After almost two months, I have lost approximately .334 pounds of undesired fat per day. HA! I know, a bit over the top. But honestly it's fun to see where I started and where I currently am. Not every day is a glowing success, but I am definitely finding my health groove.
I have continued with 3 classes a week at Elements of Exercise (Monday, Wednesday, Friday mornings) and 1 evening class at a local pool (Thursday). I have planned on attending a Saturday morning class for the last two weeks, but I am just not motivated to go to bed early on Friday night. I would rather spend a bit more time with my husband watching what we've taped on our DVR. So I think I've made a good trade.
One thing I have eliminated from my morning supplements is my daily 1 TBS of apple cider vinegar. No, not because it tastes bitter and horrible, but because I started to get horrible acne on my shoulders, chest, back and arms. However, most of the research that I read online stated positive acne results when apple cider vinegar was used daily.
I definitely cannot claim that I never have ever had acne on my body, but after a month of the Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar I was really having problems. I stopped a week ago, and my acne is all about gone. I also do not notice a change in my anxiety (i.e. I am having problems with anxiety from eliminating the vinegar). So in my humble opinion, my body does not like the TBS of vinegar. I will simply save the vinegar for my salad dressings. I did find THIS SITE, which talks about why vinegar doesn't really help acne.
I am still enjoying my ability to fit into the smaller size of clothing (I also brought out my large tops and packed the XLs away), and I have more energy and am very positive I can lose another 22 pounds by the new year. I really want to see 199 before January 1st, 2012. Just a small goal, but a huge step in the right direction for me.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
The walls of trust
One of the most challenging aspects of technology is determining when to use it and when it is more appropriate to utilize another method of communication. I am a proponent of blogs, Facebook and the Internet to share information and interesting quips. However, I also am skeptical of how people use the information that is shared.
Last week I experienced betrayal of the technology kind, and I must say I was very taken aback by the behavior AND I have also become very cautious to whom I share information.
My oldest daughter, Zoe, has been experiencing difficulties with transitioning from Kindergarten to 1st Grade. It became apparent after our cat, Mia, passed a couple weeks ago. Zoe cries when I drop her off to school in the morning. I am not worried at all, because when I pick Evie up after preschool I peek in at Zoe and she is perfectly engrossed in her daily work. Her teacher, who I absolutely love, assures me that Zoe stops crying within a minute or two of my leaving.
However, last Tuesday morning around 10:45am I received a call from the school. It was Zoe's teacher letting me know that Zoe seemed to be sick. She was doing a lot of blowing of her nose, and she wasn't acting like her usual self. So reluctantly I picked her up. I didn't think she looked sick, but her nose was plugged due to her allergies. I brought her home, took her temperature, gave her sudafed and ibuprofen, and asked her what the REAL problem was. Zoe started crying and admitted that she just wanted to be home with Evie and me.
I took a deep breath and told her to spend some time in her bedroom while I prayed about how to handle her behavior. I decided to keep her home, do the work her teacher sent, and prevent her from any fun activities (TV, playing outside, etc.). She also was to apologize to her teacher. I was flabbergasted, so I stupidly posted this on my Facebook status:
After calming her down a bit, I found out that one of her boy friends was teasing her and calling her a liar and a faker. The rest of her classmates heard him, and Zoe was hysterically embarrassed. She couldn't understand how he knew. I knew how he knew: his mom read my post from the day before and somehow shared it with her son. I say "somehow," because I don't want to assume how or why she told him, nor do I think it was done maliciously. Zoe and I shared her bullying experience with her teacher, and I left to go home. Zoe came home after school sharing that said boy had a behavior card sent home. I do believe the teacher appropriately handled it.
That being said, I felt horrible that I shared information on my daughter to only be thrown back in her face the following day. She already felt guilty about lying to come home, and she was facing the truth in her heart as it was. Then she had to deal with teasing from her piers as a result of my Facebook post.
Another friend of Zoe's also teased her that day about going home from school; interestingly enough her mom is also a Facebook friend. However, this friend and Zoe are best friends so Zoe didn't tattle on her. At least that is my observation. Zoe did state that she was reassured a few others were still her friends, and that made my heart smile for her. I had such friend issues in school (especially grade school), that I oftentimes project my hurt on her situations. Not verbally, but internally.
At this point, I have no intention of approaching the mother of the boy who started the teasing. Why? Mostly because I have no desire to start a dramatic situation. I should never have posted anything about Zoe on Facebook, that was in my control. The mom cannot control her child's behavior at school. Therefore, I will simply let this one pass.
However, I have learned a lesson from this event: never ever post personal things on Facebook.
Last week I experienced betrayal of the technology kind, and I must say I was very taken aback by the behavior AND I have also become very cautious to whom I share information.
My oldest daughter, Zoe, has been experiencing difficulties with transitioning from Kindergarten to 1st Grade. It became apparent after our cat, Mia, passed a couple weeks ago. Zoe cries when I drop her off to school in the morning. I am not worried at all, because when I pick Evie up after preschool I peek in at Zoe and she is perfectly engrossed in her daily work. Her teacher, who I absolutely love, assures me that Zoe stops crying within a minute or two of my leaving.
However, last Tuesday morning around 10:45am I received a call from the school. It was Zoe's teacher letting me know that Zoe seemed to be sick. She was doing a lot of blowing of her nose, and she wasn't acting like her usual self. So reluctantly I picked her up. I didn't think she looked sick, but her nose was plugged due to her allergies. I brought her home, took her temperature, gave her sudafed and ibuprofen, and asked her what the REAL problem was. Zoe started crying and admitted that she just wanted to be home with Evie and me.
I took a deep breath and told her to spend some time in her bedroom while I prayed about how to handle her behavior. I decided to keep her home, do the work her teacher sent, and prevent her from any fun activities (TV, playing outside, etc.). She also was to apologize to her teacher. I was flabbergasted, so I stupidly posted this on my Facebook status:
Was called to pick Zoe girl up from school this morning. Granted she did have a stuffy nose (sudafed and ibuprofen quickly worked to clear that up), she also admitted wanting to be home with me and Evie. She feels really bad for lying, and plans on doing a bit of apologizing to her teacher tomorrow. 30 minutes after being home, she wanted to go back. She was informed this will not happen again.A few people commented, as oftentimes they do. And most were great supportive thoughts and suggestions. On Wednesday morning, one of our lovely rainy days here in Michigan lately, I took the ladybugs to school. The kids were in the atrium at the school, so I dropped Zoe off and took Evie into her class. After I left Evie, I saw Zoe walking down the hall to her classroom bawling. Not just crying, or tearing up (they way she was the day before)...but barely able to catch a breath.
After calming her down a bit, I found out that one of her boy friends was teasing her and calling her a liar and a faker. The rest of her classmates heard him, and Zoe was hysterically embarrassed. She couldn't understand how he knew. I knew how he knew: his mom read my post from the day before and somehow shared it with her son. I say "somehow," because I don't want to assume how or why she told him, nor do I think it was done maliciously. Zoe and I shared her bullying experience with her teacher, and I left to go home. Zoe came home after school sharing that said boy had a behavior card sent home. I do believe the teacher appropriately handled it.
That being said, I felt horrible that I shared information on my daughter to only be thrown back in her face the following day. She already felt guilty about lying to come home, and she was facing the truth in her heart as it was. Then she had to deal with teasing from her piers as a result of my Facebook post.
Another friend of Zoe's also teased her that day about going home from school; interestingly enough her mom is also a Facebook friend. However, this friend and Zoe are best friends so Zoe didn't tattle on her. At least that is my observation. Zoe did state that she was reassured a few others were still her friends, and that made my heart smile for her. I had such friend issues in school (especially grade school), that I oftentimes project my hurt on her situations. Not verbally, but internally.
At this point, I have no intention of approaching the mother of the boy who started the teasing. Why? Mostly because I have no desire to start a dramatic situation. I should never have posted anything about Zoe on Facebook, that was in my control. The mom cannot control her child's behavior at school. Therefore, I will simply let this one pass.
However, I have learned a lesson from this event: never ever post personal things on Facebook.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Night Road
Not too long in the recent past, I read a wonderful story called, Winter Garden.
Winter Garden immediately drew me in, and Kristin Hannah's writing style made me laugh and cry. My mother-in-law suggested I read Winter Garden, and at first I was a bit skeptical because there seems to be a happy ending syndrome to selections from her. But Winter Garden was different from her usual "you have to read this, Michelle" selection.
I don't want to give away any of the story, but I will tell you I did not see the twists and turns like I usually do with my mother-in-law's selections. If I start to describe the book I will give too much away. It was a super quick read for me, and a very cathartic ending.
So, when she brought over Night Road a couple weeks ago I was really excited to read it.
I don't care if you choose to pick this one up. Not because it was horrible - I finished reading it. But because it was nothing like Winter Garden. Two completely different stories, and it felt like two completely different writers. Now sometimes, as an author you want to illustrate your ability to convey various styles of writing. However, in this case, I was constantly saying, "really?"
Night Road is told from two points of view: Jude and Lexi. Jude is an over-bearing mom with twin high schoolers, Zach and Mia. Lexi befriends Mia and falls in love with Zach. Lexi is a product of a foster-care system. Her mother was a drunk and a drug addict. Lexi is from the "other side of the tracks" so-to-speak. The book skips and jumps a few times, and honestly it gave me virtual whip lash. The book spans 10 years in the lives of these characters, and I realize "stuff" must be cut out. However, I felt it left the reader disjointed.
The book was quite believable until the tragedy happens. SPOILER ALERT!!!
Lexi, Mia and Zack go to a senior party and on their way home are in a car accident. Lexi was driving, but it was Zack's car. Zack and Mia were completely wasted. Mia dies. Jude blames Lexi for killing her daughter. Zack blames himself. Lexi goes to prison for 65 months, because she refuses to plea not guilty, and Jude refuses to drop charges. In prison Lexi finds out she is pregnant with Zack's baby. She gives her parental rights to Zack, because she refuses the baby girl (which she calls Grace) to have the life she did. Zack's family is rich, so Lexi believes they will give her baby the "right" kind of life. Then Lexi gets out of prison after serving a 72 month sentence (she got in fights and such), and sees that her daughter, Grace, isn't happy. In a lovely turn of events Zack and Lexi reconnect and after 6 years of pain, Jude finally finds peace.
Yeah - the book pretty much sucked.
I don't want to give away any of the story, but I will tell you I did not see the twists and turns like I usually do with my mother-in-law's selections. If I start to describe the book I will give too much away. It was a super quick read for me, and a very cathartic ending.
So, when she brought over Night Road a couple weeks ago I was really excited to read it.
Night Road is told from two points of view: Jude and Lexi. Jude is an over-bearing mom with twin high schoolers, Zach and Mia. Lexi befriends Mia and falls in love with Zach. Lexi is a product of a foster-care system. Her mother was a drunk and a drug addict. Lexi is from the "other side of the tracks" so-to-speak. The book skips and jumps a few times, and honestly it gave me virtual whip lash. The book spans 10 years in the lives of these characters, and I realize "stuff" must be cut out. However, I felt it left the reader disjointed.
The book was quite believable until the tragedy happens. SPOILER ALERT!!!
Lexi, Mia and Zack go to a senior party and on their way home are in a car accident. Lexi was driving, but it was Zack's car. Zack and Mia were completely wasted. Mia dies. Jude blames Lexi for killing her daughter. Zack blames himself. Lexi goes to prison for 65 months, because she refuses to plea not guilty, and Jude refuses to drop charges. In prison Lexi finds out she is pregnant with Zack's baby. She gives her parental rights to Zack, because she refuses the baby girl (which she calls Grace) to have the life she did. Zack's family is rich, so Lexi believes they will give her baby the "right" kind of life. Then Lexi gets out of prison after serving a 72 month sentence (she got in fights and such), and sees that her daughter, Grace, isn't happy. In a lovely turn of events Zack and Lexi reconnect and after 6 years of pain, Jude finally finds peace.
Yeah - the book pretty much sucked.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Bad Rap for Rap
...and where the heck do the Jehovah Witnesses get their article quotes from?
Last Tuesday, Evie and I went to lunch with Bonnie at Panera. For those of my readers that don't know about Bonnie, you can click here: BONNIE
Months go by, but Bonnie never forgets to get the Jehovah Witness monthly publications in my hands. She was super excited to get the August Awake! to me, as there was a large section about music.
From other conversations I've had with Bonnie, I know that the Witnesses do not participate in band or choir at school, nor do they actively participate in worldly music programs (i.e. all extra curricular activities non-Witness related). It was approximately this time last year that I told Bonnie I wouldn't be who I am without music and the opportunities experienced because of my music education. Music allows me to commune with God, it centers me, and it has provided income throughout my life.
It was a discussion regarding music that ultimately ended our weekly Bible studies. I give Bonnie credit, she did try to pull the conversation back to other areas the devil influences, but I could not seem to get off the topic of music in a person's life. According to Bonnie, the Witnesses are not told WHAT to listen to (i.e. a certain artist or band) because that would be controlling. They are not controlled like other worldly Christian religions; which to me is so far from the truth.
Last evening I finally had the opportunity to read the four publications she gave me last week (two from August and two from September), and there were a few moments I couldn't stop laughing.
For those that are not aware, the Jehovah Witnesses publish two magazines for the general public each month: Awake! and The Watchtower. Both contain quotes from people of all ages, and simply state the person's name and age (e.g. Mark, 21). The quotes support the statements in the article, and quite often sound like an old man (or men) trying to be relevant to the topic. One quote that stood out last night was part of a larger story:
As in every aspect of life, music may contain suggestive content. However, I do not believe that music (or video games or movies) directly cause someone to do drugs or to act malicious towards other people.
But the hilarious fabricated quotes don't end there. Another example was in an article regarding the act of sharing information on the Internet:
And here is another one that makes me laugh even harder:
Schoolmates is such an old person term! Plus, maybe the "old schoolmates" have grown up and don't participate in the "bad stuff" they were involved with in high school. Is it really Christian behavior to exclude friends based on the past?
I am not stating that these quotes are impossible, I am merely suggesting the improbability of their validity. The truly sad thing here is: the Witnesses actually believe there are people writing/saying these quotable phrases. The brainwashing happens when the elders write these publications and want their flock to take heart at what is presented. Then the flock believes what is written; after all, why would their elders lie?
Not to be confused with many other crazy statements in their publications (CLICK HERE FOR THOSE), the Witnesses lose all serious consideration on my part when they add the extra quotes from common people.
On a sad note: Evie and I had a lovely lunch with Bonnie, which lasted only about 45 minutes. I had nowhere to be, but when Evie had to go to the bathroom Bonnie quickly said we should end our meeting at that point. She left very scattered and strangely. I know she loves Evie and I, but her faith is much stronger then our relationship.
In case you were wondering, reader, the Witnesses are not supposed to associate with those not part of the truth (i.e. another Witness) nor those not having an official Bible study. Their Bible studies aren't just door-to-door hang outs, they have to log the hours, the addresses, the names of those having a study, etc. It is very official, and our Panera lunch meeting could not have been counted as a true Bible study; a Bible was not even present. As much as Bonnie shines with the spirit, she must also be conflicted to have a daughter and friends that are not part of the truth. I know I am sad that we cannot have a "normal" relationship.
Last Tuesday, Evie and I went to lunch with Bonnie at Panera. For those of my readers that don't know about Bonnie, you can click here: BONNIE
Months go by, but Bonnie never forgets to get the Jehovah Witness monthly publications in my hands. She was super excited to get the August Awake! to me, as there was a large section about music.
From other conversations I've had with Bonnie, I know that the Witnesses do not participate in band or choir at school, nor do they actively participate in worldly music programs (i.e. all extra curricular activities non-Witness related). It was approximately this time last year that I told Bonnie I wouldn't be who I am without music and the opportunities experienced because of my music education. Music allows me to commune with God, it centers me, and it has provided income throughout my life.
It was a discussion regarding music that ultimately ended our weekly Bible studies. I give Bonnie credit, she did try to pull the conversation back to other areas the devil influences, but I could not seem to get off the topic of music in a person's life. According to Bonnie, the Witnesses are not told WHAT to listen to (i.e. a certain artist or band) because that would be controlling. They are not controlled like other worldly Christian religions; which to me is so far from the truth.
Last evening I finally had the opportunity to read the four publications she gave me last week (two from August and two from September), and there were a few moments I couldn't stop laughing.
For those that are not aware, the Jehovah Witnesses publish two magazines for the general public each month: Awake! and The Watchtower. Both contain quotes from people of all ages, and simply state the person's name and age (e.g. Mark, 21). The quotes support the statements in the article, and quite often sound like an old man (or men) trying to be relevant to the topic. One quote that stood out last night was part of a larger story:
"My teenage years were a blur of alcohol, drugs, and violence," says Ashley 24, "and the music that fueled it was heavy metal and rap. The profane, hate-filled lyrics and strong, driving beat made me feel powerful. The music also connected me to my drug-taking friends. Rappers and heavy-metal bands were our mentors and heroes."Personally I know more drug users that listened to The Beatles and Pink Floyd then P Diddy and Anthrax. In my opinion the above quote could not have been written by a 24 year-old. It is obviously an attempt from a Witness elder to sound hip. Here is the last part of the story:
Why I Made Changes - Awake! August 2011 page 7
"Today, years later, I still feel drawn to heavy metal and rap. So I avoid them as if they were addictive drugs. Now I enjoy many other kinds of music, including ballads, easy rock, and some classical. But the best thing is that I am in control."Jim laughed as he read the end of the story and said, "Easy rock? What is that?" I laughed, and then replied that it probably includes songs from Hall and Oats, Huey Lewis and the News or Air Supply. None are very current...and none are rock. After a bit of research I found this compilation CD:
As in every aspect of life, music may contain suggestive content. However, I do not believe that music (or video games or movies) directly cause someone to do drugs or to act malicious towards other people.
But the hilarious fabricated quotes don't end there. Another example was in an article regarding the act of sharing information on the Internet:
"A Christian elder spoke to me about my profile picture," Kate 21 says, "and I was grateful. I knew that he wanted to protect my reputation."I would be completely shocked if elders are actually looking at the profiles of their flock. Maybe they are, but I cannot imagine feeling grateful that a church elder told me to clean up my profile pic.
What Should I Know About Social Networking? - Awake! August 2011 page 11
And here is another one that makes me laugh even harder:
"I've had requests from old schoolmates to become their networking friend. But I did my best in school to avoid that particular crowd; why would I want to be part of it now?" - Alex, 21.
Schoolmates is such an old person term! Plus, maybe the "old schoolmates" have grown up and don't participate in the "bad stuff" they were involved with in high school. Is it really Christian behavior to exclude friends based on the past?
I am not stating that these quotes are impossible, I am merely suggesting the improbability of their validity. The truly sad thing here is: the Witnesses actually believe there are people writing/saying these quotable phrases. The brainwashing happens when the elders write these publications and want their flock to take heart at what is presented. Then the flock believes what is written; after all, why would their elders lie?
Not to be confused with many other crazy statements in their publications (CLICK HERE FOR THOSE), the Witnesses lose all serious consideration on my part when they add the extra quotes from common people.
On a sad note: Evie and I had a lovely lunch with Bonnie, which lasted only about 45 minutes. I had nowhere to be, but when Evie had to go to the bathroom Bonnie quickly said we should end our meeting at that point. She left very scattered and strangely. I know she loves Evie and I, but her faith is much stronger then our relationship.
In case you were wondering, reader, the Witnesses are not supposed to associate with those not part of the truth (i.e. another Witness) nor those not having an official Bible study. Their Bible studies aren't just door-to-door hang outs, they have to log the hours, the addresses, the names of those having a study, etc. It is very official, and our Panera lunch meeting could not have been counted as a true Bible study; a Bible was not even present. As much as Bonnie shines with the spirit, she must also be conflicted to have a daughter and friends that are not part of the truth. I know I am sad that we cannot have a "normal" relationship.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Time to Vote
Readers,
I have an opportunity to enter my writing in a Children's Poetry Contest. There is no fee to enter, and I have the chance to win $500 and publication in Children's Writer.
Specifications:
Submit a single poem, collection of poems, or verse story for children of any age, to 300 words. Entries may be serious or humorous, and take any poetic form. Winners will be selected based on quality of verse - including rhythm, meter, word choice, wordplay, imagery, and the use of other poetic devices. Above all, the winning entries will have appeal for young readers.
My story, The Tra La La Tree, is too long (over 500 words in total). However, I have written other children's poetry. Here is a blog entry that contains the poems I am considering: BLOG
So, here are my questions:
1) One poem or collection?
2) If only one poem, which?
3) If collection, what should I call it?
I have an opportunity to enter my writing in a Children's Poetry Contest. There is no fee to enter, and I have the chance to win $500 and publication in Children's Writer.
Specifications:
Submit a single poem, collection of poems, or verse story for children of any age, to 300 words. Entries may be serious or humorous, and take any poetic form. Winners will be selected based on quality of verse - including rhythm, meter, word choice, wordplay, imagery, and the use of other poetic devices. Above all, the winning entries will have appeal for young readers.
My story, The Tra La La Tree, is too long (over 500 words in total). However, I have written other children's poetry. Here is a blog entry that contains the poems I am considering: BLOG
So, here are my questions:
1) One poem or collection?
2) If only one poem, which?
3) If collection, what should I call it?
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
A strange case for an obituary
If you are an animal lover as I, having an animal obituary is not all that strange. After all, most pets become a member of the family; securing a place of honor in hearts and homes.
I must admit, that if you asked me 13 years ago if I was a cat person I would have emphatically answered: no. That was before Misty was adopted. Fast forward three years and Mia enters into my heart via her owner, Jim.
The first year Mia was in my life there wasn't much of a relationship. She spent most of her time under our bed; only seeing a different view when she ate her breakfast and dinner. It was very upsetting, but she continued to thrive. We hoped she would come out of her shell...literally.
When Jim and I moved into our current home almost nine years ago, Mia became a much more sociable animal. It was then she secured a very special place in my heart. By the time I was pregnant with Zoe, Mia spent many hours lying on my belly. I pet her and she purred the baby inside me to sleep. Many early morning hours were spent establishing a close relationship between me and Mia.
Mia purred her way into the ladybugs' hearts as well, and she was always receptive for a pet from my students or their family members. I honestly think she waited at the top of the basement stairs listening for her favorite students: those who pet and loved her. Mia let the girls carry her like a baby, dress her, and brush her with a human hairbrush.
Mia was a one-in-a-million cat...
Yeah, I know many will say this about their special pet. However, I have never met a cat who was so willing to be loved. I have owned quite a few animals in my lifetime. Until Misty, I never thought I would be a cat person. However, Mia secured those emotions. So much so, I don't think another cat will ever be able to replace her in my heart or our home.
Mia entered her peaceful slumber this afternoon, after blood tests showed a very grave condition caused by kidney failure. I must respect death, for Mia was 17 people years and 119 kitty years. That is a full life. She had a full life.
But I still yearn to hold her again.
I must admit, that if you asked me 13 years ago if I was a cat person I would have emphatically answered: no. That was before Misty was adopted. Fast forward three years and Mia enters into my heart via her owner, Jim.
The first year Mia was in my life there wasn't much of a relationship. She spent most of her time under our bed; only seeing a different view when she ate her breakfast and dinner. It was very upsetting, but she continued to thrive. We hoped she would come out of her shell...literally.
When Jim and I moved into our current home almost nine years ago, Mia became a much more sociable animal. It was then she secured a very special place in my heart. By the time I was pregnant with Zoe, Mia spent many hours lying on my belly. I pet her and she purred the baby inside me to sleep. Many early morning hours were spent establishing a close relationship between me and Mia.
Mia purred her way into the ladybugs' hearts as well, and she was always receptive for a pet from my students or their family members. I honestly think she waited at the top of the basement stairs listening for her favorite students: those who pet and loved her. Mia let the girls carry her like a baby, dress her, and brush her with a human hairbrush.
Mia was a one-in-a-million cat...
Yeah, I know many will say this about their special pet. However, I have never met a cat who was so willing to be loved. I have owned quite a few animals in my lifetime. Until Misty, I never thought I would be a cat person. However, Mia secured those emotions. So much so, I don't think another cat will ever be able to replace her in my heart or our home.
Mia entered her peaceful slumber this afternoon, after blood tests showed a very grave condition caused by kidney failure. I must respect death, for Mia was 17 people years and 119 kitty years. That is a full life. She had a full life.
But I still yearn to hold her again.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Like an old friend
Today begins week 7 of my body transformation journey. I am pleased with the results so far.
Over the weekend I dug out my size 16 pants to see if I could squeeze my butt into them. And guess what?! I can! I currently have on a pair of cords that are definitely falling apart (from wear) but I just love them. And most people will tell you that their favorite pair of pants (jeans, etc.) are like an old friend: welcomed and a bit worn from time.
I also begun a new class this morning at 6am. Yes, I exercised from 6 until 7am on a Monday morning. The class is called R.I.P.P.E.D. Each letter stands for something. You can learn more about it here: CLICK. I was a bit afraid that I wouldn't be able to complete the training. But I did, and I really didn't have a problem staying with the class.
Tomorrow also completes my personal training with Kara. I am sad to go, because it means I have to be motivated to continue what I have started. But I know my weekly schedule will bring results and keep me motivated. I am also looking forward to seeing the changes in my measurements from August 1st.
My weekly exercise plan is this: I will take R.I.P.P.E.D on Monday mornings, walk on Tuesday mornings, Zumba on Wednesday mornings, walk on Thursday mornings, Aqua Zumba on Thursday evenings, Zumba Tone on Friday mornings, and Kettle Bell on Saturday mornings (hopefully this class works and I can do it before teaching starts). Hopefully between R.I.P.P.E.D and Kettle Bell I will be able to push my body beyond my comfort zone.
I am really looking forward to seeing 199 or less...at 225, that number is attainable.
Over the weekend I dug out my size 16 pants to see if I could squeeze my butt into them. And guess what?! I can! I currently have on a pair of cords that are definitely falling apart (from wear) but I just love them. And most people will tell you that their favorite pair of pants (jeans, etc.) are like an old friend: welcomed and a bit worn from time.
I also begun a new class this morning at 6am. Yes, I exercised from 6 until 7am on a Monday morning. The class is called R.I.P.P.E.D. Each letter stands for something. You can learn more about it here: CLICK. I was a bit afraid that I wouldn't be able to complete the training. But I did, and I really didn't have a problem staying with the class.
Tomorrow also completes my personal training with Kara. I am sad to go, because it means I have to be motivated to continue what I have started. But I know my weekly schedule will bring results and keep me motivated. I am also looking forward to seeing the changes in my measurements from August 1st.
My weekly exercise plan is this: I will take R.I.P.P.E.D on Monday mornings, walk on Tuesday mornings, Zumba on Wednesday mornings, walk on Thursday mornings, Aqua Zumba on Thursday evenings, Zumba Tone on Friday mornings, and Kettle Bell on Saturday mornings (hopefully this class works and I can do it before teaching starts). Hopefully between R.I.P.P.E.D and Kettle Bell I will be able to push my body beyond my comfort zone.
I am really looking forward to seeing 199 or less...at 225, that number is attainable.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Another School Year Begins
The school year officially started for me on Tuesday, when I began teaching at 4pm. I have upped my student load this year, adding Monday to the week. So I will be teaching Monday afternoon and evening, Tuesday afternoon and evening and Saturday all day (morning and afternoon).
I find that when I am teaching, I am in my element. I get excited perusing the Internet for new music to give to students. Like this gem for instance:
I do love Audra McDonald. In fact, Audra was one of my name choices when I was pregnant with Evie. I thought I had a "Z" child (Zoe) it would be neat to have an "A" child. However, I decided on a numbering system (3-9). Each girl has 3 letters in her name (ZOE/EVA), the names both mean life (Zoe: Life/Eva: Life Giving), and the girls have middle names that are family names and 9 letters a piece (Elizabeth/Margarite). I changed Eva's to fit the system, and so it was easy to spell. Yeah, I gave my girls names that they could sound out.
I have a strict weekly schedule that includes my exercise, teaching, school for the ladybugs, and extra curricular activities for them as well. It is what I consider to be a well-oiled machine. I am really glad I am organized!
I find that when I am teaching, I am in my element. I get excited perusing the Internet for new music to give to students. Like this gem for instance:
I do love Audra McDonald. In fact, Audra was one of my name choices when I was pregnant with Evie. I thought I had a "Z" child (Zoe) it would be neat to have an "A" child. However, I decided on a numbering system (3-9). Each girl has 3 letters in her name (ZOE/EVA), the names both mean life (Zoe: Life/Eva: Life Giving), and the girls have middle names that are family names and 9 letters a piece (Elizabeth/Margarite). I changed Eva's to fit the system, and so it was easy to spell. Yeah, I gave my girls names that they could sound out.
I have a strict weekly schedule that includes my exercise, teaching, school for the ladybugs, and extra curricular activities for them as well. It is what I consider to be a well-oiled machine. I am really glad I am organized!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Regaining my Life
"Shake it girls," sang Lourdes, my Zumba instructor. As I started shimmying around in a circle, I caught my reflection in the wall length mirror. "Who is that uncoordinated woman?" I thought smugly to myself. "I look fantastic compared to her," I reassured my sweating self. I smiled, spun around, and again the mirror caught my eye. "Holy cow! That bloated buffoon is ME!"
The above was my moment of clarity. My "aha" moment. The epiphany I needed beyond a doubt. Where had I been the last three years of my life? Why did I look like this? How could I have ignored the changes that happened to my once thinner body? The one thing I did know: I was so glad I had decided to change my way of life starting on August 1st.
Three summers ago, I weighed 147 pounds. At 5'6" tall, I had a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI) of 23.7. I was a mommy of Zoe and Eva, a wife, a teacher, and a VERY anxious woman. This was the summer my oldest, Zoe, was rushed to the emergency room not able to breathe. Seeing your child purple, lying on your kitchen floor can make any person freak. But my anxieties became impossible to live with. Each day I would have numerous panic attacks and each day I would pray my babies would avoid any and all illness.
The fact was this: I needed help. I went to my general practitioner for a full blood workup. The results showed I was simply a normal 33 year old with social anxieties. My doctor prescribed Paxil 10mg daily. This amount quickly was raised to 20mg. I also took Xanex throughout the week. Yeah, I was really messed up emotionally. However, my husband, Jim, felt that I was so much calmer. I wasn't screaming all the time. I was happier.
As the years passed, my weight quickly rose. A year ago, I knew the size of my pants (18W) was not my standard 8 anymore. I didn't think I looked so bad, honestly. But I did want to fit in some clothing that was too tight. So, I decided to join our local city center. I also got on the scale and saw that I weighed somewhere in the 230s. I wish I could tell you the exact number, but I wasn't concerned about the number on the scale at the time. I really didn't care.
The center has a great exercise area, a myriad of classes and a drop off day care for the little ones. So each weekday morning at 9am I went (already showered and make-up I might add) and spent 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. Then I did a sequence of lifting on the machines. I thought this should work to lose the pant sizes. But I only lost 5 pounds and nothing more. I must add that I wasn't eating any different. And while working out on the elliptical machine I read; books, magazines, facebook posts were all a part of my reading pleasure.
Then in December, on a hike to the Kindergarten Christmas party, I fell and seriously injured my knee. No more working out. I did a lot of sitting. I also did a lot of pill popping (i.e. pain killers), and alcohol helped drown out the pain as well. Thus began my nightly nightcap of whiskey on the rocks.
February brought arthroscopic knee surgery, and months of physical therapy. I thought I was being healthy, doing physical therapy three times a week. Of course I wasn't losing any weight, if anything I was gaining weight.
I had my yearly physical with my doctor in March. I told him that I was having issues with my body and over-eating. I estimated my weight at 220, but the nurse never had me get on the scale. My doctor gave me an appetite suppressant, because he said Paxil does not have calories. He clearly stated, "Paxil is not making you fat." Did the suppressant work? Nope. Not at all. And it was $40 per month supply. Not cool! He even asked if I was depressed. I didn't think so. But he would have easily increased my dosage of Paxil if I had asked.
A week after my doctor's appointment, I decided that I was going to fit into the smaller clothing again. I also figured the diet suppressant would need a diet boost, so I joined Weight Watchers online. I was in the 230s (like last summer). By Mothers Day I had lost a bit of weight. But I was so unmotivated and not exercising at all: Blog on WW. My pants didn't feel smaller, and I didn't notice a change in my cravings or my desires to drink alcohol. My "points" were all spent at the end of the day on alcoholic beverages. This Weight Watchers experience was a definite spiral into depression and worse anxiety than I had ever experienced.
During the rest of the spring, I was unhappy with my appearance. I thought maybe I needed to go see a dermatologist to combat my adult acne. I made an appointment, and started on a daily skincare regimen. In a few weeks I noticed a significant difference in my skin. However, this still did not help my depression, nor my negative body image.
I was also growing out my hair, due to my desire to have hair that pulls in a ponytail. So there was practically no style to my locks, and my color was looking quite grey and lackluster. Through the lovely social network of Facebook, I found that my friend, Debbie, was working at a new salon: Salon E at Elements of Exercise. I needed something to boost my confidence, so I set up a cut and color, manicure, and pedicure. A full morning of beauty.
While I was in the chair getting my color done, Melissa came in to get some coffee. She was super friendly, and talked to Debbie about the classes at Elements. I explained my physical issues (i.e. my knee injury and surgery), and she said that I should try the classes there. The first one is free. She brought me a ton of information, and I thanked her. After my make-over was complete (I did feel a bit better), I did a lot of research on Elements of Exercise and noticed that they offered Personal Training and nutrition advice. I made the call.
When I stepped on scale Monday, August 1st I was rather horrified to see the number was 241.4. This number was almost 95 pounds more than I weighed 3 years ago! A BMI of 39! Holy crap! But when I looked in the mirror I didn't see a 240 pound woman. I didn't look that big.
Kara, my personal trainer, was very kind and motivating. She gave me a meal plan and helped me establish what I could do to get stronger each day. By the end of the first week, Jim and I were getting a myriad of vitamins and minerals suggested in This is Why You're Fat, by Jackie Warner. And by the end of week two, I had eliminated one Paxil dose per day. I was only taking 10mgs each morning with the other vitamins and supplements.
The Zumba class, as illustrated above, was exactly one week after I stopped taking the two doses of Paxil. Was the drug making me think I was thinner? Was the drug making me eat more? Drink more? Not care? I believe I had the reverse of anorexia. Since anorexia makes you see your body as fat even though you are thin, I was seeing my body as a bit heavier than 3 years ago and ignoring that I was almost 100 pounds heavier!
I began to do some research on Paxil. This is one of the reasons I love the internet! Research at your fingertips.
According to Rxlist.com, the side effects of Paxil are:
Serious side effects:
I started wondering if Paxil (albeit non-caloric) could actually cause my body to work against losing weight. After all, I was working out and eating super healthy now; if Paxil would prevent my body from working correctly I needed to know A.S.A.P.
The following I found while googling "paxil and weight gain."
Why You Gain Weight with Paxil
(taken from http://www.join-the-fun.com/paxil-and-weight-gain.html)
Paxil, like the other drugs in its class, can impede specific enzymes in your liver that allow your metabolism to function correctly. Much like crimping a garden hose impedes the flow of water through it; so paxil and other SSRI's impede certain neuroendocrine system pathways. The two major hormones that regulate metabolism are insulin and leptin. Insulin works mostly within each individual cell, while leptin works between cells. Leptin regulates blood sugar through two different pathways. One controls appetite and fat storage, while the other is responsible for telling the liver what to do with its stored glucose. The fat-cell derived hormone leptin may be the key to weight gain, with or without taking paxil. As a chemical messenger, leptin tells your brain how fat you are, among other things. Leptin causes you to eat less, and it also increases the amount of energy you use (your metabolism). Therefore, it may be one of the most important factors in determining your weight. (Interestingly enough, leptin also functions as a guide for the body in determing when the time is right to reproduce, which may offer a clue as to why so many on antidepressants lose their sex drive!) The alteration of leptin (such as by taking paxil) has been shown to directly cause weight gain for some people.
Okay, so now I know that the liver cleanse I take each morning will help with this, but why didn't my doctor tell me anything about this?
Don't get me wrong. I truly love my doctor. I have known him now for over 25 years. He has been a great help with my kidney issues, my throat infections as a kid, and the staff there is stellar. But he is a doctor of medicine and eliminating symptoms, rather than a doctor of finding and eliminating the source of the problem.
Of course Paxil doesn't have calories. That is pretty obvious. It's not like I am eating a candy bar each time I put one in my mouth. However, if Paxil messes with the liver AND it causes people to crave food and/or alcoholic beverages that is almost worse than if it did contain calories. Yes, that one alcoholic beverage each night before bed, became two or three a night...every night. I wasn't getting drunk. In fact, I wasn't feeling anything...
I found the following post from a forum on www.paxilprogress.org:
Hello
This is my first time posting to this forum. Actually, this is my first time posting to any forum!
I am in the very early stages of gradually weaning myself from Paxil. I have been on it for ten years. I feel like I am coming out of a dream -- suddenly so many strange things that have happened over the past ten years are starting to make sense.
The most dramatic, however, is the realization that I think that Paxil actually made me a compulsive drinker. I remember speaking to a psychiatrist once about a woman he knew who became a "red wine junkie" while on Paxil. It sort of hit a nerve with me at the time because I was drinking a lot, but I sort of blew it off.
Anyway, while on Paxil, I felt as though I couln't control the compulsion to have another and another and another drink once I had one or two. I didn't necessarily drink often, but when I did it was in a very compulsive way -- almost like bingeing.
Since I have begun to wean myself from this medicine I am noticing a profound difference -- I no longer feel the compulsion to drink in this way. Sunday night I was at a concert and had one beer. Last night at dinner with my sister I had one glass of wine. Normally that would have started a fixation in my head with having another beer/glass of wine and would have continued far into the night.
I thought I was becoming an alcoholic. Maybe I am -- I am still trying to figure it out. All I know is that it was very hard to control my drinking while on this med and now I feel free from its grip.
There were other things I did obsessively while on the higher dose -- play solitaire for extremely long periods of time on the computer while at work, chain smoke and do 7-8 crossword puzzles at a time. All the while shutting the world out and not really noticing that I was doing it. Some friends have pointed it out to me over the years, but I didn't really see that my behavior was so out of the ordinary.
I also went on spending binges and have huge credit card debt.
I am curious if anyone has experienced similar things -- any kind of compulsive behaviors that seemed related to the Paxil.
I'd love your input.
Thanks!
Glams (9/14/2004)
There is more on this thread, and if you are so inclined you can continue reading at: PaxilProgress.
I must state that I believe Paxil effectively took away my anxieties regarding my children. I did stop worrying about unrealistic illnesses and strange ways they could die. But the thing is: would I have taken Paxil if I had known I would gain 95 pounds? No. I probably would have gone to a therapist and maybe gone on another SSRI, or maybe nothing at all.
Who knows what I would have decided to do? One thing is for certain: I am getting off this PaxHell as soon as possible. Who knows what else I have done (or not done) in the fog of paxil?
One thing is for sure: I am taking back my life. I am in a healthy marriage, my children are blessings to me, I am writing again, I am composing music, and I am moving forward without the need of Paxil to get me through the day. Having anxieties is just who I am. It is what makes me Michelle. I have accepted this, rather than desire the opportunity to change this fact. I will continue to pursue a life without chemicals and unnatural substances, and with the grace of God I will succeed.
The above was my moment of clarity. My "aha" moment. The epiphany I needed beyond a doubt. Where had I been the last three years of my life? Why did I look like this? How could I have ignored the changes that happened to my once thinner body? The one thing I did know: I was so glad I had decided to change my way of life starting on August 1st.
Three summers ago, I weighed 147 pounds. At 5'6" tall, I had a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI) of 23.7. I was a mommy of Zoe and Eva, a wife, a teacher, and a VERY anxious woman. This was the summer my oldest, Zoe, was rushed to the emergency room not able to breathe. Seeing your child purple, lying on your kitchen floor can make any person freak. But my anxieties became impossible to live with. Each day I would have numerous panic attacks and each day I would pray my babies would avoid any and all illness.
The fact was this: I needed help. I went to my general practitioner for a full blood workup. The results showed I was simply a normal 33 year old with social anxieties. My doctor prescribed Paxil 10mg daily. This amount quickly was raised to 20mg. I also took Xanex throughout the week. Yeah, I was really messed up emotionally. However, my husband, Jim, felt that I was so much calmer. I wasn't screaming all the time. I was happier.
As the years passed, my weight quickly rose. A year ago, I knew the size of my pants (18W) was not my standard 8 anymore. I didn't think I looked so bad, honestly. But I did want to fit in some clothing that was too tight. So, I decided to join our local city center. I also got on the scale and saw that I weighed somewhere in the 230s. I wish I could tell you the exact number, but I wasn't concerned about the number on the scale at the time. I really didn't care.
The center has a great exercise area, a myriad of classes and a drop off day care for the little ones. So each weekday morning at 9am I went (already showered and make-up I might add) and spent 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. Then I did a sequence of lifting on the machines. I thought this should work to lose the pant sizes. But I only lost 5 pounds and nothing more. I must add that I wasn't eating any different. And while working out on the elliptical machine I read; books, magazines, facebook posts were all a part of my reading pleasure.
Then in December, on a hike to the Kindergarten Christmas party, I fell and seriously injured my knee. No more working out. I did a lot of sitting. I also did a lot of pill popping (i.e. pain killers), and alcohol helped drown out the pain as well. Thus began my nightly nightcap of whiskey on the rocks.
February brought arthroscopic knee surgery, and months of physical therapy. I thought I was being healthy, doing physical therapy three times a week. Of course I wasn't losing any weight, if anything I was gaining weight.
I had my yearly physical with my doctor in March. I told him that I was having issues with my body and over-eating. I estimated my weight at 220, but the nurse never had me get on the scale. My doctor gave me an appetite suppressant, because he said Paxil does not have calories. He clearly stated, "Paxil is not making you fat." Did the suppressant work? Nope. Not at all. And it was $40 per month supply. Not cool! He even asked if I was depressed. I didn't think so. But he would have easily increased my dosage of Paxil if I had asked.
A week after my doctor's appointment, I decided that I was going to fit into the smaller clothing again. I also figured the diet suppressant would need a diet boost, so I joined Weight Watchers online. I was in the 230s (like last summer). By Mothers Day I had lost a bit of weight. But I was so unmotivated and not exercising at all: Blog on WW. My pants didn't feel smaller, and I didn't notice a change in my cravings or my desires to drink alcohol. My "points" were all spent at the end of the day on alcoholic beverages. This Weight Watchers experience was a definite spiral into depression and worse anxiety than I had ever experienced.
During the rest of the spring, I was unhappy with my appearance. I thought maybe I needed to go see a dermatologist to combat my adult acne. I made an appointment, and started on a daily skincare regimen. In a few weeks I noticed a significant difference in my skin. However, this still did not help my depression, nor my negative body image.
I was also growing out my hair, due to my desire to have hair that pulls in a ponytail. So there was practically no style to my locks, and my color was looking quite grey and lackluster. Through the lovely social network of Facebook, I found that my friend, Debbie, was working at a new salon: Salon E at Elements of Exercise. I needed something to boost my confidence, so I set up a cut and color, manicure, and pedicure. A full morning of beauty.
While I was in the chair getting my color done, Melissa came in to get some coffee. She was super friendly, and talked to Debbie about the classes at Elements. I explained my physical issues (i.e. my knee injury and surgery), and she said that I should try the classes there. The first one is free. She brought me a ton of information, and I thanked her. After my make-over was complete (I did feel a bit better), I did a lot of research on Elements of Exercise and noticed that they offered Personal Training and nutrition advice. I made the call.
When I stepped on scale Monday, August 1st I was rather horrified to see the number was 241.4. This number was almost 95 pounds more than I weighed 3 years ago! A BMI of 39! Holy crap! But when I looked in the mirror I didn't see a 240 pound woman. I didn't look that big.
Kara, my personal trainer, was very kind and motivating. She gave me a meal plan and helped me establish what I could do to get stronger each day. By the end of the first week, Jim and I were getting a myriad of vitamins and minerals suggested in This is Why You're Fat, by Jackie Warner. And by the end of week two, I had eliminated one Paxil dose per day. I was only taking 10mgs each morning with the other vitamins and supplements.
The Zumba class, as illustrated above, was exactly one week after I stopped taking the two doses of Paxil. Was the drug making me think I was thinner? Was the drug making me eat more? Drink more? Not care? I believe I had the reverse of anorexia. Since anorexia makes you see your body as fat even though you are thin, I was seeing my body as a bit heavier than 3 years ago and ignoring that I was almost 100 pounds heavier!
I began to do some research on Paxil. This is one of the reasons I love the internet! Research at your fingertips.
According to Rxlist.com, the side effects of Paxil are:
Serious side effects:
- easy bruising or bleeding (such as a nosebleed);
- very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors, overactive reflexes;
- nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, loss of appetite, feeling unsteady, loss of coordination; or
- headache, trouble concentrating, memory problems, weakness, confusion, hallucinations, fainting, seizure, shallow breathing or breathing that stops.
- feeling nervous;
- drowsiness, dizziness;
- sleep problems (insomnia);
- mild nausea, constipation;
- weight changes;
- decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm; or
- dry mouth, yawning, or ringing in your ears.
I started wondering if Paxil (albeit non-caloric) could actually cause my body to work against losing weight. After all, I was working out and eating super healthy now; if Paxil would prevent my body from working correctly I needed to know A.S.A.P.
The following I found while googling "paxil and weight gain."
Why You Gain Weight with Paxil
(taken from http://www.join-the-fun.com/paxil-and-weight-gain.html)
Paxil, like the other drugs in its class, can impede specific enzymes in your liver that allow your metabolism to function correctly. Much like crimping a garden hose impedes the flow of water through it; so paxil and other SSRI's impede certain neuroendocrine system pathways. The two major hormones that regulate metabolism are insulin and leptin. Insulin works mostly within each individual cell, while leptin works between cells. Leptin regulates blood sugar through two different pathways. One controls appetite and fat storage, while the other is responsible for telling the liver what to do with its stored glucose. The fat-cell derived hormone leptin may be the key to weight gain, with or without taking paxil. As a chemical messenger, leptin tells your brain how fat you are, among other things. Leptin causes you to eat less, and it also increases the amount of energy you use (your metabolism). Therefore, it may be one of the most important factors in determining your weight. (Interestingly enough, leptin also functions as a guide for the body in determing when the time is right to reproduce, which may offer a clue as to why so many on antidepressants lose their sex drive!) The alteration of leptin (such as by taking paxil) has been shown to directly cause weight gain for some people.
Okay, so now I know that the liver cleanse I take each morning will help with this, but why didn't my doctor tell me anything about this?
Don't get me wrong. I truly love my doctor. I have known him now for over 25 years. He has been a great help with my kidney issues, my throat infections as a kid, and the staff there is stellar. But he is a doctor of medicine and eliminating symptoms, rather than a doctor of finding and eliminating the source of the problem.
Of course Paxil doesn't have calories. That is pretty obvious. It's not like I am eating a candy bar each time I put one in my mouth. However, if Paxil messes with the liver AND it causes people to crave food and/or alcoholic beverages that is almost worse than if it did contain calories. Yes, that one alcoholic beverage each night before bed, became two or three a night...every night. I wasn't getting drunk. In fact, I wasn't feeling anything...
I found the following post from a forum on www.paxilprogress.org:
Hello
This is my first time posting to this forum. Actually, this is my first time posting to any forum!
I am in the very early stages of gradually weaning myself from Paxil. I have been on it for ten years. I feel like I am coming out of a dream -- suddenly so many strange things that have happened over the past ten years are starting to make sense.
The most dramatic, however, is the realization that I think that Paxil actually made me a compulsive drinker. I remember speaking to a psychiatrist once about a woman he knew who became a "red wine junkie" while on Paxil. It sort of hit a nerve with me at the time because I was drinking a lot, but I sort of blew it off.
Anyway, while on Paxil, I felt as though I couln't control the compulsion to have another and another and another drink once I had one or two. I didn't necessarily drink often, but when I did it was in a very compulsive way -- almost like bingeing.
Since I have begun to wean myself from this medicine I am noticing a profound difference -- I no longer feel the compulsion to drink in this way. Sunday night I was at a concert and had one beer. Last night at dinner with my sister I had one glass of wine. Normally that would have started a fixation in my head with having another beer/glass of wine and would have continued far into the night.
I thought I was becoming an alcoholic. Maybe I am -- I am still trying to figure it out. All I know is that it was very hard to control my drinking while on this med and now I feel free from its grip.
There were other things I did obsessively while on the higher dose -- play solitaire for extremely long periods of time on the computer while at work, chain smoke and do 7-8 crossword puzzles at a time. All the while shutting the world out and not really noticing that I was doing it. Some friends have pointed it out to me over the years, but I didn't really see that my behavior was so out of the ordinary.
I also went on spending binges and have huge credit card debt.
I am curious if anyone has experienced similar things -- any kind of compulsive behaviors that seemed related to the Paxil.
I'd love your input.
Thanks!
Glams (9/14/2004)
There is more on this thread, and if you are so inclined you can continue reading at: PaxilProgress.
I must state that I believe Paxil effectively took away my anxieties regarding my children. I did stop worrying about unrealistic illnesses and strange ways they could die. But the thing is: would I have taken Paxil if I had known I would gain 95 pounds? No. I probably would have gone to a therapist and maybe gone on another SSRI, or maybe nothing at all.
Who knows what I would have decided to do? One thing is for certain: I am getting off this PaxHell as soon as possible. Who knows what else I have done (or not done) in the fog of paxil?
One thing is for sure: I am taking back my life. I am in a healthy marriage, my children are blessings to me, I am writing again, I am composing music, and I am moving forward without the need of Paxil to get me through the day. Having anxieties is just who I am. It is what makes me Michelle. I have accepted this, rather than desire the opportunity to change this fact. I will continue to pursue a life without chemicals and unnatural substances, and with the grace of God I will succeed.
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