Day #8 {31 Days to Clean}

Day #8 - Overcoming the Curse

Happy Mother's Day!

As mentioned in Day #7, I am not participating in a Martha (cleaning) challenge today.  However, I am doing the Mary challenge.

Earlier today I visited my adopted mom, Pat.  I call her this because she has (in so many words) adopted me as her daughter.  Anyway, we were discussing our upcoming book club book: Jane Eyre.  At some point the conversation deviated to me asking her if she believes that sometimes we have to go through hell to really change how we act.  I really believe that we are put on trial at times to really come out a different (changed for the better) person.

Today's Mary challenge asks us to remember a time that God refined my character through difficult circumstances.  I would like to share a very personal story.

I have heard people call it "taking the relationship for granted," but I'm not entirely certain that's what happened to us.  I really believe Jim and I became complacent, and I had two small children at home to whom I was trying to be Super Mom. 


Last Spring, I reconnected with a friend from high school.  He was the best man in my first wedding.  When we reconnected I mainly spent time listening to his current divorce proceedings, his desire for a relationship with a married woman (I'll get to this later), and raising his daughter as a single parent.


Then in June we ran into each other in Meijer.  I had a sick daughter at home, and he was getting food for his Wednesday night visitation with his daughter.  We decided to hang out sometime soon.  Hanging out that one evening, became hanging out at the park with the kids the following afternoon.  And then we hung out quite often as parents after that (mostly play dates and hanging with Jim).  

I am in no way suggesting we were having a physical affair, because when we hung out the kids were always with us.  We also hung out at my home in the evenings and watched TV or listened to music with Jim.  None of this seemed to concern me.  I was hanging with a friend.  But I was also sharing stuff from my life with him.  Unbeknownst to me, Jim was very concerned about the friendship.  However, I thought Jim didn't care that we were friends.


I asked said friend for parenting advice, as I was having a few issues with Zoe not respecting me.  I also learned about his love for a high school sweetheart.  He assured me his marriage did not end because of her, but that they were having a physical relationship.  Apparently this "affair" was only temporary.  She was going to leave her husband.  And for a time, I felt sorry for him.  This "lover" of his (he confided) was in an abusive relationship and not only that, but she was carrying his child.  Yes, folks, his lover was carrying his "lust" child.


As summer turned into fall, I was more concerned about him then my husband.  I admit, in retrospect this is an emotional affair, but at the time I was unhappy at home....


I had gained 100 pounds in 2 years, and the truth was: I felt ugly and undesirable.  But this friend, he made me feel important.  He wanted my opinion.  He listened.  And in retrospect, the more energy you give to something the less you have for something else (i.e. my marriage that was falling apart). 


I never thought what I was doing was questionable or one of concern.  This man was my friend, he had befriended my husband, he was nice to my girls....


On October 23rd, a group of us went to a very huge, very public, costume party.  It was at this party that this friend I speak of decided to take our friendship to another level.  People saw the distress, and at that point I had to make a decision.  


On November 6th I made the awkward and painful decision to end my friendship with my friend.  I made the most important decision of my marriage: to stay true to my vows and do whatever it took to make the marriage work.


After much prayer, God helped me through the hell I was living and gave me the strength to continue.  


I owe my marriage to Him.  And for that I am truly thankful.