"Faith is much better than belief. Belief is when someone else does the thinking."
~R. Buckminster Fuller
Today is my daughter's 4th Birthday. Little Evie turned 4!
When I think back, my imperfections as a mother came after giving birth to her. Evie didn't require more out of me than a normal infant, but little Zoe took full advantage of Mommy having to nurse and spend time with the newborn. Toys were everywhere, dishes were not getting washed, and life was a whirlwind of diapers, diapers and more diapers.
I was also going through a really bad season of anxiety. It became a circle of triggers: mess created anxiety, which created me making more messes, which fed into my anxiety. You can see where this is going. In fall 2008 I was treated for anxiety. These meds helped contribute to my 100 pound weight gain, but are essential for my chemical (and inherited) problems.
Is there anyone who is perfect? Maybe I wouldn't be perfect, but I could certainly strive to run my household like a business (which is probably what lots of ex-business owners with a BA in Management do when they aren't working outside the home).
My sister and I are a little over 19 months apart, and we grew up very close. I had hoped that having two girls two years apart (Zoe and Evie are 2 years/2 months apart) I was doing a smart thing. But Zoe reverted out of big girl panties, and thus I had two babies in diapers. In fact, Zoe did not return to big girl panties until she was 3. Pretty much an entire year after Evie was born. Zoe also began suffering from asthma, and thus ended up in the ER when Evie was 1. This was a lot for me. But I kept moving and life continued...the idea of perfection became farther from my grasp.
So have the last four years gone by quickly? Of course! But my mother has always been Super Mom. She seemed to do it all right (pretty much), so I followed in her footsteps with when we would have baby number two. Sarah Mae gives us a very poignant Mary challenge today. To paraphrase - are you comparing yourself to another mom? Do you believe she is perfect?
The thing is: I know my mother isn't perfect. My Core Lie regarding my body image is a direct result of my upbringing. However, when I was Zoe's age my mother was the perfect mom. She made us dinners every night, baked cookies, played with us, and listened to all my crazy dreams and friend issues. I am not so sure that I am that for Zoe. But I'd like to think she'll look back on her childhood with the same fondness as I.
After my crazy attempts at cleaning the house yesterday, I have decided to take it slow today. I spent the entire day with my girls, celebrating Evie's Birthday. I was lucky enough to have a babysitter come by at 3pm so that I could get a much needed break from the week. However, I did finish the Martha challenge earlier today: clean and organize shelves and electronics and shine wood furniture. I also purged and reorganized the linen closet (which is located in the upstairs hallway) - and surprise! I found beautiful place-mats for Jim and I! How cool is that?!
The next couple of days I am rearranging the 31 day schedule to fit my needs and desires. I have a house full of people coming over on Sunday for Evie's Birthday cake and ice cream Rapunzel bash. So even though I won't be doing the exact 31 day schedule, I will continue to blog about my progress.
No comments:
Post a Comment