Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Memories of Bonnie

After some encouragement, I have decided to write a memoir of my journey with Bonnie.  The tentative title is "My Faith Through Her Eyes."

I have been writing, as opposed to blogging.  Here is the current prologue:

Prologue
“They’re here, girls,” I heard my mother whisper emphatically as she quickly pulled the drapes closed.  Her white nightgown glided behind as she ran to secure the drapes closed.  As usual, my sister and I were watching cartoons and ignored her plea.  “Come on, girls, hurry it up,” my mother scolded as she shut off the television.  The sound of panic in her voice assured us she meant business.

“Don’t say a word, not even a whisper,” my mother said, as she motioned for us to join her on the floor.  We immediately fell to the floor, crawled beside my mother, and laid next to her hiding ourselves behind the front door.  I tried to peek through the sliver of light shining through the drapes, but my mother immediately covered my eyes with her hands and pulled me closer.  “Stay perfectly still,” she softly reiterated.  The three of us, concealed by an afghan my sister had grabbed off the couch, could have been mistaken for a pile of laundry left on the living room floor.  

There was a knock at the door, and fear pricked every nerve in my body.  I turned rigidly to look at my sister, and noticed streaks of tears running down her face.  This really wasn’t any different from any other day; my sister was always crying or complaining about something.  My mother had said they were here.  It was our turn.  We were next.

I said a silent prayer.  I prayed that they would leave us alone, and that we could return to as we were before.  But there was another knock, and another - much louder this time.  I tried to breathe without making a sound.  What if I gave us away?  I held my sister’s hand, closed my eyes tightly, and hoped the knocking would stop.  

My sister began to squirm under the midsummer heat of the afghan.  I began kicking away my sister’s feet, and a sound, barely audible exited with my exhale.  My mother’s eyes were round as saucers, as she held her finger over her mouth.  She knew we were being as good as two little girls could be in this circumstance.  We were on summer vacation, and kids are supposed to be laughing and having fun.  Now we were trying to evade them.

We stayed together that way for what seemed like an eternity, but what was most likely two minutes.  The knocking ceased, and my mother slowly crawled to the window and gently pulled back the curtain.  She sat down and took a deep breath, “They’ve gone girls.”  We all smiled and did a collective sigh of relief.  They had gone.  The Jehovah’s Witnesses had left us a magazine in our mailbox, which assured us freedom for another month.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

If 38 is Midlife, I Need To Retire

This morning I read an article called, "This is 38"; if you are interested in reading it (since I am referring to it) click here: THIS IS 38

I am looking forward to 40, probably for only one reason: I will be traveling to Wales to spend time with my best friend, Dana.  However, I can unfortunately state that I do feel older this year.  I can also emphatically state I am much happier with 38 than I was with 18, but maybe not as physically happy as I was at 28.

No matter where you are in life, there is always moments where you take a breath and realize you are in a completely different place than you anticipated years before.

I had no intentions of every having children 12 years ago when I met my husband, Jim.  I was newly out of a disappointing marriage, I was focusing on grad school, and I had my own place.  I was happy; I was independent.  If I was able to travel back in time and talk to that 26 year-old, I would probably slap her in the face and say - WAKE UP!  But what good would that do?  Especially considering she would need to experience the loss of her dear grandma, the change of careers, falling in love, having two beautiful daughters, and making a home from a fixer-upper.  But to think this is the middle?  I completely disagree.

I have been very fortunate to have three of my grandparents live a very long time, and one live almost just as long.  My father's parents are 85 and 90, and my mother's father will turn 95 next month.  I sincerely believe in the power of genes, therefore, 38 is not middle age (maybe 45 is...but then again my grandparents are still aging).

Not my mother, nor my children.  However, you get the point.
When I think of living in "the middle" I think of my amazing mother. She takes care of her elderly father, who refuses to leave his home, and she watches my sister's special needs daughter at least once a week.  I do not think I'm in the middle of this life, but still diligently peddling up the hill.  I appreciate the point of Lindsey Mead in her above article.  We all hit the "middle" at different points, but I do believe we should no longer believe 40 is over the hill or in the middle of our story.

I am looking forward to writing new chapters to my story, one that will probably amaze me looking back 20 years from now.  Where will the road on the other side of the hill lead?  That is the excitement that keeps life exciting and unpredictable; and truthfully what writes a great story.  Let the future begin!