surrender
When someone says, "surrender," I immediately think of the definition: to give oneself up, as to the police. To give up - it doesn't sound positive. The act of giving up control seems so wrong to me. I grew up with strong female role models. Taking control of your life was essential to maturity. Accepting responsibility for my actions was what made me an adult.
Another definition of surrender is: to give up comfort. To surrender from a comfortable place is a very foreign concept to me. I know I must acknowledge that God is the one in control, but that still doesn't make it easy to relinquish my desire for control. Even with the knowledge that my anxiety is caused by my desire to control, I still find a comfort in what I do have control over. I find great internal strength from organizing a cabinet, cleaning a cluttered space, or the smell of a newly cleaned home. It is in this comfort I find reassurance and harmonic peace.
I would like to find that same comfort in surrendering myself to God. I wish I could feel the same empowerment from Him that I do from labeling a shelf with descriptive stickers. This surrendering is my goal throughout this spiritual journey. One that I am hoping happens, but one I know will probably take longer than a 40-day pilgrimage journey. Afterall, I have been a control-freak for over 34 years.
Today's Scripture
Psalms 26:1-3 (The Message)
Clear my name, God;
I've kept an honest shop.
I've thrown in my lot with you, God,
and I'm not budging.
Examine me, God, from head to foot,
order your batter of tests.
Make sure I'm fit
inside and out.
So I never lost
sight of your love,
But keep in step with you,
never missing a beat.
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