The Genesis of My Faith
Today I continue the saga of my faith journey, with the appropriate title:
The Exodus of My Faith
When I was a high schooler, I was very close to the Assistant Pastor, Jim. I babysat his children and I taught his daughter weekly piano lessons. He was a very good man, but he left the church only a few years after joining the staff. When he left I thought it was for a better opportunity in Illinois, but I do believe there was more to it. Would I have stayed if he had? Maybe. But I do not believe he would have stood for what happened to me. I now believe he was forced out - as often happens when someone doesn't fit in with the "norm". This time, of course, the norm was a very opinionated group of disgruntled parishioners and Pastor Jim didn't fit. Neither did I.
| *the way I felt about religion* |
Due to the way I had been treated (the shunning, the music director exploitation), I became very disenchanted with religion all together. It wasn't as if I was attending another church or worshiping elsewhere, I was simply not going to church. This was 2001, the year I started dating my husband, Jim, and the year I quit my "real" job to be a full-time music teacher/business. Therefore, I made my Exodus of ALL religious institutions.
About a year after I left the Lutheran church, I got a letter in the mail. I knew it was from the church - their address was on the outside. I had been receiving the monthly messengers, so getting mail wasn't odd. However, the crazy part was what the letter said. Since I no longer have the letter, I can only give an approximation of its contents. The letter stated that the church knew I made $50,000 per year, so that according to their records I owed $5000 in tithes. They had just installed a new "state-of-the-art elevator system" so they were hoping I would submit my share.
First off, I did make that much prior to leaving the business world. However, I never once told them what I made - NEVER! This was also before Google and the way our lives are so public, which was really disturbing to me and my psyche. I also found it to be really ballsy - even if I had told them how much I made, what made them so certain that I would WANT to give this money to them. And I assume they kept pretty good attendance records, since they collected name/address cards during communion (which was once a month). So they would have been well aware I hadn't been attending regularly. I suppose the truth was, they didn't care about me...just my money.
About a year after that, I got a postcard from the new youth director. She was hoping I would participate in new youth activities at the church. Mind you, reader, I was 27 years old - a bit old to be considered a youth. I simply laughed and knew that I would not be returning; it wasn't a situation of a pastor (she seemed really nice), I no longer believed in the doctrine of the Lutheran church.
This was also the time I began reading interesting and very thought provoking books.
| *one of the books* |
Did this book change the way I viewed Christianity? No. But I did begin realizing that the church was/is man-made. Men created the doctrine, not Jesus. I wasn't even certain if I believed that Jesus was a real man. I am not embarrassed to admit this - I questioned my faith, as MANY Christians do. I read a lot of books on different faiths, which were definitely fascinating. Why? Because as a student of the Lutheran faith, we spent a lot of time getting taught what it was to be a Lutheran, why we were superior, and what we believed. We were simply taught that the Jews killed Jesus, Catholics were hypocrites because they worshiped idols (Mary, Saints, etc.), and any multi-god/goddess faith was breaking the laws of Moses (The Ten Commandments). How narrow-minded!
I suppose I should answer a few questions that you might have: Did I still pray? Yes. Did I still believe in God? Yes. Did I feel betrayed? Yes. Did I feel there was something else out there? Yes.
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