And I have to admit, I was a bit reluctant to even think of being with my girls all day EVERY day. But the truth is, I absolutely LOVE it. I would have never thought it would be so satisfying and overall stress-free.
I was able to watch my Ladybugs explore science, engage in conversation about history, further develop math skills, and run and play in our backyard with our new puppy. Laughter, giggles, and smiles accompanied their overall demeanor, and the healing allowed the stress from the toxic school environment to melt away.
A Mistaken Reason for Leaving
For most of the week after we left the school, I was asked in countless emails and phone messages to reconcile and talk through my issues. That reconciliation and communication is the "Christian thing to do". As much as I believe forgiveness is essential for the one who is hurting, trust is something that does not heal by simply hearing, "I'm sorry!"
Some believe my family left the school for selfish reasons on my part, and I would like to address that now.
Since the moment I took the teaching position at the school, my family has undergone stress. I spent countless nights praying and deep thinking about what I could do to rectify the decision I made. However, my decision to teach at the school was always for my Ladybugs, so I persevered. I entered the new year with hope, a cleaning person, and a daughter in therapy for her anxiety. The challenge work/life balance was definitely a difficult one, but I did feel that I could successfully finish out the school year.
However, immediately there were children talking about how they couldn't wait to attend a new school in the fall (or sooner), and parents were whispering in the hallways. Then the letter came home with the sad news: the school was closing at the end of the school year. My family were all saddened by the news, but the saddest part was only to come.
I have written many blog posts regarding the process I took to determine which school situation was going to be best for our ladybugs this fall. However, doing research and developing a logic-based system proved to simply mask the hurt and anger we continued to feel regarding the closing of a beloved school. As time went on I was shocked to find how others were acting, and I was also appalled to learn how at least a dozen families were delinquent on their tuition for the school year (some had balances that included passed years as well). Here us "long time" families were asked to make pledges to get the school passed this "transitional year", while others were not even contributing a dime.
It was also becoming obvious that certain families did 90% of the work at the school, resulting in a huge surplus of parent hours. Two parent families are required to work 40 hours at the school, and we already had close to 50 hours by Christmas break. However, there were families who had a huge deficit where parent hours were concerned, and for years these families were never charged a fee for this (even though that was the supposed method of action). This, and other decisions made contributed to my disillusioned emotions.
Then the blog hit the fan. Interesting factoid: Our puppy, Maggie Mae, was born on February 22nd, the same day I published this blog:
Not My Child
When I was approached to pull the blog, I thought about quitting on the spot. However, I felt that I needed to make a logical decision, and one that was best for my entire family. I gave myself until Easter break. There were times that I was certain that I would finish out the school year. However, as time progressed the environment became increasingly toxic. Evabug began to cry all the time, begging to stay home from school. Even when I explained how fun school was, she just couldn't return to the little Ladybug she was before. Zoebug came home with stories about other children and the teasing. I could see that we were all affected by the death that was happening around us each day.
I believe the decision to leave when we did was the best choice we could make for our ladybugs, and therefore, myself and Jim as well. Not the other way around.
Moving Forward
I have had people question whether I will homeschool the Ladybugs in the fall, and I simply do not have an answer for that. I must say that I really love being with my bugs, and I look forward to the path we forge together. I know that even if it truly wasn't the "Christian thing to do" we have made the right choice to heal as a family.
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