What Doesn't Kill You Makes You...

exhausted.

*Dear Reader, please note that this isn't a blog without medical terms and adult topics.  If you are at all squeamish  skip today's blog post*

Yesterday I went for the first of two urological tests to which I am scheduled.  This one was the one called Urogynamics.

two catheters in urethra; one in vagina

I was told that this procedure would be a bit more uncomfortable than the Cystoscopy scheduled for next Monday.  Regardless, I have always been very sensitive when it came to my anything related to my bladder/urethra/etc.  Therefore, I was quite nervous when I entered the doctors office.  Actually I went to the 3rd floor initially, rather than the 2nd floor, so you can see how I was consumed with fear.  

I signed in and the receptionist assured me that I was worried about nothing.  "The test will be over and done before you know it.  Don't worry, it doesn't hurt."  This of course did not make me feel better, but I must say the staff at this office is absolutely stellar.  I can also state that this receptionist had never had the procedure before.

The Procedure

I was escorted back the the same room I peed in the funnel during my appointment last week.  If you are curious what this funnel chair contraption looked like, here is a similar drawing:

First I was told to give a urine sample.  Peeing in a small cup might be daunting for some, however, I am a pro at it.  I returned to the room and was told to remove all clothing from the waist down, put on a comfy pair of socks, get seated in the chair, and pull a paper blanket over my lower half.  I was still very nervous, but I kept telling myself it wasn't going to be that bad.  I oftentimes over-think situations, and tend to imagine the worse scenario.

Two women technicians entered the room: one worked the computer to which my results would be calculated, and the other was the one who would do the actual insertion and manipulation of the catheters.  Yes, I said manipulation.  I knew there would be an overall discomfort and burning sensation, but I actually went into a panic attack that started with sweating and feeling like I was going to throw up.  The pain was completely unimaginable, and I felt like someone was taking a knife and inserting into my urethra.  My panic attack progressed rapidly, and I thought I would pass out.  The "insertion" nurse got the doctor (Mr. Handsome) and he came in and talked to me.  Apparently the first part of the test requires a lot of manipulation of the catheter.  I was told that am in the very small percentage that feels pain with this part.  But pain is putting it lightly.  I have had a lot of stuff happen in my nether regions during my lifetime, but nothing NOTHING compares to the excruciating pain I experienced during this procedure.

My doctor is such a kind man.  He encouraged me to continue, even though I wanted to rip the catheters out and run away fast (yes, even half naked).  He let me squeeze his hand to redirect the pain.  Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the manipulation part was complete.  Then came time for me to perform, oh yes, I had to cough and bare down in a variety of positions.  Then the two technicians filled my bladder up with fluid and when I felt like I had to pee, I was asked to perform all the same actions as before.  This time I did leak when baring down and coughing.  Which I knew would happen.  Then they filled my bladder with an obnoxious amount of water.  If you are at all aware of what a CC is (a cubic centimeter), I held 200 with the first bladder expansion and 500 with the second bladder expansion.  

After the second expansion, the ladies left the room.  I was able to pee in the funnel thing again, with the hope that I would be able to empty the vast amounts of fluid they had put inside my bladder.  I must say it felt so good to know the test was almost over.  I've never been so happy to pee in my entire life.  

The catheters came out and even though I thought I would be rid of the pain, I was not.  I got dressed, and tried to get comfortable while sitting.  One of the technicians came back in the room with a bottle holding 4 pills of Pyridium.  For those of you who have never had a bladder infection or UTI, Pyridium is this lovely pill that turns pee dark orange and numbs the general area.  She told me to take two then, and save the other 2 for later.  I wish they had given me 10 of these wonders, but that was all they were allowed to pass along.

In Conclusion

I really don't want to scare women away from getting this test.  After all, I was finally able to endure the unimaginable pain.  However, what I wanted to write is MY account of the procedure.  Because the information given by my doctor, and the information online, all told me it would be an easy cheesy experience.  For instance, here are some FAQs of Urodynamics testing given on the Gynecologic Specialists of Northwestern's website:

FAQ

How long does the procedure take?
The actual test takes anywhere from 15-30 minutes. Some women reach full bladder capacity with a small amount of water and leak early on. Others require a much larger volume (and a longer time to fill) than others. Filling out the questionnaire, getting ready for the test, doing the test and discussing the test often take up to two hours of office time, so please plan accordingly.

Can I have a guest in the room?
You may bring someone with you if you desire. They can be in the room during the testing, or, if you prefer, join you just for the discussion of results.

Is this test painful?
This test is not painful other than the discomfort of having a full bladder.

I once had a catheter inserted and it was very uncomfortable. Is this catheter the same?
The catheter we use for testing is significantly smaller than a Foley catheter, and in addition, no balloon is inflated to hold it in place. It is rare for someone to even be aware of its presence.

I feel uncomfortable losing urine in front of people. Who will be in the room?
The only people in the room will be your physician or physician assistant and a medical assistant to operate the equipment. The room is designed for you to lose urine (there is no carpeting!) and while it may seem strange to you, it is the best way to determine what your problem is so we can fix it. While some women consciously (or subconsciously) hold back from losing urine, please do your best to act as if we are not there.

As you can see from my experience, I was obviously not in the norm of patients.  I want my story to be out there, because even if I am in the minority here others could possibly identify with my experience.

I will continue to share my experiences in this blog, because if nothing else they help me deal with the emotional and difficult task at hand.

Cloudy With a Chance of Incontinence

I'm sure most people my age remember the commercial with the women who have to "GO RIGHT NOW!"

 

I seriously think that traffic cop is Susan from Sesame Street

So when I began having leakage, I didn't think it was the same incontinence thing as these women were experiencing.  They were older and they couldn't stop going.  Incontinence is an old people problem.  That's why there are adult diapers and the like.  Right?

Apparently not.

Hello.  My name is Michelle and I suffer from incontinence.

First Visit to the Urologist 
So I had my first visit with my new Urogynecology doctor yesterday.  I thought I would be seeing the main doctor, who is an older Indian gentleman.  But after having my vitals taken, discussing my history of bladder and vaginal health, and peeing in this funnel thing that was hooked to a computer for analysis, this tall VERY good looking African American doctor entered the room.  His smile was contagious, and he was just as nice as someone could be.  He was checking things out as he asked my profession.  I told him I taught piano and voice, and he pulled his hand out and said, "NO WAY!  I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO TAKE PIANO LESSONS!  DO YOU THINK I'M TOO OLD?"  At this point, I wanted to crawl in a hole and pretend I was somewhere else.

After some small talk, the exam continued.  I was told to cough while laying down, then while sitting (mind you my legs were spread eagle this entire time).  Nothing was leaking.  Then, I was told to stand (still with my legs wide stride) and cough.  Success!  The doctor clapped and said, "Good job!"  And I stood there looking at him quite perplexed.  I had peed on the floor, and the doctor couldn't have been prouder if I won a medal of honor.  He shook my hand, told me we would talk more about piano lessons, and left the room.  The nurse gave me paperwork, a diary to keep a pee log, a container to collect my pee, and info on two procedures I will need to have.  It was so much information, I pretty much blanked out.  But I did catch on that having incontinence affects 1 in 4 women, and can occur in her 30s.

I am not thrilled with getting invasive procedures, and truthfully I prolonged this doctor visit because of them. However, if 2013 is going to be a year I get healthier, I must take care of this obvious problem.

I don't want to go in graphic detail, but the procedures are: Urogynamics and Cystoscopy.  

April Wrap-Up

April came and went, and just like that I am back to see how I fared this month.

Goal #1: Read all seven Harry Potter books on my new Nexus 7 tablet.
I suppose that by now I should have completed the entire series of Potter books.  But for whatever reason, I cannot get into that series.  It's only May, so I have time.  But I did read a hilarious memoir called, "Bossypants," by Tina Fey.  It was really fun.  Not as laugh-out-loud crazy as a few other memoirs I've read lately, but it was just what I needed.  I also completed the book, "Killing Lincoln," by Bill O'Reilly.  Fantastic account of the last days of President Lincoln.  Just loved it.  Would totally recommend reading it (especially if you like the Civil War time period or history).

Goal #2: Reclaim my body - mentally, physically, and emotionally.
My weight seems to continue to look me in the face and laugh.  However, emotionally I am feeling fantastic, and mentally I have been really enjoying teaching the Ladybugs.  So two out of three is pretty damn good, if I do say so myself.  I am going to a new doctor on Monday, as I have been leaking (gradually peeing myself) for about 6 months now.  I haven't really shared this info with anyone else, but I thought it was time to share that physical hurdle I must climb.

Goal #3: Give more.
This month I spent time with students accompanying them in a performance.  I had recorded a CD, but I felt being there was much better than simply letting them fend for themselves.  It was remarkable.  I also spent countless hours opening my home to our neighbor boys.  I just love them...and I know my open-door policy allows their parents to get a bit of relaxation.  We gave $100 this month to Autism Speaks, as April is Autism Awareness month.  I know many children who have been diagnosed with Autism or ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders).  My Zoe has anxiety and some sensory issues, but I have always had a place in my heart for children who were "different".  In fact, I tend to gravitate towards teaching special kids.  I love the variety and I understand them better than I imagine many other private piano/voice teachers.

Hope everyone had a wonderful April.

The Healing Continues

As our fourth week of homeschooling begins, I am exhausted but extremely thankful I made the choice to remove ourselves from the toxic environment.

There is always hope.  Even in the darkest moments of the school situation, I was able to find beauty.

The parents, teachers, and children at the school were like the flowers in the picture above.  However, as the year progressed, toxic waste was killing each and every one of the uniquely beautiful flowers.  Petals drooped, leaves wilted and once sweet fragrances turned putrid.  The nasty weeds were at every corner, whispering lies into those who were carefully cultivated, turning the other glorious blooms into wilted intruders.  I refused to allow my Ladybugs to lose their bright and blooming minds and spirits indoctrinated into the lies perpetrated by the poisonous soil.

One of the reasons that kept me at the school for so long was that I had created a field trip for the entire school to see an opera.  I have three current private students, and one former student who are all part of the Michigan Opera Theater Children's Chorus.  I thought taking the school to see their opera, The Happy Prince, would be a wonderful experience, especially for those children who would never attend another opera.  When we left the school, Zoebug was upset about the fact we would not be able to see the opera.  However, a dear friend of mine (and mother of the former student mentioned above) was taking a homeschool group to the opera.  And we were able to tag along!

I was so thrilled to see such talent in young people - and so were the Ladybugs.  It was truly a memorable experience.

But it is not just the "field trips" that make homeschooling the right choice for us.  I am also enamored  by the amount of knowledge Evabug is taking in each day.  Her reading has taken flight and her math skills have increased dramatically.  Zoebug is also doing quite well in the less stressful environment of home.  The dull and dreary days of this school year have been replaced with much more happiness and ease of learning.

The biggest downside is that my life is completely focused on them.  I'm not saying the my focus should be elsewhere.  But I very rarely get time alone, as I am with the girls 24/7 now.  With the exception of when I work, they are my everything.  However, I do believe this is where I am supposed to be - with my blooming flowers in the garden of our home.

More Online Homeschooling

Thought I would share our homeschooling days at the Martin household.

We start each day with Journal entries.  Currently we are doing the journal pages from www.graceisoverrated.com.  Then we do math.

I have been teaching Zoebug to multiply by 0s, 1s, 2s, 3s, 5s, and 10s.  I found this really helpful site that has FREE printouts for extra work:

Multiplication Worksheets

I have also had her use a clock face with a multiplier in the middle to work take a different look at multiplication tables.  The clock works well, because Evabug is learning how to tell time.

Evabug is also working on addition, and this site has a way to generate worksheets:

Addition Worksheet Generator

We have been studying poetry, which I thought of before I realized that April is poetry month!

Scholastic has great information for incorporating poetry in the daily school day:

On Monday thru Wednesday we spend time on music after math is complete.  Then we have a quick snack.

After morning snack we spend time on reading aloud and grammar and phonics.  We have also been doing worksheets on poetry.

Poetry Ideas

So far the girls and I have learned about Shel Silverstein and Emily Dickinson.  This week we are studying Robert Frost, who wrote my personal favorite poem, "The Road Not Taken."  His home from Ann Arbor is at Greenfield Village, so we are able to incorporate Frost into Social Studies as well.

We follow the morning studies with a nice long lunch hour (11:30 to 12:30).

We move into silent reading after lunch.  Then time for writing.  Zoebug is currently using the handwriting without tears, and Evabug is working on her printing skills.

Then we spend time on Science and Social Studies.  Thomas Edison has graced our brains for the last two weeks.  Now we are spending time on Mr. Frost.  I thought it apropos to do people who are represented at Greenfield Village, since it is so close.

Science has been rocks and minerals, and we have used a microscope and other tools to research different rocks and minerals.  We plan on making rock candy this week too.

Hope I can inspire others who are not homeschooling to consider the option.

Why Didn't I See It Before?

I have a wall in my basement painted with chalkboard paint.  I have tons and tons of children's books that were purchased before having children.  I have a sick love of planning lessons and researching information.  Why didn't I see it before?

I LOVE HOMESCHOOLING!

Remember when you could make flashing fonts back in the day?  The above would be flashing and dancing and hip-hip-hooraying!

I have found that planning takes patience and preparation, but there is so much awesome stuff online to help out a parent who homeschools.  Here are a couple favorites of mine thus far:

Journal Pages
click here

Book Report
click here

Romanticizing Abuse

When I was a little girl I was in love with LOVE.

The soundtrack of my life was sprinkled with show tunes and love ballads.  I knew one day I would fall in love with a troubled man who would change with my love and support.  Why is this?  Because of Musical Theater and Soap Operas.

Soap Operas
From a very early age I have memories of watching soap operas with my mom, grandma Ardis and grandpa Ray.  Lunch began at 12pm, but at 12:30 Ryan's Hope graced the airwaves on our television screen.  It was followed a half-hour later by All My Children, then One Life to Live, and finally General Hospital.  However, All My Children was my mom's personal favorite, and oftentimes the plot lines would be discussed on the phone or in person with my grandparents.  Why?  Because this was before DVRs, VCRs, and cable television.  How could life exist without "my stories"!

Even if you have never watched an episode of All My Children, everyone has heard of Erica Kane.  By the time I began watching, she was on husband six...or was it seven at that time?  It was all about passionate encounters, and chemistry provoked kisses.  And what little girl would not be in awe of the costume changes and how men were bending over backwards to please Erica?  Well, I can tell you this: I was definitely going to be like Erica.

American Musicals
This blog was inspired by a Facebook status message from my cousin.  She had gone to see Oliver! (a musical based on Dickens's book, Oliver Twist) over the weekend and was appalled by the story line between the leading woman, Nancy, and her abusive boyfriend, Bill.  I know the musical well, and I recall the song, "As Long As He Needs Me".  The leading woman states, "in spite of what you see, I know that he needs me."  And we see him physically abusing her throughout the show.  The only "need" he has is her ability to help him steal Oliver.  But through all of his words and actions, Nancy "knows" he "needs" her and always will.

I brought up the point that there is also an abusive relationship in the musical Carousel.  Interestingly enough, the abusive character's name is also Bill (Billy).  In both cases, the woman is convinced the man is in love with her even though he shows different behavior. Although, in Carousel Bill at least alludes the fact he "could" love Julie, as heard in "If I Loved You."  Regardless, he is not a good guy; maybe one could prove he realizes his wrongs when he is in heaven.  But the point is - the story is the same.

Thoughts For Tomorrow
Yes, there are classic books, television shows, and musicals.  But in some cases I think we as an audience need to make certain classics are to be read, and not seen.  I am in no case suggesting censorship  but I do believe that directors and actors are unaware how a little girl can get captivated by a magical musical world.  This woman knows that years of failed relationships were definitely influenced by what I watched and heard. I certainly hope that I can continue the legacy of loving musicals, without having my girls experience abusive behavior as normal.