February Wrap Up

The time has come again to assess the month's goals and activities.

I have to first state that February has been one of the toughest months I've had to endure in a long time.  And the truth is, it is probably the hardest month I've had to endure professionally.  I have lost trust in many, I have realized those who care about me and support me, and I have made major decisions on where the education of our Ladybugs will continue.

This being said, I have decided to privately blog about my experiences concerning the current school situation, and I will post them "live" when the situation is over or on the last day of school, whichever comes first.  This allows me to still write about what is happening, without having to stop trusting even more people in my circle of friends and acquaintances.  Yes, I have eliminated (blocked) most all the acquaintances from our school.  I have a few more to reassess today.  However, I cannot ignore the melancholy mood I am experiencing.  I am not able to simply "unfriend" people online, but rather I have to completely "block" them so they no longer are able to see ANY of my activity.

Now for the goals:

Goal #1: Read all seven Harry Potter books on my new Nexus 7 tablet.
I am not a whole lot farther ahead on Harry than I was a month ago.  According to the Kindle app on my tablet, I am 50% completed with the third book.  I have been reading other books using the e-reader function, and I was also quite ill earlier this month.

Goal #2: Reclaim my body - mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I successfully feel good about my new haircut.  I got my head cut and colored today, which ends the month on a bright RED note.  Of course with all the additional stress I'm under I must admit I am still neglectful with my body.  However, I did make a doctor's appointment for next Tuesday.  I have had to use Xanex since Monday, and feel as if I need to discuss my options with my doctor.  I am definitely in need of mental support, but hopefully the added psychiatric meds will be short lived.  

Goal #3: Give more.
This month we gave $100 to the American Heart Association Jump Rope For Heart program.  Friends of ours (Mother & Son) are both heart defect survivors.  Their donation page is here: Monty Ingham.  I also devoted a few hours to a dear friend who needed help organizing her home.  Out of the three goals, I think I'm having the most success on this one.  Well, there are still 10 months of the year to go.

Not My Kid

...or Why Is It the People Who Take Heart With What I Write Are Always Those Who I'm Not Talking About In The First Place?

Zoebug and her friend, Anthony - Summer 2009

Professionally Speaking
As a private teacher I quite often have to write general emails that pertain to only a few clients.  However, I send the email in mass (i.e. to all students) to make sure I have covered all bases.  I believe information is key to any relationship, therefore, including the non-violators in the email allows all to have the knowledge.  Each time I send these emails I get people responding to make sure they are not at fault.  And the interesting thing is that I NEVER get a response (verbal or written) from the families who I'm actually trying to reach.

I have one family in particular who seems to feel the rules do not apply to them.  I am constantly on them for tuition payment and getting forms back to me.  I used to feel the mom did not appreciate what I was teaching, nor did I feel she respected my work.  However, a few weeks ago I approached her about the fact that her children were not practicing.  I told her (and the children) that I do not continue to teach students who don't practice.  I put them on probation.  The mother was very upset, because she felt they had to learn the piano.  That it wasn't just a hobby or something for fun.  She felt it was just as important as school.  I was shocked at this.  But, the children had a week off and then for the last two weeks they have practiced. I was surprised.  Of course this has nothing to do with the fact that the mother is always one if not two weeks late with her tuition payment.

Personally Speaking
Last Wednesday, I wrote a blog about how people have been showering me with their opinions about my choices for schools next fall.  Click here to read the post.  But the real kicker was after I wrote the blog, I got an email from Zoebug's teacher informing me of a situation in class.

Apparently the children had been talking about where they were going to attend school in the fall.  Even though many of the children aren't registered anywhere (I only know this because I've talked to their parents), they jumped on the bandwagon saying they were ALL going to this particular Lutheran school.  All except Zoebug's BFF.  When Zoebug (bless her honest heart) said she was not going there the rest of the children began making fun of her.  Zoebug's teacher claimed that the conversations had been going on for the last few days, but she was doing her best to divert the talk of schools.

When Zoebug came home, I proceeded to question her as to how she felt about the lunchtime talk.  She told me that it was two children in particular who lead the conversation.  There was also talk about how Zoebug should tell us we are not making the right decision by not sending her to the Lutheran school.  That she is ruining their friendships by not going to the Lutheran school.

After talking further, I realized that Zoebug didn't care that she wasn't going to the Lutheran school, but that she was hurt that her so called "friends" were not accepting of that.  Because I was bullied in school, I have a hard time not going to that place in my heart and mind.  However, I did my best to keep a clear head.  I assured Zoebug that the children in her class were not all going to attend that Lutheran school, but that I was really proud of her that she didn't lie to fit in.  We forgave the children together.  Then I went on Facebook.  Normally I like to stay away from drama, but this time I felt I needed to post something public that the parents of these children would read.

I wrote:

Heartbreaking is finding out your school is closing; soul crushing is having your daughter picked on because she isn't going to the same school next fall as many of the other students.

I had many Facebook friends comment.  One mother did ask if her son was involved.  The truth is: I wasn't there.  I don't know exactly what was said.  But I do know my daughter was teased for something that is ridiculous and completely not her fault.  And after all of that, who would want to be friends with those nasty kids anyway?

Just yesterday (over a week after my Facebook post), I was approached by two other mothers wondering if their sons were involved.  Again, they were part of the children who said they were going to the Lutheran school, but they weren't the instigators.  I reassured them that their children were not the instigators, and they assured me that had both spoke to their sons about what was being said to my daughter.  And the thing is?  I don't care that I put that as a status message.  I don't care if I was being dramatic.  Because all too often we accept the saying, "kids will be kids" and that is just parents and teachers being lazy and disrespectful of the child who is getting teased.  Just because a kid is acting like asshole, does not mean my daughter should accept that as "normal".

Yes, I just said kids can act like an asshole.  I often say (in the vein of Horton Hears a Who):

An assholes an asshole no matter how small.

Yesterday I saw a link to a video that brought me to tears.  It was a fantastic account of how a person feels when they have been the target of bullies.  I will end my blog post today with that video.  The fact is, names do hurt...

Assessment of School "N"

Just in case you read this and have the urge to kidnap our children, I have decided to call our neighborhood school "N" for "neighborhood".

On Valentine's Day we went for a tour of our neighborhood public school.  I was glad the Ladybugs could come along, especially Zoe.  She had been a victim of teasing last week multiple times, due to her response of where she was going to school in the fall.  We were already heartbroken over loosing our school home of the last four years, but my soul was crushed when I read the email from her teacher.  I am completely confident Zoe's teacher did her best to redirect the conversation when it centered around the topic of schools.  However, Zoe came home very hurt and expressed her concern that her classroom friends did not accept she would be attending a different school than many.  Actually ALL the children in her classroom (besides one other) said they were going to attend a certain Lutheran school together, even though a few families have yet to make up their minds.  The students suggested Zoe come home and tell us we needed to send her to their school, because if she didn't come the friendships would all be messed up.

I let Zoe spend Thursday at home.  She had a canine pulled at the dentist on Wednesday evening, as directed by her orthodontist, and a treatment by a dermatologist for a skin condition.  Between the two procedures and the level of teasing on Wednesday, I decided Thursday was a good day to just be together.  So Evie, Zoe and I decorated heart cookies and had tea with their cousin, Emma.  Then we picked up Jim and all went down the street to our neighborhood school.

School "N" was pretty much a small public elementary school.  I say this, because it reminds me A LOT of my elementary school - just on a smaller scale.  The principal was enthusiastic and extremely welcoming.  She gave us a brief overall of the curriculum and then took us on a tour of the school.

My personal favorite part was the fact the art room had its own kiln.  This means pottery lessons for the kids!  So exciting!  The school is a small elementary, with one class per grade in most cases.  This was reassuring, as our girls are not familiar with large classes of children nor a large school.  We met many of the teaching staff on our tour, and they were all young and seemed very friendly.  The computer lab is getting all new computers in the next couple months and the rooms are all equipped with Promethean Boards.

Zoe seemed to be engaged in the tour, and was happy with the choice when we were done.  She especially loved the idea of hot lunch EVERY day.  The principal assured us the school is a small community of close families and students.  When she found out Zoe and Eva missed their Valentine's parties, she had them come into her office and filled their arms with goodies to share.  It was completely unexpected, but also completely warm. She is Christian, gave up candy for Lent, and was happy to give the candy to the girls.  Jim and I walked away knowing it was a solid choice for our girls to attend.  As the school's leader, the principal definitely put forward her kind and caring spirit.  It was definitely a bonus in the long run.

I know our girls will miss the friendships they have made at their current school, and the relationships with the staff and families involved with running our school.  I also know they love to sing at chapel every Monday morning, learn about Jesus, and pray for their loved ones during class time each day.  Going to a public school does not allow for these special things they have come to love.  However, we have begun a daily Bible study this Lent, which has us discussing the footsteps of Jesus to the cross.  If we decide to send our girls to school "N", I would like to have a daily Bible study at the home for them to look forward each day.  

So here is the assessment results:

SCHOOL "N"

Pros
Free (already paid in city taxes)
Within Walking distance (literally a block away)
Technology is Current and Taught
Focus on the Arts (kiln located in classroom)
Very kind and Welcoming Principal
Small Building/Small Enrollment
Community of Families

Cons
Non-Christian
Larger Class Sizes (average around 23 per class/grade)

Pour Those Opinions On Me

...am I the only one singing now?

Jim and I were talking last night about how people always seem to have an opinion, especially when it comes to child rearing.

This whole decision of where to send our Ladybugs in the fall has definitely been one of heartache and prayer; one of argument and laughter; one of bewilderment and helplessness.  However, unlike "where will you send your child to preschool," or "where will they go for college?" we are faced with a decision that pulls us away from what we know and to what our children are comfortable.

I have been ill this week with a cold/sinus infection.  Evie came down with the same illness Monday while at school.  However, the community of staff and parents has been so kind.  Just knowing they are there for my girls and for me puts my heart and mind at ease.  I will miss the relationships made - maybe more than anything else.

I also see a trend with parents.  Because some families left last our school family last summer to go to another school, it seems many of our current families are planning on going there as well for the fall.  I understand their need to feel a part of a community, like I mentioned above.  It is always easier to "fit in" when you know people.  But I think the most interesting opinions I've received lately are about my choices for my girls.

An Explanation of Sorts...An Open Letter
Having a blog opens my heart and mind to whomever is interested in reading.  I'd like to say my skin is thick and negative feedback simply rolls off my back.  But the truth is, sometimes, on very few occasions, I take to heart what people say regarding my opinions.  Empathy can be a wonderful trait, but it also can be extremely exhausting.

That being said, I have had many comments lately about my choices for schooling (some on Facebook, some in emails, and some in person), and I feel it important to address these questions and concerns publicly   Not because I enjoy to stand on a soapbox, but rather because I find it easier to accurately describe myself in the written word rather than try to form my words on the spot.

It is true, reader, I grew up in the public schools.  I am not afraid of them, nor do I see the evil that lurks in them (as many concerned parents have shared with me).  I do not think poor behavior and the evils of Satan (smoking, drugs, fornication, etc.) run rapid in public schools.  In fact, I did not even know people were drinking at parties until I was in 12th grade.  Why?  Because I was not ever invited to those parties.  I was not part of that crowd of students.  And interestingly enough, most of the heaviest party-goers I knew came from the many K-8 Catholic schools in our city.  Those private school girls were also quick to smoke, and became part of the "burn-out" group as well.

If you notice, I did not lump Lutheran school girls into that group, mostly because 99% of the Lutheran school graduates I know went to a Lutheran High School in the area.  I am not suggesting that Lutheran children are exempt from the "evils," I just believe that many of the families like to see their children continue with private high school when they are completed with the 8th grade.

I have been told that Christian Schools teach Bible stories and I was incorrect with my "doctrine" verbiage.  Actually, yes many teach from the Bible.  However, by 3rd grade Lutheran and Catholic schools teach Catechism (which is doctrine based).  Remember, I grew up a Lutheran and got kicked out of Catechism twice.  I am all too aware of the narrow-mindedness of some teachings and I cannot overlook that.

I find it interesting that one would question my desire to visit a public school, when I believe my girls could be His light at the school.  Yes, there is no Bible taught in public schools.  Yes, there is a mixture of faiths.  And yes, my children would be at a non-Christ-centered school for 35 hours a week.  I completely understand how unsettling that could seem to some (many more than I had anticipated to be honest).  I do understand the concern that "reprogramming" would have to happen after those numerous hours without teachings of the Lord.  But isn't God in our hearts all day, everywhere, no matter what?

On the other hand, many private schools do not require you to sign a form that your family is Christian nor attends a Christian church.  I have Muslim piano students who are planning to attend a Catholic school in fall.  I cannot imagine they will change their faith for the school.  I also know children who attend a Lutheran school who not only are not Lutheran, but their father is Agnostic.  They do a lot of "deprogramming" at home regarding the teachings of the Bible (neither parent believes the Bible to be true).  The point is: even if the school is teaching a Christ-focused education, there are other children who are not Christians who will attend.  And some children will have parents who are not God fearing nor believe in the Bible.  And couldn't they influence my children just as easily as a non-Christian at a public school?

In fact, I believe a solid family foundation is key to a child's treatment of others AND how they view schooling in general.  Yes, I grew up in the public schools, but I have always been kind to others and my love of the Lord may have faltered at a couple of points, but it had absolutely nothing to do with public schools. I believe we all have our opinions, and it is often difficult to contain them - especially when we want to do right by our children.  But rather than try to change my opinions, maybe we could all accept that our current community is no longer going to be the same.  We will be going our different ways, but we all have one thing in common: WE LOVE THE LORD!

And that should be enough to move forward in harmony.

More Thoughts on Schools

If you are interested in viewing other blogs about this topic, please click here: School Stuff.

Another Snow Day
Yes, today we "celebrated" our second snow day of the school year.  However, this time I was not jumping for joy.  Why?  Because the snow day prevented me from having the school tour and principal interview at our local elementary school.  I tend to be a person who is open to signs from above.  Could this have been a sign that the school is not going to work for us?

Jim and I have made a couple of decisions regarding school.  We have placed Homeschooling by a Professional as our #1 choice, followed by public school (either our neighborhood school or our school of choice).  Our #1 choice does prove to be a questionable one, because in order for the program to take off there needs to have approximately 8 students.  I have been praying that other like-minded families come to the same conclusion as we have for our Ladybugs.

Homeschooling will allow my girls to continue to be a part of a small classroom of children, Christ-focused, and free to be themselves.  Both our girls are very unique, and these unique characteristics have been fostered at there current school.  Yesterday Zoe wore a 30 year old dress that was based on the style of Little House on the Prairie.  No one found this to be different or weird, in fact a few thought it to be cool.

Waiting Game
So I suppose the fall is a waiting game.  I was hoping to walk into our neighborhood school today and breathe a sigh of relief.  I wanted to feel okay with it as a second option.  Apparently I will have to wait until later this month.  And for those of you who know me, this is definitely a lesson in patience.

One School Vs. Another (part 3)

...or What is the Big Difference Between Private and Public Schools (and what about Homeschooling)?

Part 3

This post is part of a series you can read here: Part 1, Part 2.

Schooling from the Home
When I was growing up I never heard of families homeschooling their children. I do remember a child breaking a leg (or something like that) and having a teacher come to his home to tutor him.  Basically the child was out of school for a month and did his work at home with his mom and the help of a tutor.  But the first time I heard about homeschooling was when I had my music studio business many years ago.

Many of the families at the studio were homeschooling their children.  Some of the children were very socially awkward, but there were two families who completely opened my eyes to the brilliant possibilities of homeschooling.  Both families were very active in groups of other homeschooled children, and their children were extremely well adjusted and academically amazing.  

One family in particular sticks out as being (what I would consider) the poster family for homeschooling: The Crombez Family.  Their three daughters have excelled and bloomed in the homeschooling environment.  on occasion the girls would attend a traditional school for "specials", but they always came back to their home learning.  I really think homeschooling can be a fabulous way of educating your child, IF you do it right.  And just like in private schools or public schools, everything is determined by the teacher.  In homeschooling that teacher is YOU.

Me as the Teacher

And even though I do see the benefits of homeschooling, I do not believe I could live up to the family I hold as the poster family.  I know, I know, this is not a reason for not homeschooling, but for me it truly is.  I cannot imagine having the energy to provide my girls with the proper education they deserve.  I also feel my personality and Zoebug's personality are not conducive to working together.  

However, I recently became aware of certified teachers who work with students in a "one room schoolhouse" atmosphere, and get paid to homeschool.  The one I am in contact with also adds the Bible to the curriculum.  To me, this seems perfect.  My girls would be together, and with a group of other children around their ages.  They would get the benefits of homeschooling, without ME being the teacher.  I would still have control of what curriculum is taught, but I would not have to execute the instruction.  

So here are the Pros and Cons of Homeschooling as I see them:

Pros

Smaller class sizes

Freedom to learn 

Less time spent doing "classwork" 

More time for unique learning experiences

Focus on students' individual needs/learning 

Christian focused (for our professional homeschool teacher experience)

Ability to have influence and choice in curriculum my children learn

Cons

Tuition and book fees (for our professional homeschool teacher experience) 

Team Sports

Music/Art/Foreign Language/Physical Education outlets must be found in addition

One School Vs. Another (part 2)

...or What is the Big Difference Between Private and Public Schools (and what about Homeschooling)?

Part 2

In case you are interested in reading Part 1 click HERE.

So What About Private Schools

Our family has spent the last four years at a very special private Christian school in our community.  I say special because there are elements of traditional private schools that are not apparent in our school.  

There are three basic types of private schools: faith-based schools, Montessori schools and corporate owed charter schools.  Faith based schools are usually affiliated and run by a church, the charter schools are intended for a higher level of education than the public schools offered in the area, and Montessori schools are based on the research of Maria Montessori.  

Faith-Based Schools

I have researched Catholic schools, Lutheran schools, Baptist schools, and Evangelical Christian schools.  All have dress codes and I would say 99% make students wear uniforms.  All faith-based schools have tuition.  Most are around $6000-$7000 per elementary student; some cost more and some cost less.  In most cases there are additional fees for testing, books, etc.  However, I have yet to find a faith-based school that is tuition free.

My issue surrounding most faith-based schools is how the Bible is taught.  We were very privileged to have our Ladybugs attend a school in which they are taught to be free thinkers where the Bible is concerned.  They learn to ask Christ into their hearts, and they are simply taught how to be a Christian and what a Christian looks like.  They are not taught doctrine, catechism, or specific information skewed by one sect or another.  I do not like the idea of a church, priest or Christian organization running the school, and unfortunately this is the norm of faith-based schools in our area.  

I would rather maintain a Christian environment at home and have my children go to a non faith-based school than have my children learn doctrine that I have to un-teach daily.  I have heard the Christian naysayers who claim the time spent at a non-faith-based school each week (approximately 40 hours) will undo all the Christian teaching we do at home.  I completely respect this point of view, however, I believe it is child and family specific.  I like to think my children could be a representation of His light in a school with children who may not know Him.  Maybe that is me being naive, but this is my viewpoint.

Charter Schools

Charter schools tend to be tuition free, which is a nice perk, but they are not always the better school in the city/district.  I came across a lot of research on our local charter schools that did not make me want to run to register the Ladybugs.  The charter schools in our area tend to focus on our multicultural community.  Many cater to the needs of our Muslim community.  The children are taught the basics and also taught about their culture.  I do not see this working for our family. 

Montessori Schools

I know quite a few families who love the Montessori schools in our area.  Most are not tuition free, and one is a public school which has both facets of a public school and a Montessori school.  I do like the idea of mixed aged classrooms and student directed learning.  However, I believe that our girls would not benefit from a school like this.  Zoe has so many anxieties and I know she would be comparing herself to the other children, and stressing about not excelling as high as another student.  Evie would simply not care if she didn't move forward in an activity.  She would rather create and spend the day with art than anything else.

Due to the fact we are not interested in the Charter Schools or Montessori Schools in our area, I have decided to do the Pros and Cons list of ONLY Faith-Based Schools.

Pros

Christ centered

Smaller class sizes

Comfortable/familiar environment

Caring environment

Cons

Uniforms

Tuition

A sizable drive to school

In many cases teachers do not need to be certified

Church/Priest run schools

One School Vs. Another (part 1)

...or What is the Big Difference Between Private and Public Schools (and what about Homeschooling)?

Part 1

I never had to drive in a school bus, and neither will my girls.

To be perfectly honest, I have been thinking about schooling a lot lately.  I am NOT over exaggerating either, I sincerely need a break from my brain from residing in education world.  But I have come to a higher level question: what exactly is the difference between a public school, a private school and homeschooling?

Let's Begin with Public School
I have never had a visceral issue with the public school system.  I am a product of the public school system, and I do not feel I had a poor education.  My parents were public school teachers, and my grandfather a principal.  Jim, the Ladybugs and I are privileged to live in a city with an above average public school system, which also just so happens to be where I grew up.  I am a researcher by nature, so I have seen the test scores, and I'm not thrilled with our neighborhood school.  But I also hate standardized tests, so I definitely feel it is essential to meet with the principal and take a tour of the school.

While considering public schools as an option for the Ladybugs this fall, it is completely impossible to not think about my childhood.  I always say that we remember the best and the worst in our lives, and teachers are no exception.  I must say that I can remember vividly the bullying, the nasty piers, the Girl Scout meetings and trips, the piano lessons and the bad teachers.

There was the gym teacher in junior high who taught American History and told us that BC was Before Christ and AD was After Death, instead of Anno Domini (the year of our Lord).  Then there was my fourth grade teacher who said I was the "ring leader" in a class-wide cheating ring.  I had an ex-nun in nine grade as an Algebra teacher who was extremely mean and made fun of students, and an English teacher senior year who marked my paper wrong when I wrote "dawn" instead of "morning".  I also had a music teacher in junior high who carried a bottle of alcohol in his briefcase and another music teacher in high school who told me I was a selfish and spoiled rotten bitch.  But this was over 13 years of schooling with approximately 70 or more teachers in all.

I remember instances in which my parents complained to the principals or when my father accompanied me to a school board meeting.  But overall my education was wonderful, and I remember teachers who worked extremely hard at their job.  My Kindergarten teacher, Miss Wetmore was and still is one of my heroes.  Therefore, I believe it was never the school, but the teachers who determined whether or not I was learning.

This being said, I want to discuss my views of our public schools.

I believe in education for everyone, not just the privileged.  Choosing to send our Ladybugs to a private school was never because we felt elite, it was because we felt called there.  It felt right.  But rumors and hearsay can definitely scare a person from sending children to a public school.  What exactly could my children learn?

One of the big issues of public schools is the quality of education.  Some cities are poor and therefore their public services are weak.  Our city is a product of our current economy, as many of the families work (or used to work) for the automotive industry.  There are wealthier neighborhoods and there are poorer, working class neighborhoods in the city.  The neighborhood schools are a direct reflection of the quality of individuals living in said neighborhood.  That being said, we do not live in the poorest neighborhood, rather a "middle of the road" one.

Currently public schools in our state have different requirements for teachers then when I was attending schools (I graduated from high school twenty years ago).  Teachers are no longer able to teach subjects that aren't their major (or minor in some cases).  Therefore, clueless gym teacher from my childhood would NEVER be able to teach an American History class nowadays.  Historians have also created BCE and CE in recent years, maybe to stop the confusion of clueless people.  There are also many rules in place for bullying in schools; for students as well as teachers.  Teachers swearing at students or calling them names would NEVER get by anymore.

The List
I have decided to make a list of PROS and CONS for each option were are researching.  Here is my list for Public Schools (using our neighborhood school as the choice at this point).

PROS

• Close Proximity (within walking distance) 
• Free
• Band/Choir/Art
• Neighborhood children attend
• Certified Teachers
• After School Programs
• Our Tax $ being used
• Variety of ethnic backgrounds

CONS

• Lower test scores
• Larger class sizes
• Emphasis on standardized tests
• Children from all different economic backgrounds
• non-Bible or Christ focused