Blossoming Into Confidence

not the fort I mention...but similar

If someone had told me two years ago my daughter, Zoe, would be back to her magnetic and fun-loving self, I would have laughed.  I would NEVER have believed it.

Fall 2012
The school year had begun, and Zoe was in her fourth year at the Christian school.  Her teacher was new, but her classmates were familiar.  I was also a more active participant, due to the fact that I was teaching music twice a week.  Zoe was in another year of dance (baton this time) and she seemed reluctant, but ok with life in general.  As September became October, we began to notice a child with debilitating fears: fears of school, going to ballet, going to the store, doing pretty much anything.  On a couple occasions Zoe complained of a stomach ache and her urine feeling funny, but a trip to the doctor's office proved that it was all in her mind.  Now, believe me, I did not assume she was making up the illness.  In fact, her fears manifested in a spastic bladder.  Thus, she was immediately projecting another UTI.  A year or so earlier, Zoe had been to a specialist regarding her "frequent" UTIs.  I must point out that she only officially had two, but even at 6 this was concern for her pediatrician.

After weeks of concern, we took her to a therapist.  Our hope was to have Zoe learn skills to better survive with her fears.

Spring 2013
After experiencing bullying from classmates, Zoe was a wreck to even attend class.  The bullying wasn't a result of a physical reason (i.e. glasses, weight, etc.) nor was it because of anything she had control over.  In fact, it was because we told her she would not be attending a Lutheran school in the fall.  Other classmates (most actually) were going to the Lutheran school, and were making fun of Zoe for not being part of the group.  The fear was also brought on, in part, by her teacher.  According to her teacher, Zoe was cheating.  Not on tests, or even in daily work...but in journal entries.  In a classroom of ten children, Zoe and another child were best friends, and, therefore, played together a lot.  They also had a lot of common interests.  How was Zoe to have a different weekend than her friend, to whom she spent a lot of time with over the time period.

As March ended, I decided to pull Zoe (and subsequently Eva) and myself from the toxic environment.  However, change to Zoe's demeanor did not happen right away.  In fact, I had hoped she would relax in our home education environment, but she did not.

Summer 2013
A new family moved in down the street, so now Zoe had more friends in her neighborhood.  Instead of encouraging play between friends (i.e. playdates, etc.) I allowed my girls to play and with minimal boundaries.

We determined I would homeschool the girls again in the fall.  So when it came time to select activities for fall, Zoe still had reservations.  She panicked and cried and for lack of a better word or phrase: freaked out quite regularly.  We had removed her from therapy, considering she seemed to only fear sessions, and spent hours freaking out about going.  So we removed her from any and all activity.

Summer 2014
Zoe spent the school year gradually taking baby steps towards activities and things she wanted to participate in.  However, it was a complete shock when she asked for summer swim lessons.  I opened the boundaries of summer play even further this year, and watched as my girls created a fort from branches and dirt amongst other things.

I truly believe allowing Zoe to have more control allowed for her to want to try more activities.  I have to admit it isn't easy allowing her and the neighborhood children the ability to destroy my plants and flowers at the corner of our property.  However, the fresh air, sunshine, and creative play have been exactly what she needed.  By opening up my mind to the possibilities of a summer devoid of scheduled activities and parent-controlled play dates, Zoe has blossomed into a very healthy minded young lady.

In the coming weeks/months, I am going to provide articles and research-based information on why childhood MUST be focused around play and adult-free learning opportunities.  I hope you come back with an open heart and mind and we can both learn together.

Placing Significance on Insignificant Stuff

A lifetime of thingamajigs, doodads and gizmos.  Collections of curios and curiosities.  Some hidden from view, but all put in place by my grandparents.

In the last eight months I have been helping my mother clean out over sixty years of life from my grandparent's home.  If it is humanly possible, I have felt every imaginable emotion.  It is also rather surprising how deeply moved I feel about this home.  Each time I visited and worked, many items followed me home.  Some were out of necessity (sweeper, light bulbs, etc.) but others, many others, were because they hold dear and strong memories (record albums, chairs, etc.).

At first it felt like we would never even make a dent in the drawers, shelves and closets.  But bit by bit, step by step, we slowly made progress.  I must admit, my mother did most of everything.  I helped though, as much as I could.  But there were so many items that seemed insignificant, and yet, it is hard not to place significance on these items.  Why do we do this?

Before the casket was closed for the last time, a little beanie baby bear, a can of coke and a jar filled with a Manhattan were added with love around Ray.  It felt reminiscent to the burials of the Egyptians.  All that was missing was gold, jewels and a dead animal or two.

As I laughed with my mother over crazy things that Ray kept in his home, I realized that I too place significance on insignificant objects.  Did I want the bar light from Ray's basement?  Of course!  We do not have a bar, nor do we have an appropriate place to put it.  What about a hammer for small nails?  Sure!  In fact, when we repainted the bathroom this came in handy.  How 'bout brown paper bags, rubber bands, ten rolls of clear tape, calculators, note cards, stuffed animals, a stereo, etc.  The list goes on and on.  And the thing is, I cannot tell you that any are insignificant to us.

But no matter how many insignificant (or significant) things one surrounds themselves with, it does not take the place of a person.  The girls each took a stuffed animal from Ray, and quite often I see Evie take hers and inhale it.  It still smells like Ray (which to clarify smells very good).  Today I found myself doing the same thing.  I was at my moms and Emma and I were sitting on the couch she traded with the one at Ray's.  We were being silly, and we picked up the pillows to hide our mouths to see if we could determine expression on our mouths.  We both inhaled at the same time and went, "ah...".  It smelled like Ray. It smelled like home.  It was significant.