The Picture Box

My favorite summer memory actually spanned over the course of many summers.  It all started when I was seven years old

I loved spending time with my mother's parents: Grandma and Grandpa Riske.  Summer visits were always peppered with many long talks on the front porch while consuming numerous Cheez-its and bottles of Coke-a-Cola.  Sometimes we would sit next to an oscillating fan playing rousing games of gin rummy.  But other times, if I truly begged, I was allowed to look at the picture box.

The picture box was from J. L. Hudson's.  There was always such anticipation as I slowly removed the white cardboard top with the fancy green "H".  Upon lifting the lid, I would find many photographs:  Daguerreotypes, tintypes, carte de visites and more - snapshots of my relatives.  I would pick up each picture, hold it, and ask my grandparents to share the story of the person or people in it. No matter how many times I heard the wonderful stories of years gone by, I would sit and listen for hours.  The most amazing thing was how my grandparents never ceased to tell me the stories.

I especially enjoyed making up my own names and events for the mysterious people of my past.  Oftentimes, I hoped that if I stared long enough the stoic subjects would crack a smile.  Such a different time, but such a true experience of history and family.

Every summer (and sometimes during the school year) I journeyed back in time with the picture box.  In fact, I continued the tradition throughout my childhood and into my adult years.  It has been over 10 years since my grandma passed away, and the same amount of time that I have not opened the picture box.  I suppose I cannot imagine experiencing the past without her present.  However, this year I plan to share the tradition that began 30 years ago: I am going to bring out the picture box and make summer memories with my own girls.

Free To Be

As my oldest ladybug danced in a green and orange monster mask this morning singing and playing a ukulele, I reflected on what Memorial Day means to us.  Zoe's heartfelt composition, "Rock and Roll Monster," not only made me laugh, but it brought home the true meaning of this holiday.  Memorial Day is a day to reflect on those men and woman who have served and sacrificed so that my unique family is free to be. 

For many, Memorial Day signifies the start of summer.  As for me, I started my summer schedule of teaching on Friday.  This means: no teaching on Fridays, Saturdays and Tuesdays until after Labor Day!  It is definitely an odd sense of being - I felt oh so lazy on Saturday.  But these three months are my time to reclaim full-time Mommy status and spend time educating and loving my ladybugs.

This summer (which technically begins in our home on June 9th) my ladybugs will continue with Karate, and each day we will spend time on education.  Reading, writing and math will be part of our daily schedule; as well as science and history (museums, art, playing, etc.).  I want my ladybugs to know that what they have learned in school is important in every day life.  I will also be reviewing piano with Zoe and starting piano lessons with Evie.  I am very happy they have both decided to play.  But I realize that it isn't just desire to play - it is the discipline of practicing every day that is the key.

I also have lost a bit more weight.  I'm close to 17 pounds now - I really look forward to hitting under 200 lbs.  I went back to the doctors on Thursday.  Even with the weight loss, he increased my blood pressure meds from 10/12.5 to 20/25.  Honestly, I have noticed that I'm not as bloated with the increased diuretics.  Hate that feeling of puffiness.  I hope to be able to wear my wedding ring starting again in September.  It was September 2010 when I took the ring off, and I feel weird without it.  However, after having to have my grandmother's ring cut from my finger, I just became very wary of wearing the other one.

I have also made myself a deal: 199 or less and I will get a nose piercing.  Okay, I know, a stupid and childish thing to do, but I have wanted a nose piercing now for 10 years.  We will see if this happens; not necessarily the weight loss, but the nose piercing might have to wait.

Have a safe and thoughtful Memorial Day everyone.

Bittersweet Bonnie Blog

Bonnie stopped by yesterday, which was really bizarre since I was writing about her earlier.  She hadn't stopped over in a couple months, and I was very happy to see her.  When the Jehovah Witnesses go door to door they bring someone with them, and most of my visits with Bonnie included other Witnesses.  The last few times I have seen her she has been alone.  However, since quitting her day job (she worked at Greenfield Village most recently) Bonnie has become a full-time pioneer.  A full-time pioneer means you witness 5 days or more per week for 40 hours or more.

Now that Bonnie is a pioneer, she has many new Bible study students.  She proudly spoke about them, and I found myself wondering if she was hoping I would be jealous of these new "recruits".  I told her I was proud of all that she has done, especially finding new students.  When we were studying regularly, Bonnie only had one other student.  She wished for more - and I am very happy she got her wish.

As I have written in my last few blogs about her (BONNIE), Bonnie seems to be in a hurry when she says "hi" and gives me the newest publications.  However, to remedy that from happening I invited her and Lori in to sit down.  Lori was always my favorite guest of Bonnie.  I was passed a copy of the publications and then Bonnie read a few scriptures referring to the publication articles.  The May Watchtower is about religion and politics and if they should mix.  The obvious answer is: no.  But of course Bonnie wanted to quiz me to see if I remember when Jesus began to reign as king (1914) and when the Earth would be reborn (a generation from that).  She always bragged that I was such a good student.  I even joked that I relearned all the books of the Bible this year, due to Zoe's Bible curriculum.  Bonnie seemed impressed, and it was during those few moments when I felt connected to her once again.

The connection did not last for long, because she chimed in with the same Witness-to-World conversation.  The Witnesses have the truth, and every other religion (no matter what branch) does not.  Bonnie knows that I am tied to this "system of things" as the Witnesses call it.  I love our Earth, and I love holidays and celebrations with my people.  I also like to be reminded that I am a Christian, thus I proudly have a cross "stained glass window" on my front window Evie made.

Regardless of her beliefs, Bonnie refuses to let me parish in the inevitable end of this system of things.  Her hope is that I return to a weekly Bible study with her.  In the past she has mentioned my children as getting to "come along for the ride" if I had a pure heart and was a true believer (i.e. follower of the Witnesses).  But yesterday was probably the nastiest and blunt that she ever has been about her beliefs.  Bonnie was reading about how she is not out there to convert me, but rather to show me what the Bible is really saying (not of course what others interpret it to say).  She informed me that she recently learned (from the elders no doubt) that a generation is around 100 years give or take.  So that with 2014 so close at hand, we need to be prepared for Armageddon.  Then she curtly stated, "...and I would hate to see your beautiful little girls not make it to see the new Earth."

At that point, I felt that our relationship had completely turned the wrong corner.  Yes, I was happy to see her, but no, I am not going to be strong-armed into returning to a Bible study with her.  I know that the Witnesses are trained in how to act at home visits.  How do I know this?  Well because I went to her Kingdom Hall on a couple occasions.  They reenact different situations for the Witnesses to learn and comment.  The training seems to promote a lot of conversation about the end times.  This focus on the end times is probably the biggest reason I could no longer engage in a Bible study with Bonnie.  I realize that there will be an end, because there was a beginning.  But to live my life always thinking about the end only contributes to my anxieties and stress.

When Bonnie left I had an "aha" moment; as I really do not need to see her anymore.  I might miss her friendship, but our friendship seems to be in conjunction to a Bible study.  This was very clear the last time we met up for lunch and Bonnie skirted out of there as soon as she finished eating.  She also "broke up" with me on a phone message last summer.  I realize now that I am part of "the world" - Satan's world.  She is not shunning me, but she also is not going to be part of my life if I cannot succumb back to her truth.

I sincerely hope that I am able to make heads or tails of this relationship as I continue to mesh out my story about her.

Thoughts On Being Bullied

Every night before bed, the ladybugs want a story about when Daddy or Mommy were little.  Jim actually started this tradition, because frankly he has quite the stories about his youth.  I have such a hard time coming up with ideas, not so much because I don't have memories but because my memories are filtered through the eyes of one who was bullied.

It is no surprise to you, reader, that I was bullied as a child.  I've made references to this fact on many occasions through the years of blogging.  However, even the act of writing "bullied" makes my heart begin to race.  It is very apparent that the bullying I encountered years ago colored the facets of the woman I am today. It is completely impossible for me to talk about the activities I was in without having unhappy images flash through my mind.  One would think that sharing stories of my youth would not bring up such images, but maybe this is completely normal.

I am not oblivious to the "eat or be eaten" mentality of children.  We all know that you are either the bully or you are the one getting bullied.  And one who is getting bullied can easily deflect the process by being a bully him/herself.  Sad, but true.

I was the kid that couldn't understand why other children behaved so rotten to each other.  I was always feeling sorry for the downtrodden and the kid that was stuck inside for recess because his desk was a mess. I found myself having no problem staying in to help - because even then I sensed that some people are just messy.  It is not their fault.  Anyway, my empathetic behavior was quite odd (I do realize this) and it only fueled the flames of bullying behavior from my peers.  Subsequently I had a really difficult time making (and keeping) friends.

My sister never had friend issues growing up.  Was it because her friends weren't mean to each other?  No. But my sister wanted to fit in, and in her defense she chose decent people to fit in with.  However, some of those kids were the same ones who bullied me.  Even though my sister stood up for me, she seemed to be oblivious to her group of friends berating others.  She has since found making and keep friends difficult.  For me it has always been this way - for her, not so much.  My crust is thick; hers is getting there.

Since my sister is in her 30s, you can deduce I am speaking about adults bringing on the bullying.  I think one of the saddest things is that bullying does not end in youth.  You can almost understand why a child who is ignorant of the world would be prone to picking on what he/she doesn't understand.  However, the children who were bullies in school more than not continue their path of bullying as adults.  We all know about the "good 'ol boys club" in the work place, but I think more often then not moms provide the script for many bullying scenes.  Are you surprised I say "moms"?  Then obviously you are either a) not a mom, or b) a mom of an infant or c) a bully yourself.

Zoe's birth seven years ago was a true turning point in my life.  I had left my music business and took time off after her birth to just be a mom.  I really lost my identity and thus decided to attend a new mom's group at the hospital where I had given birth.  There were a ton of moms at the meeting, but more then that there were moms discussing many topics of contention: diapers, feeding, and sleep patterns.  A baby doesn't "do" much, so you can only discuss those topics which fit your child.

Anyway, I could sense the bullying right away in the conversations happening simultaneously.  A mom who uses disposable diapers?  She will ruin the environment!  How can you breast feed?  You will never be alone again.  You use cloth diapers?  Why would you want to spend all that time washing them?  You use formula?  Seriously?  That is just junk food for your baby!

I only came to a few meetings.  I must say that I am only friendly with one of the women from that group - and by friendly I mean Facebook.  I did suffer form some depression after having Zoe, and the moms group only fueled my pain.  I struggled to see the point of having friendships that were essentially breeding grounds for moms with low self esteem to bully other moms with low self esteem.

The point is this: we are all different.  We all come from different backgrounds with a multitude of experiences that shape us.  There is no such thing as, one size fits all...or one size fits most.  We need to be secure in ourselves and our decisions; regardless of what someone else tells us (or tries to shove down our throats).  I agree that this is easier written (or said) than believed.  I struggle constantly with whether my decisions are good for my family.  However, I would rather concern myself for what works for us than how others perceive my decisions.

Hope in a Nutshell

Four weeks ago I made the hopeful decision to lose 100 pounds.  This is still a very lofty goal, but I'm proud to state that I have lost almost 16 of the 100 (15.8 to be exact).

During the four weeks, I learned some things:

• I need to have at least 1 cup of coffee a day (not black either).  Well, maybe 2 is the appropriate answer.  Said coffee needs to be with soy milk.  Not a lot, mind you, but enough to make the color change to a lighter brown.
• I really don't like working out, but I do enjoy walking around Greenfield Village (which is a 2 mile walk if you do it right).
• I get heartburn from brownies.  I know, right?  I used to get a lot of heartburn before this program.  I did not eat a lot of brownies before, but I did take a lot of heartburn medicine.  Since starting I have not needed the medicine; that was until Saturday night when I ate a big brownie.  It was so tasty, but I suppose I'll just eat a tootsie roll when I need chocolate again.  Oh well.  I love tootsie rolls.
• Bread smells like sugar.
• The bakery section of the supermarket makes my stomach lurch. 
• I really like my new face cream: Hope in a Jar by Philosophy
• I can still make crock-pot meals (which I think are really easy) on days I teach lessons in the evenings; they are healthier options, but tasty just the same.
• I do not, in any shape or form like kale (not even baked into chips).
• I do not like flax seed, flax meal, or anything remotely flax oriented.
• My knee does not need surgery - in fact, it is just getting old.  So after an injection of cortisone, I have been told to exercise and lose weight.  Okay.
• I have my first crown in my mouth.  Currently it is temporary, but it is my crowning achievement to focus more on the health of my teeth as well as my overall body.

As the school year comes to a close, I am hopeful to do more outdoor physical activity this summer.  I really hope that I can return to teaching in the fall a healthier person.

Dinner making awaits.

Lord, I Want to Be Like Jesus in My Heart

This week's news made me smile?  Why?  Because two very different, but very controversial stories hit the news media.

The first one was President Barack Obama's comment about supporting gay marriage.  Since I am a Christian, and my girls goto a Christian school, I have a variety of radical thinking Christian friends.  What I always find interesting is how the Bible is quoted to judge another person's viewpoint.  You can sit on your high horse or stand on your soapbox and quote every scripture to support you ideals.  Yes, there are plenty of scriptures on homosexuality.  But the one I wish Christians would use more often it:

Romans 2:23 (which was a Bible verse Zoe had to learn in Kindergarten, by the way)
"..for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.."

So if we have all sinned, is there one sin greater than another?  No.  I believe Jesus (to whom the Christian faith is attributed) would be appalled at the judgmental behavior exhibited by his so called, "followers".  This of course does not, in any way shape or form, prohibit individuals from having their own opinions.  That's what makes this country so freakin' great.  Yes, reader, I said FREAKIN'!  We can all have our own interpretations, we can all have our own opinions of what God's word meant in the scriptures.  

However, Barak Obama is a human being.  He has sinned, just like me - just like you.  He is not the first President to believe in the idea of same sex marriage - but we never heard about it.  I also think Obama's timing of the statement has more to do with the election that his own personal views.  Whether or not you agree with his moral standing, it is rather immature and incentive to berate your Facebook friends publicly.  Of course Facebook does tend to allow everyone to feel their view(s) are important.    

Look, I don't care if you don't vote for him - or if you hate him even.  That is YOUR prerogative.  But the one thing I think it is important to remember is: as a Christian, we have asked Jesus into our hearts.  Negative thoughts and feelings only jeopardize how others see us.  We must be loving - loving our neighbor, especially the ones who are difficult to love.  I can only imagine how that negative, judgmental behavior is perceived by non-Christians.  

I sincerely hope that in the words of Jesus Christ, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."  (John 8:7b)

Spice of Life

Our society is inundated with a plethora of diets, from quick solutions to long term ones.  There are plans that make one count calories (or fiber, fat, etc.), plans that make one purchase pre-made food (even if the food is natural shakes), and plans that require monthly fees.  But my question: which one is the best? could never be given a definitive answer.  Unless, of course, one would say, "the diet that best works for you."

In my humble opinion, a healthy program does not do the following:
1) Make one pay a monthly fee
2) Make one buy pre-made food
3) Have other products to enhance the plan (i.e. supplements, microwave meals, prepackaged extras, etc.), which are marketed as "must haves".
4) Suggest there is a "one-size-fits-all" mentality

I had a great laugh with a very sweet mom at Zoe's ballet class yesterday.  She stated that Family Fun magazine is the only magazine that doesn't make her feel like she needs to lose weight, or redecorate, or have a makeover.  It is simply a FUN magazine.  And I couldn't agree more.  Speaking of MORE, I recently became aware of a magazine MORE.  I have a current subscription.  It is mostly a fashion magazine with articles for 40-something women.  The May 2012 edition had an article called, "What to do Now to Be Healthy in 20 Years."  There were three anti-aging tactics, which basically suggested getting more exercise (the RIGHT kind of exercise), feeding one's aging brain, and eating more foods that "may" fend off chronic diseases.

Some of my favorite pointers were:
*Step Away From the Doughnut
*Drink Up
and
*Find a Purpose in Life

Then there were categories of food that seemed awfully familiar to the categories in the Digest Diet.  However, the article was mainly focused on foods that were rich in anti-oxidants.  My favorite category was spices.  I never realized the powerful effect of adding spices to food until I read the Digest Diet.  So the article in MORE was not new to me, but I was glad to see the list highlighted in a different source.

I find the spices category hilarious.  When I was growing up we were not a spice family.  Ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, and onions were about as far as we went with our condiments.  Of course salt and pepper were also on the table, but it wasn't until Jim and I started dating that I truly new the possibilities of herbs and spices.  As much as Progresso Italian bread crumbs make my favorite chicken (along with stove top stuffing), they really don't constitute as spices.  And now that I am married to Jim, I cannot tell you how much I crave Indian food with hot spices or Mexican with a kick.  Anyway, here are the two lists.

Digest Diet - Fat Releaser Seasonings
*Basil
*Black Pepper
*Cayenne Pepper
*Celery Seeds
*Chili Peppers
*Cinnamon
*Garlic
*Marjoram
*Oregano
*Onion
*Parsley
*Red Pepper Flakes
*Rosemary
*Scallion
*Thyme

MORE Magazine - Antioxidant Seasonings
*Basil
*Black Pepper
*Cinnamon
*Chile
*Cloves
*Ginger
*Mustard Seed
*Oregano
*Paprika
*Tumeric

The point is: spice up your lives people!  Tee hee!

Chocolate Milk and Croissants

Today I need to write.  Why?  Because I feel emotionally exhausted.  My healthy eating is going well, I'm exercising almost every day, and I feel pretty good.  So why the emotional stuff?  I tend to get like this when I make a change.  The current change?  My tuition rate and scheduling lessons for the fall.  I am confident about the change, but I'm just feeling a bit of guilt.  Rather than talking about THAT, I thought I would peruse through the Daily Spark and find a frivolous topic.

Topic #91: Chocolate Milk and Croissants
If you had to spend two weeks alone on a remote island and could choose only one kind of food and one kind of drink to take along, what would you choose?  Explain your rationale.

This statement is quite open to interpretations.  A "kind" of food could be Mexican, or Southwest Fusion, or Japanese.  However, I will limit my options to have only ONE item of food.  To eat the same food over and over and over, just as itself.  One could approach this question with choosing one's favorite food.  Many would say chocolate, or candy bars, or pie (of course you could only choose ONE kind of pie).

However, in my humble opinion, I think peanut butter is the best food possible.  Of course I would need it to be able to be eaten in many ways, so I would say Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches.  This way I could separate the bread and have two sandwiches, or I could lick the inside contents, or I could cook the sandwich over a fire for a dessert treat.  Yes, that is my food.

Now onto beverages.  If I were stranded on a remote island, I would most likely be surrounded by salt water.  In this case, drinking water would possibly be scarce.  So I think water would be my smartest choice of beverage.  Water is not my favorite drink.  My favorite would probably be sun tea or bourbon.  However, I don't really think alcoholic beverages would be sufficient in the tropics.  I'll stick with water.

There is another way to interpret the question.  There is nothing that states I am alone on this remote island.  I might be with a group of others who also could only bring one food.  In that case, I will stick with my drink selection: water.  However, I might need something tastier to trade for another person's provisions.  In that case I would choose roasted chicken.  Roasted chicken would work well if another person brought dessert or even if they brought peanut butter.  A Thai peanut chicken would be very tasty.

As much as I wish I could get away for awhile, I don't really care to escape to a remote island.  Nor do I hope to be all alone.  I believe to "get away from it all" truly means to get away from the daily grind.  Get away from schedules: school, work, homework, lessons, etc.  Get away from phones, and emails, and facebook and TVs.  Just get away.

What would be YOUR food and beverage choices?