That's All I Want

In the sermon this morning, our pastor spoke about Jesus the shepherd and Psalm 23.  For those who don't know this psalm:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

This is a song from David's heart.  David, as we know, was the boy who slayed the giant, Goliath.  There are a lot of verses from David's songwriting heart, but I believe this one to be the most known.  However, do we really believe we could just have our GOD and nothing else?

I want.  I admit it.  I do not want a bigger house, nor a better car.  So what do I want?

I want to lose weight.  I want a pain-free knee.  I want happy and healthy ladybugs.  I want a loving marriage.

The point is, can I say, "The Lord is my shepherd, that's all I want," like the little girl in the Robert Ketchum story?

Tomorrow starts the third phase of my new program - which is the Digest Diet if you are interested.  I definitely feel better, and today my pants fit better (I will weigh myself tomorrow for the official 2 week #).  But the truth is: what makes THIS time different?

Ten years ago, I lost 60 pounds on Weight Watchers.  I kept it off until I got pregnant with Zoe.  When Zoe was a year old I lost the baby weight by eating good and walking.  When I got pregnant with Evie I lost weight in the beginning.  Seriously!  After she was born, I lost it all using WW again.  So what happened?  My motivation.  I slowly ate my way to a number that is higher than before.  Last August I had a trainer, but like I stated before, I just didn't feel like her workouts were for me.  At first it worked, but long-term was not happening.  Anyway...that brings us to today.

What makes this time any different?  Really, what is different?  Nothing.  Absolutely NOTHING.  So what do I need to do?  I don't know.  I suppose baby steps is essential.  And maybe it is simply being happy with who and what I am - rather than focusing on the vast amount of weight I need to lose.

Ever notice that when you are over a certain amount (more than 50 pounds, more than $1000 in debt, more than 150% underwater on your home, etc.) it just seems impossible to make a dent in the overall number?  I am really good with our finances.  This year I am diligently retooling our finances.  I'm hoping by 2013 to start on bring down our HELOC.  I think what makes our finances delicate is our commitment to private education for our ladybugs.  That extra money each month would more than pay off our debt, and even afford us the ability to take the girls to Disney or some other cool place.

And being 100 pounds over the weight I should be is very overwhelming.  It's almost like - what is another 10 pounds?  20 pounds?  What the heck, I'm fat anyway.

What do you want?