pilgrimage - day #39

Today's Scripture
Psalm 126
When the Lord restored the fortune of Zion, 
were were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filed with laughter, 
and our tongue with shouts of joy; 
then it was said among the nations, 
"The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us, 
and we rejoiced.
Restore our fortunes, O Lord,
like the watercourses in the Negeb.

May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing, 
shall come home with shouts of joy, 
carrying their sheaves.


Since I was curious, Negeb means "to be dry," or "parched regions."


Today's topic is "Leaving the Past."  I have had a few really bizarre dreams lately.  I am still married to my ex-husband and we are dealing with weird life experiences.  At some point in the dreams, I am reminded that I am still in love with Jim, and I can't imagine being with anyone else.  I often think, "why am I with this guy again?  I thought I divorced him!"


Mike has often crept into dreams over the years.  Usually we are hanging out, or reliving past events in our lives.  But I'm wondering if actually hanging out with him and his family lately has provoked odd brain synopsis.  In fact, last night I was with him and his family (including Amanda, his wife) moving into a new house.  I wasn't married to Mike, but living with his family.  I didn't have the girls, but I kept wondering why I wasn't with Jim.  Oh well.


So do I leave the past behind?  Yes, and no.  I suppose it depends on the situation or relationship.  Mostly it depends on if there was unfinished business attached to either.  At least I am having dreams of who Mike currently is: married to Amanda, a father, etc.  I still have strange dreams about Dave, an ex boyfriend from a lifetime ago.  However, in the dreams he has hair, is skinny, and looks like he did in high school.  I suppose that is where my heart and mind remember him best - the past.


I am hoping that my spiritual journey allows me to move forward in all my past relationships, even the ones that have business unfinished.