Last year at this time I was spending a lot of quality time with Ray. At this point he was doing well in rehab, and we were discussing how he could come home for Christmas (if just for a visit). Quickly this situation turned grave. But it is almost incomprehensible that a year has passed me by. I am completely mystified how I have been able to survive the last few years, and 2014 especially. If I didn't have pictures to show the various activities our family has experienced, I would have told you it was still 2013.
In the last couple of weeks I have spent time going through photos and updating the Ladybug's blog:
The Martin Ladybugs
I took pictures, so I know I was there physically. However, I just don't remember much. I don't remember what we ate for Thanksgiving dinner last year, nor Christmas Eve and Christmas, nor what I did between January and summer. It's like I was going through motions, but not exactly making connections. I have a lot of memories of summer, and watching the girls swim and learn how to do strokes properly. But then there was a month of pure hell that I'm not sure how I made it out the other side without killing someone.
The flood of 2014 was not a simple day or five project. It uprooted our whole existence for a month. I could not practice for a wedding to which I was singing/playing without squeezing into the bathroom/laundry area and working on the music. I was unable to teach private piano and voice lessons the first week of the school year, because the basement was completely torn up. And these are just two of the many problems we encountered. Many items were lost in the water, and so much clean up had to be done. It seemed as if it would never be done, and yet here I am on the other side of the mountain. How did I manage to get here?
I also managed to help my mother clear our more than 60 years of "stuff" from Ray's house. If you are interested: Placing Significance on Insignificant Stuff
Then in the midst of all of this, we had lice AND hand-foot-and-mouth disease. Fortunately it was only the ladybugs who got the lice (I may have gone off the deep end if I also had them), but unfortunately I also got the hand-foot and mouth. You would think ONE plague would be enough, but no, we had TWO. And between Jim and I, we have also had enough blood work, procedures, and doctor's visits to last a lifetime. Good news is that we both are mostly healthy, and neither needs surgery.
I do not wish to sound cynical, but this has been quite the shitty year for us; figuratively and literally. For starters, we had sewage in our basement when it flooded. Then I just wrote a check for Jim's procedures, and Maggie (our beautiful dog) was found to have two kinds of intestinal worms. We have also seen Zoe returning to some more anxious behavior, and now have been able to attribute it to her digestive system out of whack. She is on her vitamins again, and things are moving along nicely (physically and emotionally). But the shit is there. And it is after a few pretty shitty years for Jim and I and our little family. However, I am confident that at some point the clouds will lift and we will live in the light for at least a short while. Of course that is before something else crazy happens.
Somehow, someway, I have clawed my way through this last year. I appreciate those who have clung onto me while I was at my worst. It is through love that I have persevered, and it is through love in which I will enter 2015. I thank you all for reading.
