, accompanying and directing monthly Children's Sunday performances as well. At the end of the school year, the music director was once again praised for her job, and I was not even acknowledged for my "help." When I brought my concerns to the Director of Sunday School, he seemed complacent. As Summer drew to an end, I was approached to run the Cherub Choir as a volunteer for the 2001-2002 school year (the old Director was not available...fancy that). They were not going to pay me. I did a lot of praying, and decided to write a letter which stated I would not teach nor direct the choir that school year. I was definitely being taken for a ride, and it was only just beginning.
What happened next was very disturbing, and it still is sad even all these years later. When I was a teacher, people always said "good morning" and "hello Michelle" and "enter nice text here". When I stopped teaching I would come to church and no one said ANYTHING. I would smile, and people looked away. I swear it was like I was getting shunned. I honestly cannot tell you how upsetting it is to be ignored by people who you considered your extended family. It was ridiculous behavior, and I decided that I was no longer going to worship at this church.
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